things kids say

when my ds was about 6 we went to dinner with elderly aunt and her companion who was rather masculine looking. Ds in extremely loud voice "mummy is that lady a man". It wouldn`t have been so bad if he had only ignored my frantic shhh but he kept repeating the question.

We had our two GD (5 and nearly four) a couple of days ago while Mum was at work. It was a drizzly day so we stayed in, watched some DVDs and had an indoor picnic!
When they were home in the afternoon they excited told Mummy what they had for the picnic and littlest one then said that Grandma and Granddad had put on a DVD. It was a film about a naked man and some chickens!
I hasten to add it was a Fairy Tales DVD and they had watched the Emperor's New Clothes and The Ugly Duckling!

Gillybob Well done those girls!

My mum (great grandma) is very prudish. She is simply unable to say or hear certain words. She is offended by the simplest terms and has silly childish replacements for a lot of body parts. I honestly don't know how my sister and I were ever conceived !

Anyway my 2 granddaughters (7 and 9) are horse mad. They spend every spare minute at the stables with their mum. They have seen horses born and horses die. They take it all in their stride. Imagine my prudish mums face when she asked my 7 year old granddaughter "what she had been up to to today?"

"Oh" said Gracie " it's been a good day today, we all went to Donna's stud farm where the baby horses are made. We saw a daddy pony with the biggest willy you have ever seen in your life"

You could picture my mums face.

Three year old granddaughter was being difficult and not eating much at tea time so granddad told her to leave the table (so that four year old grandson could finish eating in peace) and "run through to the lounge and sit with grandma" , me, who doesn't walk very well. Cheeky monkey that she is, she looked him boldly in the face and slowly sauntered past him saying, "I've got my slow legs on."

She notices and comments on all kinds of things; arriving at a restaurant recently for a family meal, as she was being seated at the table she announced, "Interesting plates", when she saw the square-shaped crockery.

My GD came to visit this afternoon with her daddy, she was looking through the window and the washing was on the line, she said "Daddy look at all Granny's knickers and bras on the washing line". Daddy pretended not to hear.

I am divorced and had my youngest DGS one day and was talking about his grandad, to which he asked "Nanny do you know my Grandad"!

The look on my face must have been a picture, after I had stopped laughing I explained that we were his mum's mum and dad.

Out of the mouth of babes!

We were visiting the 7th century 'Chapel of St Peter's on the Wall' in Bradwell, Essex. My DS was about 6 and I tried hard to impress on him just how very ancient the chapel was. I got him to place his hands on the stone walls, saying "Just think, you're touching the same stone that people over 1000 years ago touched". And "People stood right where you're standing now, little children just like you, who lived so long ago that there were no cars, no roads, no supermarkets, no trains, no airplanes, no televisions." And so on, lots of examples of just how much time had passed since the chapel was built.

He must have got the idea, because eventually he leaned towards me and pointed at the vase of daffodils on the altar, saying in a hushed voice, "And mummy, look - those flowers are still alive "

DGD aged 2, looking at the letter she was about to post for me,
Look, it's got a Queen sticker on it!

ethel - that made me laugh! My DGS slept in bed with me recently and announced to the family, 'Nana doesn't poop in the day 'cos she does about a hundred in the morning when she wakes up!' Again ..cringe!

In the supermarket the other day with DD and DGD we were most embarrassed. (DGD two and a half is almost potty trained but struggles with wiping her bum after a poo. We usually help her and say something like , I need to clean your bum its dirty').

At the checkout she shouted 'mama your bums dirty you need it wiped.'
Then, 'Granma, your bums dirty too you've pood'.
We got of the shop as quickly as possible.

This remided me of the time I took DD aged about 3 on the bus and she stood up on my knee and announced to all 'Im a pooper like my daddy'.
cringe.

DGS (nearly 3) to his Mummy.
"On telly there's Night Garden toys and I need one of them for my birthday"..(Mummy was not impressed that he has now been caught by advertising.)

Walking round our local cathedral, my 2 year old DGD stopped by a monument to a dead person, with a laid out sculpture on top and said: "Why has that man gone to bed with his shoes on?"

DGD, 3, when babysitting last night. 'When am I staying over at your house, nana?' Me: 'Oh, probably next Saturday, just got to check with mummy and daddy.'

DGD 'have you got strawberry ice-cream in your fridge?' Me: 'Yes, I know it's your favourite.'

DGD 'now you be the grandchildren and I'll be the nana. Ask me if you can stay over.' Me: 'nana, can I stay at your house next Saturday?'

Nana DGD 'Yes, you can stay, but you're not having the ice-cream.' I'm saving it for when A (her) comes!'

Maybe not quite the same, but it doesn't necessarily stop when they grow up (my kids still make me laugh) - my adult daughter recently taught me to crochet, so we were sitting crocheting together when she turns her back to me.

Me: Whats up?
D: I need to sit so I can't see you, your technique is painful to observe .

When she noticed the indentations on my shoulders from 50 years of wearing a bra "Gross. When did you get those? Does everyone get them eventually?"

Playing with GDs this afternoon and I chipped a nail on the lego bricks, I got my nail file out and smoothed the nail, GD1 looked up and asked me " are you sharpening your nails Grandma " ?

Little A nearly 3 had been playing with her cousin playing with her cousin....

ME..did you have fun at nursery today

A...no I was crying

ME...why what did you do

A....Emily tried to eat me...

it appeared she had been bitten...

My DD, aged about 3, had just put her slippers on. I said, "You've got your slippers on the wrong feet". She looked down at her feet with a frown, before looking back at me with a bewildered expression and saying, "But I haven't got any other feet!"

Not a funny one like those above, but this brought tears to my eyes.

GS3 (just 5) decided to give me his Stuart minion, to keep.

'Why have you given me this?' I asked

'Because I love you and you love me'

After he listened attentively to the story of Snow White (not my favourite, I must admit), my three-year-old grandson took the book across the room to show one of the pictures to his older brother. He carefully pointed out the wicked queen and announced, "Someone needs to put her in the arsehole castle!". None of us has any idea where that came from.

GD aged 3 was watching me rubbing Bio-oil on a surgical scar and asked what I was doing. I explained that it was to make my wrist better. She frowned and informed me seriously, 'Oil is for cooking.'

When my GS, 8, was staying last week, I thought we would make some biscuits, so I chose Anzac biscuits and I told him why Australian people named them so - to bring a bit of comfort and cheer to the troops who were fighting in the war. Later on, when we took him home, with some biscuits for mum and dad to sample, I said, "tell mum what they're called". He thought for a bit and said "They're called Andrex biscuits and people in Australia used to send them to the troops who needed something to make them comfortable!"

My nephew when he was little was so happy when they got a dog- a lovely golden lab called 'Muffin'. One day he was stroking her and he said 'oh Muff, you are covered in dog hairs', lol.

This thread has reminded me of when we used to go and stay with my own grandma out in the country. She used to take us out on long healthy walks, which, being city children we weren't that used to. On one of these walks my brother said "Grandma, give me a cuddle". She bent down and cuddled him. "No, pick me up and cuddle me", which she did...."Now walk a bit!"

In Sainsbury's with DGD, 3, choosing a couple of bunches of flowers. 'Can I choose' she asked, and picked up some lovely stocks from a bucket, but there were only three stems in the bunch. 'They're a bit weedy' said I, putting them back, before choosing some other flowers. 'Somebody's done a wee on them?' she shrieked with a look of delight on her face. All the way through checkout and out the doors, her loud questions could be heard by all around us. 'Who did a wee on the flowers, nana? Whyyyyyyyy? Was it a naughty boy?' I must choose my words more carefully