Making a virtue out of frugality.

We do! CARI!!!!!!!!

We need an emoticon for that, Jingle!

Mind you, you knew bloody well what I meant. Rude to mention it.

[thumbs nose and sticks out tongue]

Yes, of course it's "snook"! I don't know where that 'snoop' came from.

#ageingbrain

I know a Mrs Financially Superior so I will remember it too!

I thought 'cocking a snook' meant that, anno, at least I hope so because I just used it on another thread (re pupils 'cocking a snook' at teachers).

Have a lovely day Katek and could you send some our way please, it is grey and drizzly here and I wanted to take DGD to the park.

Mrs Morally Superior - love it!
I will remember that when I talk to Mr and Mrs Intellectually Superior!

phoenix, I agree with you. I think that 'cocking a snook' was something like thumbing one's nose, though I am sure someone will put me right on that.

Have recovered my equilibrium today...., in no small part due to all you kind GNetters! Today the winter sun is shining directly into my sun room, my very good friend is visiting and we are going out for lunch. Happy day and I will try to learn to rise above Mrs Morally Superior ..... If she wants to sit wrapped in a throw then that's fine, me-I'll have the central heating!

I do wonder why some who live frugally feel they have to almost boast about it?
DH's potty spinster godmother was the same, legendary for making a pound of mince stretch to 4 meals for her and her batchelor brother who she adeptly prevented from marrying (I think that was all they ever ate with boiled potatoes and cabbage !)
When he died she was almost obsessive about not spending money, wore sheets of newspaper wrapped around her body and tied with string to keep warm, in a house full of antiques and cobwebs, very Miss Haversham-like.
When she died left over £1.2m to a far distant relative who no one had ever met, lucky b....r!

As Granjura says, excessive frugality can be dangerous. A sort of OCD.

I always thought the phrase was "cocking a snook"

Frugality is fine, but when it does become an obsession, can actually be very dangerous, sadly.

My aunt and cousin would not waste a morsel of anything, if they boiled a kettle they put left over water in a flask for later.

Some people like feeling morally superior to others and feel they can occupy the moral high ground by being more abstemious and parsimonious than their neighbours. I think my response to that would be that there are no pockets in a shroud.

She sounds just like my late FiL who, even when he was dying, wouldn't have the heating on in his house, preferring to wrap himself in a rug. But it was his choice.

She could be fearful of spending money. She could have been brought up the way she is now.
She could have chosen to be frugal somewhere along the line, and now cant see that by not spending, that she is losing money [may be it wont affect her directly] through not keeping her house looked after properly.

Above all though, she seems to think she knows it all, when really, some of what she says is decades out of date.

What to do about her? Not much you can do. She is far too set in her ways and thinks she knows best.
I think that all you can do is think of it as her having the problem, and definitely not yourself.

Has she always been like this?

And about what age is she? Especially when there was rationing in the war?

kateK I would try to take no notice. If this lady really has got enough money to heat her home properly but instead chooses to let it fall into disrepair, I think it is she that has the problem.

Jangle away!

DM used to say 'A little of what you fancy does you good'

Perhaps she really is strapped for cash though, and is too proud to admit it. Being like that is her defence mechanism.

Thanks for all your suggestions/reassurances-I feel a little less jangled. FlicketyB I was very touched by the story of your uncle, he sounds as if he was a gentle soul.

DH is of the opinion that now is our time. We've worked hard, made sacrifices for the children, scrimped and scraped to make ends meet (and DH has had 2 heart attacks in the process) but now we can indulge ourselves a little. We don't smoke, drink, go out a lot, spend lots on clothes or travel. We have a nice home and cars and are just enjoying having that little bit extra for ourselves. I'm just trying to work out what it is about this woman that can make me feel extravagant and self indulgent yet cheap at the same time!

(Question to self: Why do I feel I have to justify my actions in above para? Or am I overthinking?)

Off to jangle the jewellery in Tesco!

I would jingle my Pandora bracelet every time I saw her and mention the new charm I just bought!

She sounds as if it is her mission in life to spend as little as possible (which is fine for her) and make other people feel bad if they 'indulge' themselves.

If she says anything about your nails, hair, clothes etc Katek just say 'It's because I'm worth it!'

Katek I had an uncle like that. He had grown up in poverty in Yorkshire during the Depression of the 1930s, but got a civil service job when he was 17. His work was considered essential so he wasn't called up in WW2 and he ended up as a senior civil servant who in today's values was earning over £70,000 a year and yet.......

.... he bought most of his clothes in charity shops and after his wife died never had the heating on. As a result the house got damp and when I went to the wardrobe to take him clothes in the Care Home he had gone into, I had to throw the whole lot away because the clothes and wardrobe were solid with strands of mildew. He bought the cheapest of food for himself, but really appreciated the quality when I fed him bacon and sausages I bought at my local farm shop.

How did I deal with him? Well I did realise that a lot of his frugality was caused by depression and a deep lack of self-worth that came from the circumstances of his childhood. He never wanted to be at the beck and call of an employer like the one his father had, who sacked him when his second son (my uncle) left school and got a job, saying 'you've got sons to support you now, I am giving the job to someone who needs it (ie he could tyrannise the way he had DU's father)

DU saved obsessively all his life to be free from work, he retired at 50, but when he had the freedom and income. he just didn't know how not to scrimp and save.

I just used to laugh and tease him gently and if I was staying and it was cold I put the heating on. If the food was dreadful I would insist on eating out (at my expense). But essentially he was a kind and lovely man who often gave money to people he knew were in need, adored his wife, but was born with a skin too few and felt too heavily all the pain of the world.

I have a friend who has no TV by choice - she makes me feel like a mindless telly addict. I find it deeply irritating. Best avoided really I think.

I live fairly frugally myself, but this is so that I can afford a few treats in life. I am happy with my lifestyle and quite enjoy making do and mending. It's all a question of degree. Your friend doesn't sound a very happy person and there seem to be some personality types who can tip over the edge from frugality into meanness and stinginess.

Many of us, in retirement, have to cope with limited means but this doesn't mean begrudging every penny. I can no longer afford expensive restaurant meals but I have become adept at seeking out Early Bird deals and so forth. I guess your friend is really to be pitied.

Toi be honest, I think it would make me feel superior.