Whose treat is this??

Meant for previous topic! Sorry.

DD1 has just told me that her mil announced on Christmas Day that, seeing as she will reach 70 next year, this we be her last turn at hosting Christmas. My first reaction was one of surprise. I am 2 years younger, and, at present, am fairly fit, and, subconsciously, assume that our arrangement of me doing it on alternate years will continue for the foreseeable future. However, with DH getting easily stressed, due to illness, and realising that circumstances can change in an instant, I can see that any of us might need to 'make this announcement' sooner than we think. There are 7 adults, and 5 DGC always.
I can understand also, in principle, that due to the behaviour of some adult DC, it might be tempting to stop the hosting, but, generally, the joy of seeing our grandchildren usually takes precedence with us grandparents!

I have had enough of the bad conduct of my own adult children and hearing about other adult children and how they treat other grand- parents.
I took a large bag of presents to my DGC. I have not seen that family for a year. I rang the bell and SIL came charging at me. He is a big person and I am small. I said presents for the DGC, handed over the bag and turned and walked away. The best he could say was "AW right"
The other DAC showed face for a short time, roared at DGC and me and then left.
I must admit to feeling a bit relieved! Maybe I should not bother trying and save myself the stress. I need to find other ways of spending time.

I agree, Penstemmon.
In Australia everyone takes a dish of food (pre-planned so you don't get all the same thing).

funny how their parents can tell them off but if grans do they are in the wrong.
I've been told to chastise the DGC if they misbehave; luckily it isn't needed very often. That being said, some of them are staying over one night this week .....

I think Xmas is a tricky time..we all want it to be like the adverts and I am sure it never is!

Xmas day this year was at my home and I prepared turkey & trimmings for 2 xDD + 1SiL (other was on duty) the 4DGC me and DH. DD1 provided starters, DD2 did desserts. Next year a DD will host. This is common practice with other families they and I know so think it would be in order to ask family to contribute / or host.If they don't like the idea then book a table for two somewhere lovely and avoid the hassle!

My DD allows her 2 to eat running around her house, consequently food and drinks are spilled all over the place. I have bought some nice pieces of furniture / rugs/ curtains etc since mine have left home and I only allow the children to eat/ drink in the kitchen. She is quite happy to support me in this thank goodness, otherwise I am sure there would be an issue ! I had 15 to host at Xmas, and I am still waiting for someone else to take over! If I were the OP I would tell the family we aren't up to hosting next year, any offers welcome. If none are forthcoming, go away with your DH and have a peaceful time together.

Lyndie, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to make anyone cry - or to sound smug, which I realise I may have done. It's just that I taught children with behaviour problems and I think they need and respect boundaries. It helps them feel safe and secure. Try asking friends which teachers they remember with most affection - it's usually the "firm but fair" type. Take heart, you can deal with this!

We put so much time and money into making 'the day' a good one don't we. The thread about the jobs we plan to do shows how very busy and thoughtful to our families we all are.
It is the height of bad manners to be always on social media, mine do that too. The DC's should be helping out not sitting back like guests. I tend to ask for help, if I wait it never comes.
DGC should also be well mannered and not running riot, funny how their parents can tell them off but if grans do they are in the wrong.
Sorry to all who've been at the sharp end, maybe plan a quiet one next year, as others have said.

Tresco your reply made me cry. You are right.

We accept bad behaviour because we love them Hmm. I would say it's because we love them that we don't accept bad behaviour. I would not accept any child misbehaving in my house, nor would I accept being treated so badly by my adult children (Fortunately they wouldn't dream of behaving in such a way). Don't be a doormat; and find yourself unavailable when next time they try to take advantage of you.

Thanks everyone for your support. Katek. They just don't get it. We accept bad behaviour because we love them and we know they have their own lives and , I am going to generalise, apologies. Perhaps feel grateful they allow us into their lives. I don't much enjoy when they are here treating me like I know nothing. Constantly on their phones like their lives are out in the ether instead of right here right now. I am still working. Still computer literate.

I'm so sorry others of you had such significant issues with your dc-mine is fairly trivial by comparison. I sorted dd out when she dropped dgs off with her sarcastic/trying to be funny remark 'could you have gone much further north to eat?' I said yes, we could have stayed 30 miles north at home and she could have brought him to me there. As they say up here - her gas was at a peep, much more pleasant when she collected him.

As for swearing at you in your own home Lyndie-totally unacceptable. Swearing at you anytime is not acceptable. Like others have said I'd make myself a little less available for a while.

Why is it that some of our sons and daughters can be so cruel and selfish.
After reading some of these posts I can identify with some of the comments.

