Darlin"

I don't mind any of those terms as long as people don't wink at me. I cannot abide being winked at. I don't know why.

With regard to a Health care situation If you know someone's name use it properly, as Jane A suggests.

If you are then undergoing an uncomfortable procedure and in pain and anxious, a nurse trying to assist you with reassurance will often use such terms and I have no objection to that.

It's what people do instinctively with frightened animals and children. A person's tone of voice changes as well in those situations to become gentle.

In terms of feeling patronised it really depends on the subtleties of the situation you are in.

There are so many such words in regional variety across the country. If someone is using "duck" "love" "sug" (as in sugar) or what ever else as a term because it's local custom does it really matter?

We would be a more boring country if we did not have such expressions.
"Dear" seems more patronising to me than say "Pet" or "chuck" "sug" etc.

DH often gets called darling or pet at the checkout in Morrisons, it tickles him pink. After years in the boardroom and workers doffing their caps it cheers him up.

I think when there is a perceived "power" disparity - as in a doctor/patient, nurse/patient relationship, etc., etc., I would find it a bit disempowering to be called by a "pet" name or my first name, although if someone addressed me as "Mrs Eloethan" I would ask them to use my first name.

Other than that, generally speaking I don't mind people calling me "pet", "love", "darling" or even "mate" (my elderly neighbour, of whom I was very fond, used to call me "mate" sometimes).

I'm really chuffed to be called Darlin or anything else affectionate, whether sincere or not. Old people like me seem to disappear into the woodwork and being called Darlin makes us feel noticed, just for a moment.
So, bring it on! Darlin, luv, dear, etc......

I'm glad you agree with my post re regional names and 'Dear' Nellie.
The terms of address don't matter too much as long as I am not being spoken to as though I am a five year old .

Our health care assistant calls me 'darling' and I have no objection. We have a good relationship whether she is taking my blood, checking my BP or cutting my toenails!

nelliem said: "In terms of feeling patronised it really depends on the subtleties of the situation you are in."

Exactly. If I ever did feel patronised I think my natural reaction would be to think of the patroniser as a patronising git and move on—it says more about them than anyone else, after all. If possible they'd get "a look" which would tell them exactly what I was thinking.

I'm sure someone famous said something pertinent about not feeling patronised but I can't remember who or what. I've a feeling they were quoted on gransnet at some point on a similar thread to this one some time ago.

I agree bags, but I think it might be easier for those of us who are still relatively young and strong (physically and emotionally) to give such people a 'look' and move on.

For those who are very old, frail, ill, vulnerable, and dependent on others I think it is important that they are treated with dignity and afforded the respect any adult would expect. This comes back to the power imbalance Eloethan refers to and I hate to see or hear vulnerable adults being infantilised in this way by carers or other professionals. I think Nellie is right that such terms can be used as a way of reassuring people but I think there is a fine line to be drawn, depending on the situation.

It's a funny old game isn't it.

Some, like my dad whom I posted about on this thread yesterday, really found a genuine warmth whilst he was in hospital because the nurses used such names.

I don't think there would be one person in my family or group of friends who would object to being called love, me duck, darling etc. probably because we all do it. Perhaps we are all just 'commoners'

It doesn't mean we are being disrespectful or over familar. I think it's pure and simply a way of human communication that shows a warmth and friendliness to another human being but each to his own.

I guess it proves a point that maybe in a hospital/work environment you have to ask how somebody wishes to be addressed so as not to upset.

The mention of nurses now has actually reminded me that I did use terms of endearment whenever a patient was in need of a cuddle or a bit of comforting. I used them with patients whom I knew would not take offence as opposed to others who preferred the formal nurse/patient relationship and would possibly think using an endearment was undignified.

Guilty as charged my lovely, I use all sorts of pet names in informal situations. Male, female, old and young are all addressed occasionally as poppet, pet, sweetheart, my lovely, m'dear and darling - although the latter is usually (I think) reserved for family members. So far no-one has given me 'the look' or indicated they might be offended, but I have had many people who keep coming back for more so I guess I'm using the terms appropriately.
The Lord-Lieutenant of Devon once greeted me with 'Hello again, my dear'' - a greeting that was neither patronising or facetious, we were just pleased to see each other. And I felt it was a term of endearment that was genuine.

That's exactly how it should be Agus - being professional enough to have that consideration for each patient and knowing that what would comfort one person would make another feel anonymous.

The midwives in Exeter who delivered DS1, addressed me as 'my lover'. As I was not enjoying being in hard and long labour, I found this quite endearing.

I do notice what doctors and nurses call me because since our lovely GP retired, no doctor or nurse has addressed me by the given name I use! What is it with these people? I have ranted written about this before. If it doesn't happen to you, you may think it's a petty matter. No, it isn't. Especially if they are now going to assume I'm demented because I don't answer to my name. It has only become a real problem since all records were computerised. Once it's in the database it has to be right. I can't simply ignore my first name because all my official proofs of ID use it. Much rather be called 'flower'!

Lilygran I have exactly the same problem. My first two given names are French and are always horribly mangled by English people. My third (English) name is the one I use. It drives me demented and no matter how many times I correct people they insist either that I can't pronounce my own name, or that I'm wrong and that anyway 'we don't use accents in English'. Grrr.

What was saying in my OP," it happens more and more, now I am older, didn't when I was younger !"

Just slightly perplexes me, but as I said, I am quite ambivalent about it. Certainly not complaining.

I am nobody's pet, honey or darling. Give me time to fit my hard hat on please.

CHARLY

I wonder whether hospital staff use such terms to younger patients, now you come to mention it, Nonu. Some young women might well take offence, and even claim sexual harrassment...

Charleygirl, I bet your everyones darling, sweet as honey, and pet, well dare I say it - probably not

Good point ANA!!

Pompa

Stop living dangerously.

I am not too fussed about this really - the sentiment behind it is what matters. My Son-IL often calls me "pet" - he is a Geordie - I receive it in the spirit in which it is said.

In hospital recently I was asked how I would prefer to be addressed and chose my given name, which everyone then used all the time. On one occasion when I was in lots of pain I think one nurse called me love while she was trying to reassure me - I could not object to that.

I do think that in a caring setting most workers have been trained to respect the wishes of the person they are looking after as regards name.

Pompa you have got it in one, I am not!