Moths to a flame

So sorry Ginny42

Elegran

I wouldn't think it's that - it can be irritating when you slog away at work, stay late to get urgent things done and someone who takes time off sick, skives then flutters her eyelashes and wiggles her bum gets all the praise (and a bigger pay rise) angry

It is actually going to make me change my behaviour a bit. I have come to realise that other people, especially men, dont value things such as hard work and detail, as highly as I thought they did.

I worked with someone like that once. She was a colleague for more than 10 years. Her husband was my boss and she worked in our department. Over the years the four of us those two and my husband and I became friends, going on weekends away and holidays. We were very close.

My husband left with her five years ago now and I am still trying to come to terms with their deceit. She set out to get him but he must have wanted to be 'got'. My advice? Take note and don't allow such a person too close.

It is not "up our game" it would be "change our game completely to get besotted others to do the work on our behalf while we sit on our arses dispensing approving smiles on our acolytes and receiving the credit for it all" - and being scornful of the poor plain unattractive mutts who don't have "it"

I think it's a case of the little green eyed monster

I wouldn't think it's that - it can be irritating when you slog away at work, stay late to get urgent things done and someone who takes time off sick, skives then flutters her eyelashes and wiggles her bum gets all the praise (and a bigger pay rise)

And - if you have any bright ideas about how things could work better - never ever discuss it with someone on the same grade as you - take it to the boss or implement it yourself. The person you discuss it with will pinch your idea, go to the boss all sweetness and light and again get all the praise.

stb I think many of us have been there .....

Petra's answer is exactly what loopylou said someone would say, in her post yesterday lunchtime.

I am not the boss.
Up your game? Who wants to "up" it to that?
The large group of us cant "get over it". It isnt a thing to "get over".
Green eyed monster I am not going to bother answering.

I think it's a case of the little green eyed monster. Does she work with you/for you? If it's for you, then that's easily sorted, if it's with you, get over it or up your game if it bothers you that much.

Matella. Thanks. I was wondering what happens longer term.

She is younger than most of the women.

"But I know a middle aged woman, who attracts men (not in a sexual way)"
Wrong: that's exactly what it's about.
Is she older or younger than you ?

When I was new to my last job there was a woman who seemed to be everyone's darling. She was pretty, talked all day, not very bright and men and youngsters were drawn to her. From day one she irritated me intensely with her self obsession and manipulation. For some reason she decided I was a threat, probably because I did not fall under her spell, and took every opportunity to say spiteful things to me. She was so subtle that no one else noticed.
I watched, however, as one by one over about 5 years people began to give her a wide berth. She could not keep up the pretence once someone got close to her. Eventually unable to stand her lack of popularity she left.
Good luck STB. People may well begin to see through her.

I have seen it in the work environment and it does work for them so is understandable. Like loopylou I watched my boss be completely taken in by it and give her, sometimes them, favouritism. He went down in my esteem as a result but I have no idea what others thought.

Perhaps it was body language.

When I was at school there was a girl in my class, her name was Jane and she really was plain Jane, she did not dress well, wear make up or put out any airs to attract, yet men fell for her left right and centre. She was a pleasant girl and I got on well with her but neither I nor any of my friends could work out what it was she had that attracted so many men.

Personally, I am very glad I never had 'it'. Once I left school, both at university and at work, I lived in a very male environment and being a man magnet would have been really difficult. I was very careful even about going out with people I met at work. Gossip about one's private life can be so damaging.

I felt the same outside work. I grew up in a family where a woman's success was not measured in terms of her ability to attract men, the matter was never even mentioned. This lack of interest, never seemed to put off anyone who did like me and DH and I have been married nearly 50 years.

But not everyone wants to learn to be like that. We could watch a pickpocket and get tips on how to do it, but that doesn't mean we would choose to. We don't all choose to manipulate everyone into doing our will either.

if it annoys you watch and learn

I have never thought of confidence as being attractive. I suppose it is. Hmm.

It's the confidence ( that is attractive) soontb more than looks, those help too, of course.Bright confident people are naturally attractive to those around them, just think of people that you meet at parties.

The woman I know has an ego the size of a house. I think she too is her parents' darling.
To be fair, on the looks front, she is naturally quite pretty.
Not sure about the interested only in herself part. I think she is quite self absorbed, but I dont think she realises it. She hasnt got enough, I am not sure what, to know.

If it wasnt for her ways, she is actually quite a nice person.

I used to work with such a woman! Her Mother, then in her 80's, treated her, spoilt her as if she was a little girl still. She wasn't attractive but she believed she was beautiful, she was obsessed with her nails, make up, clothes and especially her hair. Would bore on about them all day long. I think because she truly believed she was a goddess she must have given off some sort of vibes, spell! Her daughter is following her footsteps. Obsessed young woman, very spoilt and not the least interested in anyone apart from herself. She has tantrums if she does not get cash etc from her mother.

*That's dangerous if she's got influence too.
The trouble is that if anyone (female) says anything then it'll probably be misconstrued as sour grapes and if a man says anything it's sexist tchhmm*

The problem in a nutshell.

I'll have one of those t-shirts too. I always recognised the 'it' element in other women / girls, but could never fathom out how to replicate it or even manage a weak copy. Always ended up making a prat of myself

tee and me. I was thinking about that the other day. As a teenager going to dances and not being asked to dance - it was agony.

That's dangerous if she's got influence too.
The trouble is that if anyone (female) says anything then it'll probably be misconstrued as sour grapes and if a man says anything it's sexist

I'll join you in wearing the tee shirt Teetime

Yes I know one of those but she seems to take some women in as well and the worst thing of all is that everyone pays for her drinks, holidays etc. She not even physically attractive.

I think I have the opposite I might as well be wearing a T shirt saying 'repel all boarders'.