Paying for a wedding

My oldest daughter marries in three weeks time. We're lucky enough to be able to afford to contribute generously but it's still eye-watering to look at the bank account!

We've paid for the dress & 'maids outfits, photos and for the venue (no cars as it's all under one roof). The B&G are paying for the cake, flowers and various other items I've forgotten now. The groom's parents are paying for the drinks and a canapé reception.

In a moment of madness I said I'd host a wine & nibbles do the night before the wedding at our house, for our side of the family. I'm awash in disposable this, that and the other now.

When dh and I married in 1972 we had a small wedding, most of which we paid ourselves.

Have a wonderful day SueDonim. I loved being involved with all the planning for the DDs' weddings. A hectic time, but such fun.

So, the average price for a UK wedding stands at £21.500 - absolute madness - especially as couples then can't afford to pay for deposit on a mortgage (:

Time to stop the pressure on expectations by magazines and Posh and Beck syndrome.

The best wedding I ever went to involved a Registry Office ceremony followed by fish and chips in the Village Hall. The bride wore a pretty floaty summer dress and the groom shirt and trousers. A great time was had by all, as it was so informal.

DS2 and partner are both now 42, have been together since their joint 21st birthday and won't hear of getting married, although they have their own annual celebrations on their 'anniversary'. In a few years it will be their silver non-wedding! Their boys would like them to get married so that they could have a party! How can all these young couples afford to get married and buy property with University fees and loans repayments hanging over them?

When our son got married 6 years ago we divided the cost £6000 between 3. The bride and groom, brides parents and us. It all worked out great.

Work out what you can afford and only offer that.

My sister's first wedding cost over £25000. I have to admit it was stunning but it turned out the groom was already having an affair with the woman who was later to become his next wife. He was a banker which rhymes with the word he became known by in the family

When DH and I married four years ago it was a sign of our commitment to each other so the 'must haves' were just me and him. My dress cost £15 in a sale and I used shoes and bag that I already had. DH wore his work suit. A friend bought a dress and shirt and trousers for the children as a wedding gift. The registry office cost about £150.

Be careful to state the amount you are prepared to contribute and not just offer half or a third of the cost because their dream wedding may be a lot more expensive than your dream wedding.
DD married twenty odd years ago and I paid for everything but the groom's suit and it took every penny of my savings. I agreed to help because the groom had no parents.
When DS married I asked if they needed help but was told it was taken care of and we gave them a sum of money to finance their honeymoon. I was never told the cost but knowing the venue and the number of guests I believe it would have cost tens of thousands.
£800 to £1,000 is not unusual for a wedding cake.

We decided to give a fairly equal chunk to DS and DD. DD was embarrassed to take anything and felt the cost was their responsibility. They held the ceremony at a local stately home - to show those from down south that we up north can do classy . As we only had drinks on the terrace afterwards, it was not too expensive. The reception (party) in a village hall decorated with miles of florist ribbon pretending to be a maypole. Room hire £150.
DS's wedding was in another big house which is an educational trust.
I made both cakes www.bbcgoodfood.com/recipes/4578/creating-your-wedding-cake, which went down very well, although they were decorated quite simply to the brides' designs.
Chocolate and lemon cakes absolutely scrumptious - I left the drizzle off the lemon.
The little top layer of DD's went up Great Gable on their honeymoon.

My next door neighbours friends D got married last year and both sets of parents were asked to contribute £10,000 , the couple themselves put the other £10,000. The honeymoon was in New York and the Caribbean. Dreams we never could even have thought about. Don't now even. They already had a 4 bed roomed house.

I'm still recovering from harrigran's wedding cake costs - £800-£1000. Unbelievable, and now annsixty tells of parents being asked to cop up £10,000 quid. The mind boggles, as someone once said. Was it Spike Milligan?

800 to 1000 for a cake is just, sorry, obscene in the extreme.

Goodness, 50,000 pounds. Daughter's friend spent 1,000 pounds on her wedding recently. A small ceremony followed by a big party in a local hall sharing a massive paella.

There are lots of 'alternative' wedding ideas around, aren't there? Perhaps the trend is away from very expensive 'dos'?

Weddings don't have to cost the earth. My mum gave us £2000 for our wedding in 1985 and my FiL paid for the wine and champagne for the reception. I made my own dress and arranged my own flowers, while my mum made the cake and a friend decorated it. I only had one bridesmaid so was able to get her a dress in the sales. We had a reception for 100 guests at a local restaurant and I managed to have money left over which I gave back to my mum. My husband paid for the honeymoon. We were going to get relatives to drive us but when there was enough money we hired a car to take me to the church and both of us to the reception. The only thing I regret spending was the money for a photographer as some of the pictures were no better than the ones taken by guests!

