What do you like to be called?

There is nothing wrong in being old fashioned blondehedgehog and it is nice to be addressed in the way with which we are comfortable so it is good to establish what that is right at the beginning.

My married name is one that always has to be spelled out and my own mother said that to take that name on it had to be love - which it absolutely was! Even now after many years I still look round for my MIL when someone addresses me in my married name but strange as my 'new' name is I do like the nice manners of someone asking me what I prefer.

We are all so very different and that makes us all interesting.

Before my retirement I was a nurse. We always referred to a patient as Mrs/Mr/Miss. There were a lot of patients of varying ages who would say "please call me (by their first names). The ones who nearly always had a problem with you calling them by their first name were the Misses, we always asked first before calling patients by their first names. What we found was that it did break down barriers when talking to patients.

I absolutely agree with Jane10. Its all about the the context. I'm old - I don't mind at all being called by my first name if I have a relationship with someone - but first names by cold callers? You must be joking. Especially when they start the conversation with "how are you today?" Sometimes I a sorely tempted to tell them, which could take some time. My old boss has a very efficient secretary who when hailed by her first name on the telephone, responds with "only my friends, family and those I've slept with call me by that name and I don't think you fall into any of those categories" - always makes us laugh. However of course the tone of voice of the caller makes a huge difference. I worked in a job where I spent hours on the telephone and it is extraordinary how the tone of voice of the caller influences the way you handle them and your relationship with them.

In person - I'm usually very happy to be called by my name.
Over the phone, especially with marketing calls, I really resent the fake familiarity of a complete and unwelcome stranger referring to me by the name I'd use among friends and family. If you want to sell me something - I'm a MRS!

When I was a child my mum and her friends always called each other Mrs. "This" and "Mrs That" even when they were talking about personal things. I used to think it was weird. When my mum grew old (eighties) she started to call her friends by their first names and I thought it was lovely.

However although I was in my 50s by this time I still called them Mrs.

I've just remembered the TV programme 'Doctors' the receptionist turned acting practice manager insists on calling every one in the practice by their surname and that they only ever call her Mrs. Tembe.
Did you use surnames when talking to work colleagues ? Sounds so unfriendly.

When my mother was in hospital a nurse looked at her details and said, "Mary Elizabeth Violet! What shall I call you?"
Mother replied,"You may call me Mrs Smith" (names changed)

I'm one of those who doesn't mind how they are addressed. However, in the hairdressers recently I heard "time to rinse you now Miss L" and realised it was one of my Primary School teachers and that Jane the hairdresser was a former pupil. I too addressed her as Miss L when I spoke to her later (and she said she remembered me and my cousin - I just hope it was for all the right reasons). I imagine she could do a very good Dowager Duchess Violet put down to anyone calling her by her Christian name.

First names please. Had enough of all that formality stuff when I was young. Some of my son's friends address me as Mrs - but in an ironic sort of way. My son is in his 50s. Let's face our married names aren't our birth names anyway.

After retirement-call me what you like -but NOT TOO EARLY.

You should be called whatever your personal preference is. I just don't like the informality of first names in business communications, call centres etc. If they ask, can I call you .... I refuse, it is best that I feel comfortable during the interaction. If others are happy to be called by their first name that is fine for them. I had a university lecturer who was all "call me Tom", and I couldn't do that either. To pay me back, my children all transferred to a new secondary school when we relocated in the '70's, to an excellent comp with no uniform and teachers addressed by first names!

I think it's a generation thing really. I was brought up to call teachers, doctors and people I didn't know Mr. Dr or Mrs. So it seems impolite to use their first names. Equally I prefer to be called Mrs by the same people, unless I know them well. My first name is not the one I'm called anyway, so it seems odd to have the full version used by strangers. To have a student nurse say to my mother when she was dying "Come on, Esther" seemed very lacking in dignity to me and I've never forgotten it.

I think a lot depends on the circumstances.

I remember a friend of my mother's telling me to call her by her first name when I was 15, and my mother chastising me when she heard me call her Margaret.

My children were never allowed to call our older neighbours by their first names, even though other children did. Something about it just didn't seem right to me. Even Himself and I called them Mrs D and Granny Mac.

I know my wee auntie was horrified that a nurse in the hospital called her by her first name.

I like people who cold call to call me Mrs ! I don't know them, in a lot of cases I don't want to know them. So I want formality.

My bank always calls me Mrs ...my telephone company calls me Karen - I've been with them 20 years lol....they know me.

So no not old fashioned, after all IT IS your name, your choice !

I hope you're making good progress maywalk. Amelia is quite common in my mother,s family too.

Well I am 85 and I too was brought up to say Mr or Mrs but being in the hospital with a broken hip in three places everyone has asked me if they could call me by my firs name. I have found it to be nice to be addressed that way even by the younger staff. I also had a very pretty young doctor to me who introduced herself as Amelia. We had a little conversation about that name because it was my mothers name and my sisters name.
It makes for a more relaxed attitude all round.

Where I live the use of given names is normal and not regarded as impolite. For example the doctor will use your given names and you also use hers. I prefer it, and mostly used my given name when I was in the UK, partly due to my Quaker connections where, again, it is regarded by most as normal. I do confess to some inconsistency though as I was always Mrs ... In the classroom!

I think that a degree of formality at first is important and that it shows respect to say Mr, Mrs or Miss Surname until invited to use a first name. I certainly think a title instead of a first name is essential from a younger to an older person, again, until and unless invited to use a less formal term. Public authorities have eroded respect by using first names and it does no harm to remind those paid by the public for whom they are working and who pays their salary. A young person calling an elder 'Jane', 'Elsie' or even 'Dear' is a form of effrontery and should be discouraged.

Formality of greetings and uniform are two ways of reminding individuals of the importance of social interactions and that others deserve proper treatment and respect whatever the age and gender of the interlocutors.

Yes that's quite common now, cosafina especially in letters from the NHS. I loathe it

I'm quite happy with people using my first name - particularly if they ask if they can. What I don't like is when they address me as Mrs or Miss, since I sign all of my correspondence Ms - I don't see why women's marital status should be public knowledge while men's isn't.
I recently had an email addressed to Miss P which was full of mistakes so I replied to Master W - who had the good sense to write back to Ms P!
What irritates me is when a corporate outfit writes to me as Dear title firstname lastname - it should be dear firstname, or dear title lastname.

I never minded my children's friends calling me by first name from the moment they could talk. I don't think many of us would have called friends' parents by their first names as children, but I was more than happy not to be called Mrs whatever. Without sounding hoity toity I do find it strange however when some corporate outfit write to me addressing me by first name though, I think a degree of formality is required in certain circumstances. Probably a hangover from my working days

coolgran, my middle brother used to take the piss with that sort of thing. If he answered the phone and someone asked for Mr B, he would ask "Which one?" meaning our dad or one of the young Mr Bs. The ones who didn't know him were flummoxed for a while. The ones who did would say: "Get your dad."

Those who don't like being called darling should come and live in Glasgow and its environs. You'll get called pal then

Never mind the first or surnames problem, what I really dislike is the shop assistant in my local shop who calls me Darling! Actually a lot of assistants use totally inappropriate terms of endearment which really sets my teeth on edge!

I love being called Mrs m. Because I have not long been married .
I hate being called "darling" by builders or men I do not know