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Is it a generational thing?

(59 Posts)
Lilygran Thu 24-Sept-15 15:50:03

When I dip into Mumsnet, I find really offensive comments and really bad language. Most forums I visit are the same, even ones supposedly devoted to academic discussion. On GN there's strong peer pressure to avoid being rude and intemperate. The moderation is pretty severe, as well. So, is it just because we're older and more easily offended? Or are the women who post on GN different from the kids on Mumsnet? Anyone moved from one to the other?

Ana Fri 25-Sept-15 18:00:55

I don't swear very often, and never in public, but I don't find the words in themselves offensive, especially when used to demonstrate a poster's anger or just plain bewilderment.

There will always be some on this site, however, who will adopt the moral high-ground and object to swearing, even if an acronym is used...hmm

Anya Fri 25-Sept-15 17:59:46

Nothing wrong with a well placed expletive.

merlotgran Fri 25-Sept-15 17:58:35

Having read this thread I think I'll have a look at mumsnet. Do they have a sense of humour?

Mamie Fri 25-Sept-15 17:45:29

I agree suedoku, petra and bags.
I am 65 and swear merrily in context. grin
I hate the idea of something being "generational" because that seems extraordinarily narrow and limiting. Some of my generation (including me) demonstrated in '68 and helped found the women's movement of the 70s. Why would we want to censor language on an open forum?
I like the cut and thrust of debate on Mumsnet and I spend more time there for that reason.

thatbags Fri 25-Sept-15 17:30:52

Thank you for those posts, suedoku and petra. I sometimes feel really out on a limb here not taking offence and arguing that it's how words are used that's important, not which.

petra Fri 25-Sept-15 16:47:26

SueDoku. I know exactly what you mean,and I'm 69. I couldn't possibly post stuff on here that I post on MN.

Maggiemaybe Fri 25-Sept-15 15:03:48

I don't know how you find the time, SueDoku. I look at MN occasionally, but found myself skimming through their thread on Dr Foster today and lost half an hour. Nearly 600 posts! I'll stick with GN's 20 odd. grin

SueDoku Fri 25-Sept-15 13:28:24

I use both sites. In general I prefer MN (sorry) as the age difference really is very apparent - and I'm not just talking about the swearing... This site is lovely, and there are some good discussions here - but they don't 'grab' me like the AIBU ones 'over the way'.
People seem to take offense very easily, over things that wouldn't cause the bat of an eyelid on MN, and it really does seem a bit staid by comparison (oh and by the way, I'm 67). I'll crawl back under my rock now...

AdeleJay Fri 25-Sept-15 11:50:33

I was no saint with regard to swearing in my youth - I was much more volatile then and had little patience, I must confess. I think that the generations don't differ that much. I found that I had to stop using bad language in case an inappropriate word slipped out at work but I still swear quite often in my head! I have not been on Mumsnet but think it should be up to the site to monitor this.

It's harder these days with social media when everything you say or do is out there. Perhaps that's why I stick to only 30 friends (mostly family) on FB. I feel a bit sorry for the younger generation.

Jodygran Fri 25-Sept-15 11:50:02

For me it is not the swear words themselves, so much as the attitude and manner in which they are used. I do find that when I look at social media it seems that many people are very quick now to give an opinion, things are seen as good or bad and there seems to be a tendency to jump immediately to right or wrong. and I do find the vehement and often aggressive way difference is expressed offensive and distressing. And maybe that is age (70), or perhaps age does bring wisdom to how we respond to difference and how we express our views! It would be nice to think so.

thatbags Fri 25-Sept-15 11:49:55

I agree about words being powerful, maggiem. If words are used abusively, they are abuse. If the same words are not used abusively, they are not abuse. If a person's language is littered with words you (any you; 'one' in other words) don't like, I don't think it's really hard to decide whether they are just different from you or whether they are being horrible.

Words are just words. It's how they are used that's important. And powerful.

jinglbellsfrocks Fri 25-Sept-15 11:38:33

I came up from Mumsnet. It wasn't as sweary then as it is now. I don't mind a bit of swearing. It adds colour to language. smile

harrigran Fri 25-Sept-15 11:33:19

Whether words are meant unkindly or not I would be offended if someone used a lot of expletives when talking to me. For goodness sake there are dictionaries full of words, pick an alternative.

