Moths to a flame

I had an aunt who was still attracting men in her 80's if we went to a pub they were all round her.

When she eventually went into a home she managed to bag the only man in the place. They didn't stop. At playing cards either very embarrassing for her family. Think her secret was she was never boring and usually made you laugh

When my children were still growing up I met someone on a PTA committee she was one of the those people who were good at organising and had contacts in everything, after a while she took over the running of most things and everyone thought she was wonderful including parents, staff, head teacher and it turned out my then husband. Several years later i discovered they were having an affair and long story short we divorced after 20yrs (although it would probably of happened without her input) and within 2yrs she divorced her husband and they got married.
I did have the last laugh though as he was already a functioning alcoholic and their marriage only lasted 2yrs before she'd had enough. One day I was watching breakfast television on ITV and blow me down there she was with her new husband doing an interview about internet romances they had married abroad and he looked like a very wealthy older man.

Many years ago I worked with a lovely girl. Very attractive with long blonde hair, big blue eyes and skirts that were little more than belts. Her job meant she had to drive all over the country in a little minivan which was limited to 40 mph. Obviously she was always being pulled up for speeding, but she never ever got a ticket. A toss of the blonde hair, a flutter of the eyelashes and the skirt hitched up another couple of inches, and off she would go with a pat on the head.

I have worked with both manipulative men and men who think they are absolutely irresistable. In men these types are usually mutually exclusive. If either type had ever heard what was said about them behind their backs they would have been mortified. All the women were unimpressed and the men generally didn't like them either.

I once worked for a firm of consultants where there was one consultant the support staff, male and female, would fall over backwards to anything for. He was small, bespectacled, quiet and unassuming, but he was courteous and considerate, and if for any reason I couldn't provide him with the information he required and explained the reason he would accept it without complaint and he always thanked people for the work they had done.

KatyK - did she ever give any indication that she was aware of what she did?

soon I couldn't wait to retire, one reason being to get away from her. I assumed she felt the same way about me. To my surprise she phoned me and asked if I would like to meet up. I said OK, as she had made the effort. She was totally different away from work. She is older now and not nearly so in love with herself. Yes, when I worked with her she always wanted her own way, which was partly why it was so difficult. If she didn't get her own way she would sulk and if anyone praised me for a job well done she would try to take the credit. She would come into the office in January with a list of all the holidays she would be taking throughout the year with no thought for me (we were a team of two). Like I said though, we get along rather well now. Strange isn't it?

I must admit I have never seen a man 'working' people in this way, it doesn't seem to be a manly trait.
I have fallen victim to this in the past and it is most unpleasant and very difficult to counteract. The best solution I ever found was humour which had the effect of alerting the person being 'worked' but you have to be strong to do this. There is strength in numbers of course so if you can get together with the other observant people about you it helps but only if you are all very careful and don't stoop to the same level as the perpetrator.
It is all about control. Often these people, who are in every sphere of life, are not truly confident however they like to portray themselves. In any case though it can result in much harm and hurt to those around them.
In my experience the people who have 'it' and use it in a bad way can overdo it and come unstuck. Unfortunately this can be a rarity since no one likes it be known that they have been 'played'.

We don't have to be PC on here if we don't want to be!

Let's talk about manipulative people, please, rather than exclusively female, or male, for that matter!

Why, when the OP was about a woman?

You can start a thread about manipulative men if you like.
Or even one about manipulative people.

I dont happen to know a man who does this. Other posters might do.

well, I see that the game of bitching about one of our own sex is still as popular as ever! I'm not saying that there are not manipulative women out there, or even unpleasant, rude, etc.. But don't you think that the same could be said about males?
Let's talk about manipulative people, please, rather than exclusively female, or male, for that matter!

Nice ending there. Is she still in love with herself?

And need her own way?
I have realised through reading this thread, that the person I know has must have her own way, as top of her agenda I think. At the time, she will look like she is ok with whatever the situation is, but later on, we learn she has done all sorts of things.

