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Now feeling a bit bad, but should I ???? Long story.

(30 Posts)
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FarNorth Fri 26-Dec-14 15:11:32

If SiL hasn't said anything to you, felice then I don't think you should bring it up. Just carry on as if everything is fine.
If your DD feels that SiL is unhappy she should discuss it with him and / or suggest counselling of some kind.
Elegran puts it well - he needs to find a way to get used to it.

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felice Fri 26-Dec-14 15:11:00

I lost my father at age 20, both i and SIL were adopted, his great mine terrible.
i have now found my Natural Mother and our relationship is wonderful even more when i found out the nasty way she was treated when she had me.
Does that bother him, he says he found his real mother but wants no contact, fine that is his deciscion, sorry about the typing have Brazilian friends with their little girl coming for and extra Christmas, just texted on their way will reply later

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Elegran Fri 26-Dec-14 14:58:48

Can you get into the conversation (without it sounding contrived) that you are so glad to have him (SiL) around to add him to your children, particularly at Christmas when there are so many reminders of the missing faces of those we loved.

Are your parents still alive, or could you speak of how you miss them, and how pleased you are that your own family is now larger, that it does not only shrink. You can't claim to be a replacement for his mother,, but possible he may see that everyone has gaps in their family at times like this, and adding new members to the circle is an ongoing thing.

If he can't adjust to his mother's death after 17 years, then I am afraid he is in for a long and miserable time. His mother had to do a similar adjustment a some time, and so has everyone who has lost a near relative - that means everyone on earth, eventually.

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Agus Fri 26-Dec-14 14:50:19

I am wondering if your SiL may be suffering from depression or may need some counselling to come to terms with the death of his DM.

IT's certainly not a healthy way to be thinking and I'm sorry you are going through this felice. It's certainly not your fault and if you feel a chat is out of the question all you can do is support your DD and DGS.

I sincerely hope this is resolved soon. flowers

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felice Fri 26-Dec-14 14:38:06

i was a bit upset when DD told me I was not invited upstairs for Christmas day, especially as i always provide the food.
Eventually i spent the morning with DD and DGS down here which always happens anyway, and we had a lovely time then I went to the Manse and had a really lovely dinner, with great wines and great chat too.
Then DD comes down this morning and we are chatting away, and it comes out that SIL is having trouble coping with me and DGS.
SIL was adopted from a French Jesuit Orphange(not a nasty one, good memories) at the age of 5.He is 47.
His Mother died 17 years ago, and he adored her, to the extent of hoarding everything she owned, except clothes thank goodness.
he is now not coping well with DGS and I as he keeps wishing his Mother was here too.
I am putting this in here as a lot of my friends here worked with and knew her well, so don't really want to discuss it too much with them.
i feel it is not my fault and he needs to get over it, after all he asked me to come and live in the Granny flat to be closer to them, and he doesn't complain when he can do what he wants and I babysit.
Do i talk to him, he slips into Parisien French when I talk about anything uncomfortable, leaving all the talking to DD.
DGS thinks the sun shines out of Grandma, and Papa too, he works very long hours and I try to encourage DGS to not ask for me when he is there but it seems to be becoming a bit fraught.
talking might make it even worse, ooofff I don't know.

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