Having the house to yourself

Oh number I do so understand your frustration. And I bet it's coupled with guilt because we're not supposed to want our DDs to bugger off are we? But to never have an empty room, all to yourself . Can you not gently encourage her to take her laptop to bed?

AshTree, she gets up anytime between 9.30am and 11am, sits down in her chair and pulls the laptop onto her knee, and that`s it for the next 15 hours or so, even eats her meals with the plate on the keyboard! She wouldn`t even consider taking it into her bedroom, it`s plugged in all the time in here, if it was moved in there, it`s muggins here who`d have to cart it back and forth.
I do get the odd hour in the morning, on the odd days that hubby gets up late, but not very often. As soon as he gets up, on goes the TV for Movies4Men, absolutely crappy old films!

That sounds quite oppressive, numberplease. Can you get out somewhere, on your own?

Oh I think I'd have to sabotage the laptop. Sorry, I know that's somewhat extreme, but I'm thinking of her too here - she needs jolting out of her unhealthy lifestyle. Shouldn't she be at work? Out with friends? Just out? Sorry number, not for me to judge, but I'm guessing as her mother you find this worrying too.

Numberplease I feel for you. I have had DS living with me since I retired and his 3 children up to 4 days a week. He seems to be gradually turning into my ex which is horrifying. I end up cooking, washing, cleaning, etc while it would not occur to him to wash up, pick his clothes/shoes, or do any other jobs that need doing. In his case it is his phone that drives me crazy. He is never off it, tapping away, including when he is supposed to be watching his children! He also watches football and films which I hate, on the TV. He never listens to a word I say and I have now learned to stay silent as I did with my ex - deja vu - I am becoming more and more resentful but try to get out for a walk as much as I can on the 3 days without children, which helps. He went away to work for a few weeks which gave me 4 or 5 days 'free'. What bliss! I managed to do some non urgent jobs, sort the garden, walk more and actually read! Unfortunately he is now working locally again and it has made me realise how wearing it actually is. The word 'doormat' springs to mind!
OK - rant over. I feel better for having got that off my chest. Many people have it much worse. At least I don't have a so called OH as well!

Goodness Grandma2213 I don't envy you. We would all of us do anything for our DC, but so often a situation such as yours can become established before we know what's hit us. I'm sure you took your DS in without hesitation when he was in need and just instinctively resumed the role of mother. Why would you have thought of establishing ground rules right from the outset? I wouldn't have done either. But you're older now and it's not so easy now doing everything. And he is older too, and should take responsibility for himself and his children.
I think you need to have a talk with him. He probably just isn't thinking. I know when my DD is here she is inclined to revert to untidy teenager mode, even though in her own home she is meticulously tidy! It's a kind of reflex action when grown up children are in the home they grew up in.
On the other hand, of course, a rant on here every now and then may be all you need to restore your sanity!

Just sat down with a coffee and iPad after a weekend of looking after DGSs. Have just left them off to school. DH (lovely man but soooooo untidy) has gone away for a few days. And.....breathe! I feel like I have gone back in time 30 years. So the idea of a day of space to myself is just lovely.

However, ex SIL has just texted while I have been typing this to say he can't take his boys today so that's not going to last! hoping DD will be back from working away from home tonight.

There are seven adults living in my house so time on my own is very precious. Like number I enjoy the end of the day when they've all gone to bed and I can just sit for a time on my own - it's often when my daughter Facetimes me from NZ and I look forward to seeing and chatting to her and my granddaughter without anyone else around. I find if I don't have this time to unwind then I can't easily sleep when I do go to bed.

Right now I think that there are two other people in the house, but I'm not actually sure - I heard someone heading for the kitchen a few minutes ago. That's pretty typical, that I don't always know if people are at home or not and it's what my friends say they wouldn't be able to cope with; not knowing if they're in the house alone.

Be careful what you wish for; I loved it when I had the house to myself but since DH died, all I want now is to have someone in the house to talk to, to laugh with, to prepare meals with, even to argue with, just someone to be there.

