Re: sisterly affection....don't make me laugh

alex a good slapping was called for, right enough.

Well done Vq Don't let that toxic sibling dictate how you feel/act. You're up and about now. The infection has left your emotional system metaphorically speaking. Oh I was fuming when I followed your experience. Had I been there, I would have really wanted to slap her silly.

www.gcrunner.org/images/Gold-Medal.jpg
For you VQ! You behaved with dignity.

vg I'm sorry you've been so affected by this. I hope you can put it behind you and feel better soon.

You can do it, vq. No-one will have been impressed by your sister's actions, so don't let her bother you.

Thank you. You've all made me feel so much better.

DH is livid about it esp as it's triggered some of my anxiety issues. He had to suggest I got dressed today so that he could open the curtains. I'd have happily left them closed and shut out the world. I managed to stay indoors all day but this evening he suggested a short walk. I didn't want to but I know from experience that the longer I put something off the harder it becomes. It took a while but he finally got me out of the front door and I shook and cried my way around the block. Fortunately we didn't see many people because that would have made it even worse.

Australia hardly seems far enough away vampire I suppose you should be grateful she's not in the next street. I just can't understand why people have to behave so appallingly! There are a few people I really detest but i try to behave civilly to them - in fact I am more likely to be really nice to someone I really dislike while friends tend to get what I really think.

I think you deserve a medal for getting through that horrible evening! Even if your being there had caused a problem with the money, to have her asking you for money on the evening was incredibly rude. She could have spoken to you later - and perhaps have explained why you were left out. Or on second thoughts perhaps there was no explanation except sheer vindictiveness.

I totally agree with what you say about large houses and accumulating money for the sake of it. I've got a roof over my head and my family are all still talking to me and that's my priority. Stick with Gransnet vampire where people enjoy talking to you and are interested in what you've got to say

I think your sister is very spiteful VQ. I would be happy to swap you for two of my sisters who I don't speak to. I am sure if I saw them collapsed on the side of the road I would drive on by.

I know just what you mean jinglbellfrocks.

I am getting treatment of sorts for my mh issues. Unfortunately mh is the poor relation of the nhs and this area is worse than most. But that's a whole new thread

Do you think your sister may be jealous of you in that she sees you in a happy, fulfilling and supportive relationship whereas all she has are money and things and having to work long hours to keep them? I know which I would prefer. You handled a difficult situation with dignity and should be proud of yourself.

This weekend is now over - kiss it goodbye and don't revisit it.

Your values are you own and seem entirely laudable to me - let your sister get on with her distorted views on life - they need not impinge on you in the slightest now.

You do not have to justify your expenditure - just enjoy your caravan - they can be such fun.

Well, just be glad when she goes back to Australia, and forget about her. Who knows if she is happy or not?

None of my business I know, but I hope you are getting proper medical attention for your illness. The right meds probably won't make your problems completely better, but they can help enormously. Just something to bear in mind.

We used our caravan when we went to North Wales for DS's graduation. It was before I had help for my anxiety and I found things like that very nerve-racking. It was comforting to have a "home" nearby.

jinglbellsfrocks...my sister and I are complete opposites. She believes happiness can be found in possessions and money. She has a big house with a swimming pool. Can afford trips and holidays. All the trappings of what some people call success. But from what I see, the house is too big. Why do you need six bedrooms and four reception rooms plus numerous bathrooms etc when there are only four of you in the house. She doesn't have a cleaner so it just seems like hard work to me.

In order to maintain the house and lifestyle she works all the hours God sends either earning money or cleaning the house so she rarely gets to use the pool or take the trips she can afford.

My sister's OH is a bully. She doesn't see it that way but he is. She even lost weight for him because he thought she could be a 12 rather than a 14. He works hard too in this race to accumulate so they rarely have leisure time together. The house is run to a set of rules. Even mum said it boarders on OCD. Coats always have to be put in the cupboard or taken upstairs immediately. All shoes except his have to be in a certain cupboard. He leaves his in the living room. Last time mum stayed there it irritated her so much that she put his shoes in the cupboard. When he was shouting at everyone cos he couldn't find them she pointed out that they were in the cupboard with all the other shoes lol. He has even managed to drive a wedge between her and her daughter. Although the girl still lives at home (she's studying to be a midwife) she is barely there because he is so horrible to her. She's a disappointment too btw because she chose to be a midwife rather than a doctor....'wasted brains'. I tried to point out that being a midwife is a worthwhile and valuable career. Also she wanted to be a midwife. She didn't want to be a doctor. She will never earn as much as she would have as a doctor but she loves the work and is really happy in what she does. Surely that's as important, if not more, than accumulating money.

