Small children attacking each other

Playgroups and nurseries are subject to OFSTED. Your daughter should ask for a copy of the accident report and their Child Protection Policy and set up a meeting, with your GS's Key Worker initially, to discuss how this situation can be avoided in future.

Your GS has a right to feel safe at Playgroup.

Please do not jump to the conclusion that all children's aggressive behaviour is down to poor parenting. My DGS's x 3 are all on the autistic spectrum. The eldest has Asperger's syndrome. He can lash out, biting, kicking etc., when he has a sensory overload. My DD would be horrified if she thought his behaviour was down to her parenting skills. Most of the families in the village where she lives know about the boys condition and are very supportive. Some who don't, give her funny looks. The boys had to be taken home early from a party at the weekend, as the popping of the balloons was hurting them. My eldest GS says the sound feels like being stung by wasps and nettles. Sorry I seem to have wandered off topic here!

I can understand why the name of the child is not passed on to the "victims" family. Given the aggressive way some parents appear to behave at kids football match, what they might do to the "offender" or one of their parents does not bear thinking about.

The alleged perpetrator of this assault does sound particularly aggressive.
As there appeared to be a significant injury to the child the playgroup should have a good look at this incident and report back to both sets of parents. It should be noted in in their accident book etc as part of safeguarding proceedures.

When'im That sounds like a sensible resolution.

I still remember the horrible two yr old next door biting my four month old DD on the cheek and a few weeks later when DD was in her pram this little girl held DDs fingers and bit them leaving marks. What you feel like doing to another child hurting your own is dreadful.

Thank you all so much for your replies,

My grandson, unlike his siblings, found being separated from his mother and going to a playgroup difficult but has really increased in confidence which is why this is so sad, as he has been very frightened.

I am not sure whether or not the law requires such incidents to be written up so that children who are consistently agressive can get the help they need. I hear stories of babies arriving at nurseries with sick in their hair and their overnight nappy still in place, so many parents are under such pressure that it must have an effect on their children, which is why I feel that perhaps the state should introduce a socialising programme at an early age.

While they may not be entitled to the name of the agressor the parents are entitled to know what disciplinary action the play group has taken and what safe guards they are putting into place to ensure there are no more attacks. They should possibly consult with the parents of the agressor and ask if they would be willing to meet with your daughter and discuss things. I understand that children do sometimes turn agressive very quickly, but if there is enough damage to cause scars why didn't a member of staff step in earlier? Your daughter should ask to see the accident report and make sure that the incident has been properly logged. This child sounds as if he/she needs help and making sure proper records are kept is an essential part of this.

The playgroup can't wash their hands of it. They need to speak to the child and his parents and report back that they have dealt with it.

Children can be very aggressive as they don't have as much self control. It is our job as adults to teach them right from wrong and support/encourage them to develop empathy and self control.

The best father/son chat I ever saw was after a fight when the father very quietly asked his son if he wanted to grow up to be a man. The boy said he did. The father then said that a true man only fights if his life or the life of others are in danger. It is the measure of a true man that he can walk away when others try to goad him because he knows that violence solves nothing.

My DGS then rising 2 was assaulted at a soft play area by an older boy This was when I took him. I was keeping my eye on him all the time and he seemed to be talking to a bigger boy. DGS is small anyway and was up to his knees in a ball pool and could not easily escape. The bigger lad was pinching my DGS's cheeks which and left bruises.

By the way the mum of the offender reacted I am pretty sure he had done such things before.
DGS did not cry at the time but shot off up into the climbing area and I think hid for safety. He was very upset when I spoke to the lady at the desk and he buried his face in my neck.

The owner did take it seriously but the marks did not show straight away.
He has not been put off fortunately.

I felt really dreadful about that. It's unlikely DGS would have remembered it. Realistically I could not have prevented it as you cannot be hovering over them every second.

Biting is fairly common amongst two and three year olds and 'aggressive' behaviour is often about children testing boundaries - they are only just beginning to empathise and often have little concept of the harm they may be doing. Toddlers are also just beginning to use words to communicate so they rely heavily on their actions to show what they are thinking and feeling. Some children are more 'emotional' reactors then others and so need to be encouraged to use thinking skills. In other words, both of the children need encouragement and support in situations such as described by alternativegran - and some parents are more adept and able than others to socialize their children well.

alternativegran - I do hope your grandson recovers without lasting harm.

Well I think the playgroup has a duty of care and while no one has eyes in the back of their head, they do bear the responsibility. If they had any concerns about the "aggressor" they should have been more diligent and taking the necessary precautions. I can understand why they will not divulge the child's name to your DD but she deserves a full account plus assurances that they will be more diligent.
If you feel it was a one-off and befriending the child it might be good to encourage a play date (your territory of course) sometimes mini bullies crave friendship and who knows, he might stand up for your DGS in the future if necessary!
Did anybody see The Secret Lives of 4 year olds? (I think I have that right) It showed anti social behaviour by tinies , often emerging from their parenting, but also how befriending could happen by some very mature and understanding children.

I hope he will be OK. My daughter works in a primary school in a decent area and some of the stories she tells me of the behaviour of some of the children are horrendous.

Oh, I hope he's going to be alright, alternativegran. My 3 year old grandaughter got bitten twice on her arm at nursery, leaving teethmark shaped bruising. She named the child and parents got together and said to both children that biting is an absolute no-no (my daughter was bristling about this, but listened and agreed that my grandaughter wouldn't think she was being blamed). The perpetrators mum handed a bag of chocolate buttons to her daughter and said she must share and be friends. There's been nothing of concern since then.