sad

I agree with Teetime that you don't have to like someone to show them compassion. When I was working, a member of staff received a telephone call to say her mother had died. Needless to say, she was in an awful state. This lady disliked me intensely for reasons I have never been able to determine and, for the most part, I kept out of her way, but it seemed that, in the event, I was the only one prepared to sit and comfort her and try and calm her down. The other girls in the office were youngsters and although they were sympathetic, they didn't know how to deal with it. The men were hopeless as men usually are! I even, eventually, drove her home. It seemed a most incongruous situation to be in. When she eventually recovered from her loss sufficiently to return to work, she resumed the same attitude towards me and I continued to stay out of her way! You do what you have to do at the time.

It sounds tome like the most important thing was that you were there and gave of yourself when she needed someone you don't have to like someone to show human compassion and that's what you did. I'm sure she appreciated it.

Thank you for all that, I just wish I could like her! Off to do something entirely different today, so will obviously forget about it (hope!) Thanks again.

You did the right thing letting her talk out her feelings. I am sure she felt a great deal lighter afterwards.
If she talks to you again about not being able to talk to her mum or remember what her voice was like I would try to get her to talk about what she does remember if you feel able to.
She needs a bereavement councillor really. A lot of bereaved people really get very upset about 'forgetting' their loved one and to help them remember them reassures. Bereavement counselling was part of my job at one time and often the person would talk about frequently visiting the grave but it not helping. I used to give them 'homework' of remembering what, or where, their loved one really liked to be or do and that usually allowed the person to find the place where they could communicate with the loved person.
Allowing a bereaved or otherwise troubled person to talk and being an active listener is always good. Well done you.

Sometimes counsellors do very little else but listen, so do not undervalue what you did for this lady. This does not mean that you need to pursue the relationship any further. Overbearing people are often unhappy people, looking to control something outside of their personal life over which they may feel they have little control.

You did a good job.

PRINTMISS you were very kind and compassionate to listen to this lady who you don't especially like. Sometimes, the grief of others can hit us like a train and I'm not surprised that it's been on your mind. She is obviously in a very difficult place right now and it must be dreadful to feel all alone in the world. Your kindness has shown her that she doesn't have to be alone and maybe this will give her food for thought. As others have said, this doesn't mean she's in line to be your best friend - don't let this prey on your mind but pat yourself on the back.

What's one of the best things you can say about someone? That he/she is a 'good listener' and that's what you were for this unfortunate woman. You don't have to say a word.

If you listened then you helped. Don't dwell on it, she may well seek you out again. If she does then listen and feel flattered, if she doesn't then accept that at that moment you were in the right place for her. You did the right thing.

PRINTMISS, you say you hadn't been any use to her, but I would say that you most certainly have been. You sat with her and she talked for three-quarters of an hour. Maybe this is what she's been needing for a very long time. It doesn't mean that you have to remain her bosom buddy, but I'll bet you anything, she'll have thought about her conversation with you last night.

Certainly not a dreadful thing to say, but clearly it's playing on your mind so it's great that you can come on here to offload.

She sounds very self constrained and lonely; it's sad that she doesn't appear to have anyone to talk to but it's good that you offered a listening ear.

Clearly the altercation triggered the upset and it's possible she won't bring this up again.

Not easy but I totally understand where you're coming from.

I understand what you mean, but we can't put the whole world to rights can we?If she has material things in life, then she has to develop a life with other people. my own Mother died way too early, when I was in my twenties, so at least she has had her Mother and her Father for an awful lot of years.
However many groups we join though, nothing can make up for the loss of parents and the grief just has to be gone through, in fact, it's part of the healing process to go through it.