My daughter can also be controlling and snappy which inwardly I find upsetting.

Also, with a new baby she does get stressed sometimes, but then she has always been like that. Only now, a lot more so.

I think it's a lack of patience and understanding how we might be feeling, or not caring. It's all very sad. I try not to let it get me down, but I am a worrier. I feel sorry for some of you who have had extreme troubles with your nearest and dearest. I guess we have to try and be more assertive.

Never my strong point.

Totally agree with Cher and glad you do too Lyndie and I'm left speechless that they dared to treat you like that in your own house

Son swore at you - hmmm. Thet is not acceptable.

How difficult it is when different homes have different rules. In their own home my DGSs are allowed to climb on the furniture and generally dismantle it as part of a game. When at our place they are expected to ask if they can take it apart - I do understand the joy of a good den! - but they have worked out that we do not like them jumping on the furniture. Mostly they understand that different places and people have different rules. Luckily my DDs back me up over our house rules.

Sorry that Christmas has been the blue touch paper for some. I do hope things settle down a bit.

Cher. Thank you for your reply. Just what I needed. Because for all I do with nothing in return. I still keep going over what I said to my grandson just i case I was too harsh. It's just telling not too do things. But he doesn't listen. So I have to keep repeating myself.

I took this particular gs to the pantomime also but my dil insisted we took the 2 year old and her. I wasn't sure he would be old enough but she said she would take care of him. It cost an extra £50 I didn't have and she didn't offer to pay.

I've got to stop now. There is so much.

Lyndie - Feel free to ignore this opinion. You know what, next year I'd be saying to the family. "Sorry I'm not feeling up to Christmas dinner this year, your father and I are going out/just going to have a quiet Christmas this year, the two of us etc (put in your own sentence.
Sod all that. It is YOUR home.
Stop offering to take the grandchildren so often. Put the ball firmly back in their court. Your family do not know how lucky they are.

If ANY son of mine swore at me, he wouldn't be welcome back. They will need you before you need them.

“Be not forgetful to entertain strangers: for thereby some have entertained angels unawares.”
My feeling is that if we all treated our families as if they were strangers and assumed they could be angels in disguise they there would be much more harmony. It helped me enormously with a difficult MIL. Many times I never got as far as thinking she was an angel but at least I was never rude.

That's christmas for you. My son swore at me, had a hissy fit. Said I was bullying one of his sons. Left on Boxing Day after my cooking the Christmas dinner. Gave lovely presents for all of them spent a fortune. I received chutneys, jams etc from them. . Just stopping him for running riot, throwing things etc. his brother is coming along nicely but not so bad. They stayed over. . I then sent a text saying sorry, even though I think I have a right rules in my house. They have them in theirs but here they sit back. Kids have no boundaries.

My dil is so controlling. If we offer to take the kids out she immediately looks at her phone to check when it's be best for her! Years of this. We hardly ever get invited to theirs. No help although my dh has just helped my son with repair jobs.

You get the idea.

I then got an abusive text back. Now I don't know what to do. I have gone through all the emotions. I am now angry. I think instead of trying to disipline my grandson when he is throwing stuff, or being manic I should have turned to them to fix it but they are so unapproachable. Sorry. So glad to get this off my chest.

No support from dh. I think having all 4 children and theirs children and other halves is too much for me. I was also Ill over Christmas plus I suffer from arthritis.

Way to go, grandMattie! I'm sure your DD doesn't mean to be controlling, but like my DD, she is sure she knows best, and is now trying to be your parent. It's SO annoying - I bite my tongue many times a day, but I do love DD very much. I might try a mega tantrum one day, tho' - just to level the playing field a little.

Glad you had such a lovely time.
Got issues with my own DD who is incredibly controlling [inadvertantly, I think]. I always do what she tells me to do, apologise profusely when I [inevitably] say the wrong thing about 65 times a day, try incredibly hard not to put a foot wrong, etc.
this CHristmas while staying with her, I had issues with something I did and threw a monumental tantrum, said I was fed up with always being in the wrong, and went off in an absolute torrent of tears, sobbing, gulping, the works, for about 20 mins in the bedroom. Curiously she has been much more careful not to snap, to be kinder towards me, etc.
I'm not saying that is the way to go, but it seemed to clear the air a little - for now!

Juggling 4 coats, handbag, 2 packets of sweets, programme, light up sword, damp scarf (dgd had tomato ketchup incident at restaurant.....don't ask!) and 4 pairs of 3D glasses. Am very excited!

But you will have such a lovely time at the panto with your DGC - concentrate on that!! Have a wonderful time!

Anya, mind's the same!! I do my best to ignore her too. It isn't easy though.