Like my mum she sees me as a failure. The last time she contacted me prior the party stuff was around three years ago just after I'd become really ill. Basically it was the 'pull yourself together' and 'get some backbone' routine. You know how it goes. I didn't reply to that email cos I was too busy trying to stay alive at the time.

I don't see the point of accumulating more and more just for the sake of it. I admit I'd like a little more cash but we manage and usually we live quite well. We like pursuits that don't cost a huge amount of money. We like to walk and cycle, watch sunrises and sunsets, photograph things we see, listen to music, dance ....all sorts of things that are free or virtually free. Our one extravagance is the caravan but that helps us to save money in a way. Apart from cheap holidays we will use it in December when we have to be at the children's school on three consecutive days for Christmas events. It will be cheaper to stay on a cheapish campsite than pay for diesel to travel up and down the motorway. Also the caravan is good for me because I feel far less anxious when there are fewer people around. Maybe I could claim it as medical equipment and get my VAT back

to you vampirequeen. You have handled the situation with great tact but to the detriment of your own health. I feel sad for you, because you don't know the support and love of a sister. But you do have your OH and the children who must be a great comfort to you.

Vampirequeen and (((hugs)) and - you got through a horrid situation and kept your dignity. Well done you!
I am very thankful for my own four lovely sisters.

VQ I see a number of us have sisters who are a pain in the butt. My late Mum said to me I was lucky my sister had moved abroad otherwise she would have made my life sheer hell. She manages to cause enough problems with a plane flight between us.

I do think you have been treated appallingly and you have bent over backwards to keep everyone happy, but yourself.

At least you have plenty of GN pals.

I often wish I had been an only one, it would have made my life a lot simpler.

I wonder if she's jealous of you. You don't mention her OH. Just wondering.

Vampirequeen your post about your sister giving the money back to your uncle anyway has made me so on your behalf. Your sister showed herself up there.

Funny how siblings can sometimes claim 'ownership' of a parent when a milestone birthday celebration is in the offing. It's as though they want to show off that they are the favoured one at the expense of any other brothers or sisters.

Try and move on from it, vampirequeen. You put yourself in a good light by not losing your cool.

Isn't there an episode in 'Outnumbered' where they have a birthday celebration for the grandfather and the nice, put upon sister is seen outside in the car park kicking the selfish sister up the backside??

Hold that thought.

Can only say well done and try to put it all behind you now. Your DHloves you and that is the most important thing to know.

Everyone else has said it VQ so ((((hugs)))) from me. I've always envied people who have sisters but I'm not sure now! Families are supposed to be there for each other.

It was very brave of you to attend the lunch, I don't think I would have gone to receive humiliation.

Vampirequeen What a horrible experience. What a horrible sibling. I'm on the verge of tears for you. I trully thought my family was disfunctional, but this takes the biscuit. My sister has mh issues and little money, and we would never, repeat never put her thro' what you've gone through. Even although there's no love lost between us. Your sister should have adopted the moral highground quietly. Seems like the paltry amount requested was chickenfeed to her. No, it's about vindictive control. She must be one totally unhappy person. My mother hated my husband. She sent my brother and an uncle from one end of the country to the bottom to beat him up. This was 30yrs. ago mind you. My sister squandered nearly £11,000 from our mother, and even put mum's house up for collateral against an unsecured loan. Due to her mh issues brother and I let it go. If she had an incling we knew she would have killed herself. We didn't want that on our consciences. No, hold your head up, and here's to you.

I think that you deserve a huge pat on the back vampire - not to say a medal. You contained your own feelings for the benefit of giving your Mum a good day and that is to be applauded.

You cannot change the difficult family relationships and your sister will be gone soon. I know this is a big ask - but you need to try not to dwell on this ghastly weekend. You have a good nuclear family there - your DH and children. Nurture and enjoy them and try and keep to of the wider problems in the family. You are not well and need to husband your energies for those areas of your life that you can make a difference in and where you are treasured. It's known as the "art if the possible." Don't wish for the impossible - enjoy all the positives in your life and forget those things that you cannot change..

You do not need to justify your role in this to others or concern yourself with what they might be thinking - you just need to do the things that you do best with your dear close family.

Precisely. Mine is just as bad. She doesn't like DBH either, she wants me to live nearer and blames him for not managing to get a job closer to her! No birthday cards or presents for him, ever.