I'm so sorry to read your post Marmight, I'm sure I'd feel like that if my husband died, something I have to prepare myself for one day, as although he is fit and healthy, he is 12 years older than me, so the odds of me going first are slim.

However, I do like the house to myself when my husband goes off to golf usually about three times a week, I luxuriate in doing my own thing. Children have both left home, but no. 2 son has been returning at week-ends with girlfriend as they are having issues with one of my son's house mates who is prone to coming back after a night's clubbing and putting loud music on at 4 in the morning so lately it's been full house again at week-ends as we often have granddaughter aged 5 as well. It's blissfully peaceful at the moment as I have the place to myself.

* Marmight *

Marmight I'm so sorry. It's so easy for us all to talk like this without a thought for people like you.

Oh Marmight, what a heartfelt post and it certainly made me catch my breath. It's so easy for us to slide into half joking about partners, isn't it. Thanks for reminding me to count my blessings rather than moan

I sympathise also Marmight it is not a nice place to be,but as we have said before we really cannot go through life being careful what we say all the time or we would not say anything at all.
Some thought that we are not all in the same situation helps but we must not censor ourselves. Marmight

I agree marmight although I don't want to be in a relationship I would like some company now and again.

AshTree, she hasn`t been able to go out to work since she contracted rheumatoid arthritis aged 19, stopped work aged 20, and has just got worse over the years, she`s now 51, she never leaves the house, so the laptop is her life really, I just don`t think it`s healthy. Her dad is va different kettle of fish, he just won`t do anything.
FarNorth, I wish I could get out non my own, but with no transport and limited funds, the choices are limited.
Marmight, so sorry to be bleating on like this, you must feel like throttling folk like me, at least we have someone to talk to.

number I'm so sorry, I hadn't realised your daughter had health problems. That does put a very different light on the situation. I can understand how she has come to rely on her laptop as her only means of communicating with the outside world as she never leaves the house.
How very difficult for you, though. All of this would be a bit more bearable if you had a little bolt-hole in your house, somewhere you could be on your own where no-one was allowed to disturb you. Do you have a library nearby? That could be somewhere for you to go and get some peace - libraries these days are very much community orientated and you could maybe spend some time there quietly reading with a cup of coffee if they have a machine (ours does).

There is a big difference between relishing some time spent alone, and in being lonely, isn't there?

Most marriages seem to be better for each person having some time on their own, you don't have to be joined at the hip.

Marmight I am so sorry. I was thinking before you posted- about what it would be like to have this house to myself... all the time. I couldn't I don' think

There are quite a few widows and people who live alone on GN, and I am one of them.

I'm pretty sure they're not all wanting to throttle those who are posting in this thread - as someone said we can't be watching our p's and q's all the time in case someone is offended or upset...

numberplease has your daughter looked at joining the Rheumatoid Arthritis society www.nras.org.uk ? They have local groups who organise activities. I go to a Tai Chi class and many of the women there have RA and go because it helps their condition. They seem to do lots of other things together as well. She might find it helps her.
Marmight so sorry for you. I am on my own but my son and his family visit once a week so I do get someone to cook for and it does make a difference.
I suppose it's the old saying about the grass always looking greener.....

Love the idea of rambling and flouncing from room to room, Grannyknot. I like not having to cook meals for everyone and sometimes I think I can't wait for everyone to leave home - only two teenagers to go now. But then when everyone is away I can get a bit lonely - my grumpy daughter can be a good roadtrip and cafe-visiting companion

I enjoy having the house to myself and do so quite often as DH is still working. It will be interesting to see how things go when he cuts down to 3 days a week next year. I enjoy my own company and am never at a loss for something to do. I also enjoy being social. However, when I have been in a large group of people for some time , even if they are friends and family, I do feel the need to have a few minutes on my own. Just a walk around the garden or a few minutes in a quiet room and then I am ok again. Any one else feel the same ?

I was a widow and so know full well what it is like to be alone. It doesn't mean that I still don't like the house to myself sometimes now that I am remarried. I love it- and absolute silence!
They are very different- you can wish for it without meaning that you want it all the time.