I went to visit my Mum (again)

Ask my mum if she enjoyed the entertainment and she would have said Ozzy Osbourne did a great turn and it was even better when Morecambe and Wise turned up.

Sometimes there is an upside to dementia.

I visited Mum at her care home this afternoon. Nothing much was going on. Most residents were in their rooms, a few were in the lounge snoozing or squabbling. There's no tv in the lounge. I just held my mum's hand as she was dozing and chatted with the others. I wish I had more to offer, I think your U3A storytelling a lovely idea ann.

Its variable Wilma and can come down to luck. There can be keen local volunteers who are more well meaning than talented but whose enthusiasm is endearing. For paid entertainers performing in a care home isn't exactly the big time! Of course entertainment can take many forms and isn't necessarily sitting watching someone perform in some way or another.
Clearly Luckygirl isn't a musical snob but others most certainly are. I have seen snorts of derision when performers play more easy listening music and sighs of resignation as classical music is played. You just can't please all the people all the time!

I thought any kind of entertainment was offered on a voluntary basis and it never occurred to me that there would be any kind of charge.

I have no problem with any genre of music, but.........it must be high quality within its genre........and it must be listened to by choice.

The concept of music snobs is meaningless to me - music is either well played or it isn't - whatever the music is. My tastes in music are very wide indeed.

And as for the CQC rules now insisting on entertainments for residents, it has the feel of box-ticking - get in a few grim amateur singers and that's one box ticked. These sort of rules are so tiresome. I spoke to so many home managers who said they had to put on something, but that in reality many of the residents didn't really want it - they just wanted peace and quiet.

Kill me now. I hate this assumption that everyone of a certain age has shared interests. I have never and will never play bingo, I will never ever sing along.

I don't suppose the entertainers being denigrated in this thread mean to be so poor. I'm sure they're all doing their best but you can't please everyone all the time. If a high faluting classical pianist turned up to please the music snobs the country and western fans might be fed up! How can the diverse social and educational backgrounds of people with nothing in common but their age be accommodated to everyone's complete satisfaction? Cross reference this with capacity for choice making and that compounds the problem. I was very surprised at what my mother appeared to be enjoying in her care home but she was having a great time!

I don't know if it constitutes entertainment, but our U3A writing group have been to a couple of care homes to read some of our stories and poems based on memories that they can relate to. Obviously some of them nodded off, but they were given the choice to come and listen to us.

The Nursing and Care Homes I managed all had a residents committee who decided not only on who should be booked but marked them afterwards !! very X factor. The Point is well made though there has to be a choice. My personal nightmare is enforced bingo sessions and dishcloth knitting - that's probably my fate sealed then.

The problem is the regulations require diversions/entertainments to be laid on when in our own homes we don't invite a magician or a singer in every so often do we? I know we can go out if we want- its a tricky one to please everyone and there aren't that many good quality entertainers who will do it for a reasonable price.

kitty I'm glad your Mum sort of enjoyed even if only the barracking.

I am now visiting a friend's DH who is in a secure unit for dementia. The staff are wonderful BUT the residents are all sat in one room, many are asleep, two are crying out, 2 or 3 have visitors and yet in the corner there is a large TV which no one seems to watch. What I wonder is how the bright flashing images on the TV affect the residents. I know it would drive me mad especially if I couldn't even listen to the programme.
I then go and see friend who is in the same home but who needs full time nursing. The TV or radio is often on usually on a programme which she would never usually watch or listen to and I always ask her if she wants it on. As friend has huge problems speaking now other signs to what she wants have to be looked for. It seems to me that just like some parents use the TV as 'the baby-sitter in the corner' nursing homes are doing similar. Unfortunately unlike kids who can get up and move away, residents are stuck with it and unable to easily vocalise their wishes.
As I said the staff are wonderful and I couldn't do their job for all the tea in China, but as we all know there are not enough of them to do the job in the way it should be done.

I have this ghastly vision of being in a residential home, and, having spent a lifetime in music-making, being subjected to poor quality music and bingo!! - not, please, no!!

And the assumption that my music choice will be anything from the '60s, as though I never listened to or appreciated any music after my teens.

I agree that sometimes it can be good - and there may be better standards in terms of allowing the residents choice now - and it is good to hear that. It was not always so, believe me!

I have this ghastly vision of being in a residential home, and, having spent a lifetime in music-making, being subjected to poor quality music and bingo!! - not, please, no!!

And as for the TV being on all the time.......!

The wonderful pianist who is the accompanist for the choir I sing in, regularly plays at care homes. He generally does medleys of old time songs plus any requests and says that he loves to see the residents join in and sing along. I think there is some research which says how good singing is for those with impaired memories and that they often recall the words when they can't manage other recollections.

A local primary school sent their choir to the care home my Mum is in. It went down very well with residents. Some were still talking about it the next day.
Paying for poor entertainers is appalling and not at all fair to the residents of care homes.

My MiL was one of the few privately funded residents in her care home. Every month my DH would get an invoice which included a not inconsiderable amount for 'entertainment'. The staff insisted that they asked her each time if she wanted to join in. She had low level dementia and had no idea whether she wanted to or not. Picture the scene: "Would you like to see the magician?" "Yes all right then". She was in her 90's, she probably nodded off. We often asked her if she had enjoyed the singer/bingo/comedian etc. She never ever remembered anything about it.
We often suspected that she, and a handful of other privately funded residents, were subsidising the whole entertainment programme

The people in mum's home are not in any condition to be able to make a choice Lucky but the staff did take out the residents who were likely to be affected by the noise etc. They also kept an eye on the residents left in the lounge and sat with them or moved them if necessary.

I agree though that the quality should be as good as possible!

That's fine, as long as they are given choice! - unfortunately that did not used to happen. Believe me - I used to ask those residents who were my clients and they were often seriously p****d off. It is an insult to give second rate entertainment to people who cannot get out of it.

Kitty said that the residents loved him. That's what matters!

Now don't get me going on this subject!! I feel very strongly that inflicting poor quality (not to say totally crap) "entertainment" on a captive old or disabled audience is actually abusive. When I visited care homes as a SW, it was bad enough to see the unwatched TV churning out crap; but sometimes I would go and there would be such poor quality entertainers - I have to admit it never went without comment from me. I would ask whether the residents had been given the option of being somewhere else or in their own room. They got used to me - I think they used to switvh the TV off when they saw my car enter the car park!

I didn't know the entertainment was on though I suspect my brothers did which was why they let me go today!!!! The staff were egging Mum on so she was in her element. I didn't see anyone I know so it's ok!!

You are good to sit there for that long- many relatives avoid visiting during 'the entertainment'. Your naughty Mum though - what did you do?