In the last few years before I retired, I worked closely with a woman who was only two years younger than me. I think I began working with her when we were in our late 40s up until I retired at 60. She had it all. She was a size 10, had beautiful, thick, long dark hair. She was really stunning. I am not exaggerating when I say I saw a man literally walk into a wall whilst looking at her. But boy did she know it! She was constantly regaling me with stores if how she was out with her son and someone asked him if she was his girlfriend, how one of the men in the
office tried to kiss her, how everyone fancied her. I totally believed her but did she have to keep telling me If there was an office 'do' I would wear something nice and do my best but the minute I walked in and saw her, I felt flat. She was very much in love with herself and I found it very difficult to work with her as I am the opposite. When I started to lose my hair I found it rather insensitive the way she would keep flicking hers about, although she knew I was struggling. Apparently she had a perfect life. Devoted husband, two grown up children (one of each of course) who had never given her a moment's trouble, a beautiful home. Strangely in the last couple of years we have become friends which I never thought would happen.

Actually not grin, in the light of some posts on here.

It pheromones that does it! Apparently some people have a very alluring smell about them, which the animal side of us is aware of, but only subconscious ly

Many years ago I too had a 'friend' like this, anything in trousers, attached, married or not, was fair game (including, I found out later, her father's best friend!).
She was hellbent on marrying a 'title' and eventually apparently did so.

Scheming was one name for her, the others being largely unrepeatable!

Years ago I had a flatmate who answers this description. My other flatmate, a good friend, and I had several occasions when we had to deal with distraught young men who were really deeply engaged in what they thought was a relationship with her only to find out that once the hunt was over they were no longer required! We were also told in no uncertain terms that she was no longer welcome as a guest to many parties because of her actions. The crunch came for us when the night after I met the dear man who is still DH, she leant up against the door of my room batting her eyelashes and gleefully told me she was 'going to get him!!' That evening my friends swung into action and every time she attempted to get near him they detached him and steered him away. She was petite, dark haired, what you would call 'gamine' and she did have something but it didn't last. He was surprised, years later, when I told him the story of that evening, he hadn't noticed anything except that he appeared more popular than usual. He put it down to Scottish hospitality at its best! She moved away soon after - more desperate young men appeared but we didn't give them any info. I often wonder what happened to her!

I worked with such a woman who was attractive, devious, manipulative and determined to have everyone under her thrall. When it became clear to her she couldn't fool me she carried on a campaign to undermine me over many years and largely succeeded. She made my working life a misery and I could do nothing about it as most of the women and all of the men believed her every word (she was a consummate liar). What astonished me was that she was hardly subtle; she was egregiously flattering, she literally batted her eyelids, she 'sucked up' in an obvious fashion and she flirted with both men and women. I came to feel a certain disdain for her victims as you would have had to be somewhat dense to mistake the cartoon niceness for a real, equal connection. Still, it did her career, income and prospects a lot of good and stopped mine in its tracks.

Which is worse, I wonder? To be a liar or to be gullible? Bad or stupid? The rewards for integrity and intelligence in this world are not high at any rate!

ps I didn't care what the other male colleagues thought of her, they just made themselves look foolish, he was the one in charge of the pay rises!

stb I didn't change my behaviour to mimic her - but I let the boss know in a one to one what I thought.
He sat with a muscle twitching in his cheek as he listened to me.
Depends on the boss, of course, he was young and new and needed training

post to petra.

Yes. I underestimate that a lot.

Apologies though to any men on this forum, and those reading this thread. I hope you realise we are talking generally.

Men respond to flattery (as do women); but this woman then simply winds those who come back for more into her web.
I've seen it in the workplace too and I actually find it quite fascinating that men don't know that it's a game she's playing.

Soontobe. Your very naive about men. They're not thinking with their brain when it comes to a pretty face / attractive figure. To be blunt: it's all happening in the nether regions.