Maggiemaybe Fri 25-Sept-15 11:32:25

I don't buy the "only words" argument. Words are powerful. Would the same apply to "only words" used, whether routinely or not, about gays, ethnic minorities, people with disabilities etc?

thatbags Fri 25-Sept-15 11:18:51

Is there no moderator on your knitting forum, inish? Can the rude man be blocked from posting? Might be an idea to set that up if not. Good luck.

thatbags Fri 25-Sept-15 11:17:52

What feetle said. They are only words. One can be rude not using so-called swear words, and some people are. Very. On the other hand, some people are not rude when they're using lots of swear words. Context is all. If mumsnetters are routinely using "bad language", they probably don't think it's bad. In which case, it isn't.

So, yes, it probably is a generational thing. When I was in my teens I thought bloody was bad, now I don't even regard it as swearing. It's an emphasis word and nothing more. This applies to a few others as well, including the ubiquitous fuck.

Fuck can be used rudely, but I think it is used non-rudely more often than now nowadays.

inishowen Fri 25-Sept-15 11:16:55

I belong to a knitting forum. There are a few men there. One in particular is so rude and offensive to the women. He doesn't even knit. He has obviously joined to get a large audience of women. This morning he called us bitches and witches. I think I might leave as he winds me up so much.

janerowena Fri 25-Sept-15 11:02:27

I have come to accept that it is here to stay, so just tell myself that it is all part of the evolving of the language. I do remember hearing a 5 year old swearing after her brothers, who had run off to play without her. Back then I felt like crying, now I just think 'Well her parents obviously swear in front of her'.

DBH's school still exclude children who swear, especially at teachers, but I wonder how long they will be able to get away with that for.

annsixty Fri 25-Sept-15 10:46:58

I thought I was the only one Worlass. The more it is used as a common word the more it will be common to hear toddlers using it as part of their everyday language. And how can they be told not to use it when parents, friends etc use it all the time?.

janerowena Fri 25-Sept-15 10:43:50

I suppose, being in my 50s, I bridge the 'gap'. I can flit quite happily between the two sites. Bad language used to shock me, then as I got older I saw it for what it is - just words of bravado for some, just common and casual usage for others. A way of venting and emphasis for others. Language can only offend if you let it. I know how shocked DBH is if he hears it, yet he is younger than me. Maybe I'm just a more tolerant person, but I can see past the language to the person behind it.

Worlass Fri 25-Sept-15 10:22:55

I detest the f word, which seems to be part of common parlance nowadays. It is not so very long ago that DLH stopped to reprimand a gang of youths who were using what he considered inappropriate language in front of his wife. However, when overheard speaking to a male colleague on the phone, he was quite 'robust'. Seems that the rule book has been completely rewritten and now there are no exclusions, either in expletives or gender or age they can be used in front of. In fact, some of the vilest language, imo, can come from the mouths of children.

feetlebaum Thu 24-Sept-15 19:48:33

Just words... and they are only as offensive as you want them to be... they have no magic power!

ninathenana Thu 24-Sept-15 17:38:06

I remember being called to the office of the church youth club when collecting 8 yr old DS,
The lady wished to inform me that he had been over heard saying 'crap' I was quiet amused.
Not nice, but I didn't consider it swearing, now if it had been the other 'c' word I'd have been horrified.

AlgeswifeVal Thu 24-Sept-15 17:29:51

My opinion is that swearing by the younger generation is that they think it makes them harder or tougher a sort of a status quo. As the expression goes many a true word is said in jest. I hate hearing young mothers using the f word at their children.

Maggiemaybe Thu 24-Sept-15 17:05:54

In my day (cue the brass band and sepia photos of women in shawls and clogs) swearing was the odd bloody or bugger, and I used to blush at that. I can remember feeling daring when I said blooming! I've only been able to bring myself to say the f word over the past couple of years, as my working life demanded it, and now I find myself shouting saying it rather too much grin. A bit of cursing's very therapeutic where it's warranted (raging and venting), but I can't get my head round the yoofs of today who casually drop 6 swear words into a sentence so that they lose all their meaning. Some of the usernames on Mumsnet make me cringe.