Wind in the willows!

So funny! Phoenix the story of the man in your office made me laugh, hilarious.

I think the best thing to do with unacknowledged farts is to ignore them,
Unless you are overcome by the gas and need air!

LOL

Luckily it was - well whatever you call the opposite of a silent but deadly!

I was brought up to politely ignore such events and certainly never to make jokes about it.

Only a few weeks ago I was in a friend's car going out for coffee when one of the silent but deadly filled the car and it WASN'T ME. It was a very long five or so minutes as it was trapped.

I don't think this was worth starting a thread over. You were in the countryside enjoying a walk. Why bother to comment on somelthing so trivial.

"sheer embarrassment"? Grow up perhaps?

I've seen even more trivial threads.

Surely some people cannot help it?

oh jings lighten up, I thought this thread was funny, especially the description by phoenix of the clinking mugs . Maybe I am childish but a good laugh as I read this thread. My Grandad used to tell the bath joke, in his version the butler brought in a hot water bottle having thought his lordship had said 'wharabourawarrabottle'. Grandad also used to say, if he heard wind that there was 'many a good tune wasted'. I can remember the desperate clenching at the end of yoga classes....it rather spoils the relaxation of it all!

No. I think it's pathetic. Older people simply have less of the stuff (pro/pre biotic?) which helps move food through the digestive tract quickly, and therefore digestion is slower, with inevitable results. Why giggle?

But if your humour is still at schoolgirl level, I will leave you to it.

Has your sense of humour really stayed at the same place as your grandads?!

At the risk of upsetting the lady above in this thread, I have to admit to laughing at the postings... and offering my own silly joke - on my first posting, too! ...

Man to colleague: "My GOD, man, have you just farted?"

Colleague: "Of course I have. I don't always smell like this"

I'll get my coat...

Don't worry Judy, jbf is never upset, just crotchety sometimes.

I think I'm in agreement with jingl on this one

Why would anyone take my posts as being "crotchety"?

I have enjoyed reading the jokes but slightly ruefully. I often have wind problems (sometimes I sound like a little two-stroke lawn mower walking down the road!) and I feel very embarrassed. I try to cover up the noise with coughs etc but I feel too uncomfortable about mentioning them. From the thread I can hear that some people would prefer me to mention them and apologise. What is the general feeling? Or does anyone know of a cure for wind and those terrible farts?

Isn't it a fact that people get very windy at high altitude on long distance flights? I thought it was just me but I was told that it happens to everyone [I was relieved to hear it]. My hearing isn't as good as it was so, when it does happen when out and about I always hope that, as I didn't hear it, no one else did either. It does put me off exercise classes etc as being nervous makes it worse . onneker; you could have a good look at your diet and see if you can change it in some way. And they used to sell tablets called 'windcheaters' at one time; not sure if they still do. At least I often have the dog to blame....

Never eat anything from the brassica veg, or beans, or fizzy drinks Onneker, and they say wholemeal bread is better for the digestion.eggs are sulphurous too!

I was once told that, due to cabin air pressure issues, farts didn't make a noise when in a plane. On a flight to London I thought I'd try it. Well its just not true! I had to spend the rest of the flight avoiding eye contact with nearby passengers!

onnecker try eating smaller meals more frequently. And two foods that do not give wind are corn and white rice.

Cornflakes for brekkie before church? (never oats!)

The most hilarious time I have ever spent with my GCs was when the eldest had his first mobile phone. He spent the afternoon trying to perform a good fart to record and set as his ring tone. We were rolling on the floor with laughter. What is wrong with schoolchild humour, Jingl? Bet you don't enjoy 'I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue' on Radio 4! I love it!

Oh, oats are terrible. Which is a pity as they're so good for you and they give me enough energy for the whole day when I have them for breakfast. It's just that I then have to spend the whole day away from people.

We have a wonderful book called "Noisy Bottoms" - it is one of those board books where you press pictures along the side and noises emerge. It is the story of a little bear walking through the woods and meeting various animals who fart - the little bear keeps saying he would never do that - and of course on the last page he does - spectacularly! The GC love this book!

Tegan try Readybrek. Still oats and nothing but, but often without the side/sound effects.

I do and it's just as bad . I went through a phase of living on Morningflake Oats because it had most of my daily requirements nutrition wise and was very cheap, and it put me off oats for life until I rediscovered Readybrek [likewise the brown rice diet that me and a friend did in our twenties; can't face brown rice now, either..unfortunately the Mars Bar diet [two a day and nothing else] didn't put me off chocolate..strange that ]....