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My heart is breaking for my child.

(60 Posts)
Katek Sat 05-Dec-15 12:03:30

I have, in the past, alluded to the fact that dd1 is widowed and that her husband died of a pulmonary embolism following surgery. None of us has ever felt entirely at peace with what happened-there were too many unanswered questions. Dd1 decided earlier this year to instruct solicitors to initiate an enquiry on her behalf. All the reports are now in and the causation expert has determined that there was negligence with regard to SIL's care both pre and post operatively. For instance, he was written up for Heparin post surgery but did not receive it for 30 hours by which time the clot had already formed. No compression stockings either. It goes without saying that we were/are all in shock although it has confirmed we were right to be uneasy.

Last night at panto dd1 had a very tearful meltdown right at the end of the show. Dgd had sung beautifully in the finale right at the front and her mum was so upset that her father wasn't there to see her. She kept saying he should have been there if someone had only done their job properly. Her sister is coming up to stay with her for the weekend so she's not alone.

I almost wish she hadn't started this process although I know she needed an answer one way or another. I'm so afraid it will undo all the progress she has made to date. She's been amazingly strong for dgd-so much so that she sometimes forgets about her own needs.

My heart is breaking for her. I wish she was little again when a hug fixed most things.

ajanela Sun 06-Dec-15 10:41:11

Very sad. The only very small compensation might be that she might have prevented this happening to someone else and she should feel very proud that she sort the truth.

numberplease Sat 05-Dec-15 23:41:56

I haven`t anything to say that hasn`t already been said, KateK, but I really do feel for you, your daughter and your granddaughter.

POGS Sat 05-Dec-15 19:14:15

No words Katek [hugs]

Marmight Sat 05-Dec-15 17:57:07

Katek flowers

Synonymous Sat 05-Dec-15 17:16:35

Katek Hugs are really important so keep doing it and don't stop talking about your SIL to your DD and DGD because sometimes it is so much more painful when no one talks about him any more.
I hope you will all take all offers of available support. flowers

Eloethan Sat 05-Dec-15 16:44:06

It must be terribly distressing to know that a death might have been avoided but for sub-standard care. But I think it is probably even worse to have lingering doubts that are never pursued.

Of course, nothing can compensate for the loss of a beloved husband and father but she is a young woman with a child and no partner with whom to share emotional, practical and financial challenges. I hope that pursuing this through the legal system will ensure that at least any financial difficulties can be alleviated.

I hope she can get some emotional support during this difficult time and that this terrible loss will one day become more bearable. Good luck and best wishes to you all.

granjura Sat 05-Dec-15 16:25:01

Peerhaps they can help:

www.mariecurie.org.uk/help/bereaved-family-friends/dealing-grief/bereavement-or-grief-counselling

morethan2 Sat 05-Dec-15 16:15:33

flowers watching your own child suffer is so very painful. I wish you strength over the next few weeks as you support her and her family.

granjura Sat 05-Dec-15 16:09:22

How sad and hard for you all. But perhaps it is good that the grieving process is finally brought up to the surface- and she will be then better able to somehow move on. I would not hesitate to ask GP for help from grieving counsellors for DD but also for the children. I remember seeing the amazing job they do to help out, on Children in need- there is probably someone near you. flowers

ffinnochio Sat 05-Dec-15 15:42:58

katek Wishing you, your dd and dgd all the very best now, and in the months to come. flowers

rosesarered Sat 05-Dec-15 15:41:13

Katek so sorry to hear this.flowers what an ordeal for you all.

baubles Sat 05-Dec-15 15:34:37

katek ?

Iam64 Sat 05-Dec-15 15:20:48

Katek how dreadfully sad for all,of you. This time of year is emotionally charged and to be finding out her fears were well found is heart breaking. I feel for you, you must want to make it all ok. Sending love x

Jayh Sat 05-Dec-15 15:17:28

What a sad situation for your family. I do hope you get a quick and honest result from the investigation but there are certainly more tough times ahead for your poor daughter. Every good wish. ?

KatyK Sat 05-Dec-15 14:34:30

oh katek how dreadful flowers

Nelliemoser Sat 05-Dec-15 14:25:11

KateK How extra upsetting to know it might have been avoidable. flowers

Katek Sat 05-Dec-15 14:20:25

Thank you all x

Crow Sat 05-Dec-15 14:04:48

Katek how very sad. flowers for you and your daughter. My thoughts are with you and your family.

WilmaKnickersfit Sat 05-Dec-15 13:51:35

Katek flowers No words.

JamJar1 Sat 05-Dec-15 13:29:42

It maybe knowing the answer will eventually help your daughter although it can take a while and Christmas, children's performances, school nativities are such a tug to the heart. flowers
In my early 40's I had surgery, it was thought surgical stockings were not needed. The blood clot to my lung was only picked up a couple of days later, I had no symptoms, luckily it was found during an investigative scan. I had to be told about it as I needed warfarin for a number of months afterwards but it was without much acknowledgement of responsibility from the hospital. I took it no further but I'm so very sorry your son in law passed away. flowers

ninathenana Sat 05-Dec-15 13:03:49

Such a very sad story katek I feel for you all.
You can't hug her better but I'm sure it will help just knowing your there flowers for you both.

Ana Sat 05-Dec-15 12:54:53

So sad, such a painful time for you all...flowers

annsixty Sat 05-Dec-15 12:52:49

We think we can protect them all their lives, after all that is what parents do and the first time we can't, it is like a knife through the heart. flowers

Lona Sat 05-Dec-15 12:39:27

How heartbreaking for you all Katek, keep hugging her and your dgd, and help her not to become bitter. Hopefully, love will find her again. flowers

thatbags Sat 05-Dec-15 12:34:02

katek, flowers