Our DD3 married in April this year. Both sets of parents gave a sum of money ( no idea what his parents contributed ) and the rest they paid themselves. It was a beautiful and informal wedding and a number of friends and relatives contributed by making things for the wedding rather than giving a gift. I made the invites, table decors, table plan and other things. A friend made the little bridesmaids dresses and a cousin made the cake. Her sisters bought her accessories and paid for her hair and make up to be done. No special cars were needed as we all got ready at the venue which was included in the reasonable price as was the room for their first married night. All arranged in less than 6 months.

When my DH was made redundant, nearly twenty year ago, I used some of his redundancy money to buy our two daughters a national savings certificate each valued £1,000. That was to keep for their weddings. Value has more than doubled, but daughter 1 doesn't intend to marry and has cashed hers in, daughter two not getting married yet so it can carry on increasing for a few more years. It won't stretch to a fancy wedding but she's happy with that.

My eyes are watering at some of these figures

My parents paid for my sisters' and my (38 years ago) weddings. My in laws didn't even offer and MIL said she wasn't inviting any of their side of the family (I should have seen that as a clear warning of what was to come!), so we asked who we wanted from DH's side, whereas my parents pretty much dictated who else was invited.

When DS married in Venice DDIL's parents insisted on paying and even organised our luxurious accommodation in a nearby city. Incredibly generous of them and we paid for a gorgeous meal to thank them on the eve of the wedding.

We gave them money towards their new home.

DD says (if and when, not even on the horizon!) she'll just go off and do it. Sh can't stand being the centre of attention and the thought of a big wedding turns her cold.

When my DD got married last year I gave her what was about the average amount for weddings.I told her spend more and find it,spend less and keep it.Garaunteed to concentrate the mind.i think she came in on the spend less side!As they were in their mid thirties they organised it themselves lots of friends so only close family invited.

My DD & SiL chose a spectacular London venue but were savvy about the cost of everything. e.g paying corkage on champagne & buying 50% off bottles from M&S was stil half the price of the venue's cast. I paid for the brides dress, £1000, (my OH keeps banging on about cost per wear!), and gave them £5000. The cost of table decorations was atronomical but I bought, via a floristry website, fishbowl vases for £4 each & bought wholesale flowers the day before. So yes the wedding was expensive but blank chequers were not written. But most importantly it was what they wanted & chose to do.

When DS got married the first time, they wanted a very small wedding and paid for it themselves, although we offered to contribute. In the end they accepted us paying for the flowers and giving them a party in the evening. We also bought them a washing machine and a tumble dryer when they moved into their new house. When he got married the second time (my first DiL died) it was a very much more lavish affair, which they also paid for themselves, but as a wedding present we paid for the photographer, which was just under eight hundred pounds. My daughter and her partner show no signs of wanting to get married. "We might get round to it one day" is their usual response when people ask (not me - I know better!). But they have only been together twenty four years! Plenty of time yet!

Don't count on it Loopylou, one of my daughter's said she couldn't stand the the thought of being the centre of attention and after being bridesmaid for her sister seemed even more determined. A few years later after spending months knee deep in bride's magazines and hours on the internet she had a fancier and more expensive wedding than her siblings....her sister's nicknamed her "bridezilla"!!!

My parents paid £30 for the three tier pentagonal cake that a friend made and another £30 for the rest of the food that the same friend organised. Another friend said we could have a reception at his house. We did. My parents also brought fizzy wine for everybody.
I paid for the fabric for my dress (not white) and made it myself. I crocheted a rather splendid cotton filet shawl. No veil (no chance!).
My inlaws took all the family members plus three of my old school friends to the theatre for the evening.

My second wedding cost the register office fee, punting for six people (including my two elder daughters) on the Cherwell, and a meal out for the same six plus my landlord in the evening.

Two absolutely splendid days. I just don't do, nor require in order to make a day special, showiness and ridiculous expense.

My son got married this year. They organised and paid for it themselves and we just gave them a sum of money that we were comfortable with.

When DD married she was living with her DH and they paid most of the cost. Her dad (ex-DH) is well off but only offered her £1000. At the time my finances were stretched but I wanted to contribute. I paid for the church,flowers, DD's tiara and towards a coach to transport the guests to reception. I bought a plain 3 tier cake from M&S when it was on offer ( cost about £50) and they agreed to let me pay and then collect 4 months later! The florist made fresh flower decorations for the cake and we hired a stand. DD made all her own table decorations and favours. I was always a bit miffed that ex-DH said he would give the same amount to his step-daughter but then spent thousands going to her wedding in a very exotic location! ( divorced within 5 years!)