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Are you a natural "joiner"?

(186 Posts)
ninathenana Sat 06-Jun-15 17:22:38

Well, reading this thread is quiet a revelation.
I never thought that there were others like me. I'd assumed that all those out going people I meet, were just that. I didn't think they might be secretly reserved like me. I would describe myself as out going but at the same time I can be an introvert. If someone strikes up a conversation on a train or sitting in the park, I will chat to them but I would never instigate the chat. When I was a teenager my best only friend's parents thought I was rude because I couldn't make conversation with them.
I used to go home wondering what those I'd been with were saying about me. Now I don't flippin care grin

durhamjen Sat 06-Jun-15 17:12:04

I always wonder about book groups, Sheena, if you end up reading 11 books you do not want to just to discuss one that you do, assuming there are 12 people in your group.
Do men join book groups?

Sheena Sat 06-Jun-15 17:08:15

I agree with you all....I wish I was a "joiner".....I did join our local U3A and attended a few groups.....but I didn't last !...all far too serious (and intellectual grin ) for me ! I love playing board games and so went for that group, but oh my stars, talk about competitiveness !! Felt far too intimidated...

I did join a book club too, and each month we'd take turns to choose a book, we'd all read it and then meet up for a discussion...but half the time the others either hadn't read the book, or only got half way as far too busy doing other things.....and really all they wanted to do was to natter....so not really a book club......now I'm reading this back I do sound a tad pompous and serious..but I'm really not like that...I just used to get annoyed with them all...and felt I had not a lot in common.

I now "envy" is a strong word, and I shouldn't say it, but I do wish I could be more sociable and I envy those who can quite happily be part of a group. I was an only child, and spent a good deal of my time on my own...so maybe it's ingrained !

durhamjen Sat 06-Jun-15 17:07:38

I do not join, but am often being told off by my kids for talking to anyone I meet on the bus or in a queue. My grandson asks if I know that lady, and if not why did I talk to her. I tell him he can do the same when he's as old as me.
Most of the stuff where I live centres round the churches. I went to the coffee morning this morning as I met a neighbour on my way to get the paper, and was asked by someone if I was "one of us". I replied that I lived here, if that was what she meant. Not sure if it was.

Marelli Sat 06-Jun-15 17:07:17

I'm not a joiner, either. I'm not really very good at being organised (either by myself or by others)!
I volunteer at a local small museum/exhibition centre, and have agreed to be on their Friends committee, but do hope that all I have to do is make the tea at evening events hmm!

loopylou Sat 06-Jun-15 17:06:39

I'm the same Soutra and quite content at the moment while I'm working. If I can I hope to volunteer for the National Trust when I eventually retire but that's several years away unfortunately.

Like Lona I'm enjoying being 'me'.

baubles Sat 06-Jun-15 16:56:32

I've always liked the idea of joining groups and clubs but never found one which gels with me. Having felt like the outsider for most of my life I think it's time to embrace my introvert tendencies as I don't suppose I'll change at this stage in my life.

Galen Sat 06-Jun-15 16:49:11

And me!

tanith Sat 06-Jun-15 16:48:16

I'm not a joiner although I'm trying to be. I've found since I retired long standing friends are either still working or are less available for some reason or the other. A friend of 30yrs has become weird, she has various illnesses and can no longer drive but she won't let me visit as she says the house is a tip although I've told her it matters not, I think she may have the beginnings of Dementia as we've had some very odd calls from her. We have such shared history too but she gets upset/angry if I say I'm going to pop in so I've all but given her up.

I did try the book club at our library but I found the choice of book really wasn't my thing and it was very clique and I felt like an outsider.

I'm just really glad now that OH is retired that we are 'best friends' and enjoy doing things together even if its just a walk to the chemist and back lol.. He's encouraged me to go to the GN coffee meetups in my area which have been nice and chatty but I do miss my old friends who know me and my family .

Lona Sat 06-Jun-15 16:36:07

I'm much the same Soutra, I seem very gregarious on the outside, but I've always been very shy and definitely not a joiner!
I have lots of friends but I've known them all a long time.
I don't worry about it any more, it's just the way I am, so I would say, just enjoy being yourself.

Soutra Sat 06-Jun-15 16:24:11

I do find myself envying people who seem to find a congenial group wherever they go, who launch themselves wholeheartedly into their local church/WI/book club or whatever. I am extrovert on the surface, but very reserved deep down, a reserve some people take as stand-offishness.
My mother being German in a small town in Scotland not long after the war never found it easy to fit in, while my father was universally popular but held back from many social occasions maybe because he sensed animosity to Mum and just wasn't prepared to bother with people like that.
Perhaps we should never have moved to a village but stayed in the city where these things matter less as I can say I have honestly tried and still find it a struggle. I was involved with charities in London, but never felt brave enough to try to get involved here; of course I joined the PTA, but again always felt a newbie, got involved at our church ( until it went all happy clappy and I couldn't quite get on with that!), I am Treasurer of our local women's group and belong to a book club, but I often feel I have to force myself to make the effort to join in the chitchat and find it hard to be 100% involved. If I am honest I feel like an observer or an outsider, even finding it hard to join in some of the jolly banter at our GN virtual parties!!
Should I just give over thinking about it? Just take the plunge? Or is it silly to try to be something I am not?