Do we stay near our family or move somewhere we like?

What a dilemma Hondagirl
I think you need to decide what you want, as clearly waiting for your DD and SIL is only adding to your problems, particularly if their plans are so fluid.
I do feel for you

Oh dear, how difficult for you.

This is a dilemma that only you can solve, as only you know your family and DH.

Maybe he is also missing the UK, but is burying his feelings in sport? If you were both in the UK he might find more familiar things to get involved with - volunteering, Rotary etc.

My limited visits to OZ, Sydney to see our DS and DIL did confirm my opinion that I would not go to join them.

Personally, I think retirement is my and DHs time to enjoy. Although the we are there for our offspring.

But, it has to be your decision. Have you all discussed it as a family?

My best wishes to you. X

As some of you asked for an update on what our decision was, well we have not yet decided what to do. However, we had a chat with our daughter as to what her intentions were as the lease on the house they are renting is up in July. We explained that we felt we had been in limbo for nearly 4 years and that we need to settle down. She told us she did not want us to buy a house in Western Australia, as they probably wouldn't buy one either as they intended to settle somewhere on the East Coast of Australia, either NSW or maybe Queensland. We are a bit shocked as, although this is what we would like, what do we now do?

When they will move and where to exactly is anybody's guess and obviously depends on job prospects for s-I-l. Do we carry on renting here until they decide to move - could be a year, 5 years, t's anybody's guess. We can't afford to buy here and then sell as you lose so much money in Australia when you do move and anyway we don't really want to get stuck here where we don't really like it.

We have planned a long holiday to the UK and also followed by a holiday in Queensland. And then we need to make a decision. DH prefers Queensland, but I am very homesick for the UK. Also I feel guilty. Are we being selfish putting ourselves first when I know daughter needs us to help and support her with 2 young children under 5 as her husband works away during the week? Also my heart is breaking at the thought of leaving my grandchildren. Queensland may be in the same country but it is 5 hours flight away and fights are expensive. I feel as if our whole future, which we planned and which has already cost us a lot of money, has now been taken away from us. Our vision of spending our latter years with the family and particularly grandchildren is just not going to happen. I have done nothing but cry in private about this since the realisation. DH does not seem as concerned about leaving family and says we must do what it best for ourselves. But what is best for me is to have family in my life. But we can't go on being not settled for much longer. Also I don't know what life would be like just living with my husband and not having any family around. He drives me mad just wanting to watch sport all the time. We don't really seem to have that much in common any more. We were both working right up until we came to Australia and so have never really just spent time together the two of us alone.

I am not sleeping with the stress of it all. Looking back, if we had known the way things were going to turn out and that our son was not going to make the move as he had planned, I don't think I would have come.

Thanks rosequartz. It seems we have some hard decisions to make within the next few months. I have been googling and found that it does seem to be a common problem all over the world and also in America which is quite vast.

Tasmania is that bit more expensive when visiting elsewhere in the country; at least if you were near your DD and family you could visit family in Queensland or vice versa - there are sometimes some quite good bargains to be had on internal flights if you are prepared to fly at unsocial hours.
Should you decide to stay, of course. It could depend on what your son is doing in the future as well.
If you do decide to stay it would be a good idea to make a social life for yourself besides the family and not centre everything on them.
(sorry if I am repeating what someone else said, or it could even have been me!)

Thanks everyone for your comments and input -certainly plenty of food for thought for us and some sound advice from Papaoscar.

We did do a trip round Oz last year and visited Tasmania. It is very pretty and a bit like Wales, but unless you live around Hobart - expensive it is mainly very rural and after more research we found that facilities and healthcare for older people is apparently not so good.

Exchange rate going up quite quickly at the moment so more pressure to make a decision! We may not be able to wait as long as next July the way things are going. Anyway, thank again everyone.

I think I could make a home anywhere if my family were there and grandchildren.I see all mine every week and it's wonderful. However I do realise that things could change [jobs etc] and we would never follow children all round the country, that way you would have to move several times.You do need to feel happy where you are though, and balance that with how nice it is to see your daughter and DGC regularly.Also, the DGC don't stay children and will go off to university/college when older.It's a hard decision for you to make make, good luck with your future.

I've had two homes. One in the UK and one in Germany. Every time I returned the house never seemed like home somehow. I used to start getting it together again, putting flowers in vases and a few plants around and the garden tidied and then some months later back in Germany and starting all over again. it only works if you are really rich and have someone to keep these houses homely and comfortable. Warm and ready for you to return to.
In our case our daughters were in further education and without a home of their own. They kept going back to the German house but that did not improve it for when I got back to it. Then the house in the UK. I was always afraid it would get damp or get broken into. After 5 years I was more than ready to have one home and whatever disadvantages living in just one country had, it was better than dividing the time bewteen them.

If you are of UK pension age and return permanently I think you can sign on straight away for NHS treatment but would have to check that.

I thought it was 6 months?

Bear in mind that you will not be entitled to NHS treatment and some other things for a certain period (maybe one, maybe two years) when you first return to the UK.

Just looked at climate maps of Australia- it seems that the south Coast in WA, Sout of Perth, has a much more temperate climate- so has Melbourne and Tasmania. A possibility perhaps?

Living 6 months in each country- with the best weather all the time- does sound great, perhaps for 1 year or 2- but not as a long-term plan, I so agree. Same with having a Motorhome and travelling around- huge fun for 1 year, maybe more- and then? Agree that you need to make a choice- but which one??? Is there an area nearer than Queensland, with less dry/hot climate near your children, eg a short flight or day drive- which would suit you best perhaps? So you can see them regularly, but not daily- and build your lives there?

Some very good points, papa

Perhaps you could draw up a list or spreadsheet with all the pros and cons of the various options hondagirl (which sound like more than two as you have more family over there).

A very, very difficult decision this, hondagirl, but at the end if the day you have to put all aspects of it into the big scales of your lives and weigh-up what is best for you two, nobody else. A good relationship with ones family is wonderful but cannot be relied upon to carry on forever. We all change, our requirements as well. Youngsters are often very mobile these days, and to move closer to them in the expectation of contact which becomes progressively rare is heart-breaking, as we know only too well. Also nostalgia can be a huge false prophet. If you have been absent from the UK for some time you could be seriously disappointed with the changes that have taken place in the old country over the years. And there's always the fickle weather. At least in Australia you should have the benefit of a better climate and modern technology makes keeping in touch with the wide world much easier. Have you thought about a short return visit to the UK to test the waters again, as it were? Expensive, I know but you are facing a massive and far-reaching change to your circumstances. You may consider it worth it before you make your big decision. Good luck!

It was me who suggested it, I think, hondagirl - just a thought if you weren't sure where to buy a house. It could give a breathing space and be a great adventure. I wish we could do it, but we are probably too old and travel insurance for more than 8 weeks would be exorbitant (it is expensive enough now to add on to the cost of air fares).

It is such a vast country and, unless you knew that your DD and family were finally settled, you could still be miles away from them even in the same state.

Your DH sounds a bit like mine - 'you decide, whatever makes you happy' which is no help whatsoever! You will have to try to pin him down to see what he really wants to do.

Sorry, not used to using this forum. The above message was in response to soontobe's suggestion of becoming grey nomads.

Yes, we have thought about this, but for us I think it's also about having a decent social life with a good circle of friends as well and being able to do the things that we couldn't do when we were working. Currently our life just revolves around our family although hubby has started playing bridge,

We even thought about doing 6 months in Oz and 6 months in the UK, but I don't think we would be able to build up a social life apart from the fact that it would be very expensive as you would need accommodation and car in both places, not to mention the cost of flights.

Like here, it depends where you want to live.

The OP mentions Queensland (a vast state), but I know that some Brisbane prices are sky-high. Sydney is very expensive too.

Not so long ago Australian house prices were cheap compared to the UK but they have shot up in the last few years.

A rock and a hard place! What a dilemma. I don't know your financial situation or prices of homes in Australia. Would it be possible for you to afford two small homes and spend summer in UK and Christmas in Oz?
That way your son could visit you regularly. Agree that getting used to Skype is the way to go too if you are not already doing so.

I have a GS only 12 miles away here in Germany. Now he's a teenager , we hardly see anything of him and when he goes to Uni or abroad himself that's it!
I love where I live in South Germany even though I come from South Yorkshire and know Derbyshire and Yorkshire. If the family went to Australia I definitely would not follow them. I would miss the culture, the architecture and the continental way of life. I am not an outdoor person.

I feel that deep down you want to stay in the UK and just think, your grandchildren will grow up and may love to come to the UK and visit you.

There are lots of them on the road. We haven't ventured off very far ourselves but it would be a good way of seeing more of the country and finding out where you might like to settle (if over there). We have met up with some Grey Nomads when we have been camping with DD and family.

I never knew such a thing existed. Thank you for the link. Havent anyone in Australia currently personally. But worth knowing for the future.
It may help hondagirl. I would have thought it might help the living in limbo bit for them.

That's a good idea, soontobe - join the band of 'Grey Nomads'

www.greynomadsaustralia.com.au/

My kids [several] are moving all over the place, workwise. Their choice. And they move for a couple of years to work abroad for the same company for example.
We dont have any gc yet. And are staying put for the time being.
But I have run it by my husband about eventually having a camper van, so that we have a much more mobile existence.
Is that something that you may consider.
Even a moving home in Australia. And one over here.