I am having a difficult time in general , so the thought of Christmas adds pressure at a time which is meant to be 'fun' as it is not a fun point of my life right now
Apparently studies showed that 45% of people actually dread Christmas
For various reasons eg relationship break ups , loneliness , bereavement , etc ... I don't want to go on with the list or it will depress me! lol
But I have had 3 bereavements this year including a baby Granddaughter who was meant to be born in August but died 3 weeks before her due date
My brother in law died suddenly in March leaving behind 4 children , he was 37 and my Mum in law died of shock 1 week later! So the extended family are finding it tough too
PLUS my younger DD turned to drink and had my GS taken away to a foster home so things are pretty DIRE for me at the moment but am trying to plug on through....
MY PLAN IS to keep myself cheerful somehow , concentrate on the positives eg I love Christmas Carols and find them more comforting and soothing than the upbeat ''You MUST be full of joy jingle songs''!!! So I will listen to Carols if I want the soothing Christmas music
I am going to my other MIL's on Christmas day so am GRATEFUL for that invite as it will be one day with pretty ''normal'' company at least and normal is GOOD right now
Will maybe try and pretty up the home a bit , not go wild as I don't FEEL wild about Christmas this year and don't even know where my GS will BE this year as in I might have to give him his present at a CONTACT CENTRE rather than at home but that might change even though my DD will be off at her friends houses with him most of the time which will get me WORRIED about alcohol and Christmas , her choice , but NOT my innocent GS's choice! :-/
So am hoping for a better year next year yet things are still uncertain BUT this has been the WORST year of my entire life , last Christmas was CR*P as well as DD had her alcoholic boyfriend round most of the time and he put a damper on EVERYTHING for me and it wasn't a good family Christmas at all!!!!!
We HAVE had previous years of some REALLY LOVELY Christmases which makes me even SADDER in a way because we HAD it before but now we haven't and the sadness has taken over this year even though I am STILL going to try and be positive and well as much as humanly possible! lol
I KNOW I AM NOT THE ONLY ONE WHO IS HAVING A HARD TIME / YEAR it is just that everyone seems to EXPECT people to be full of the joy of the Christmas season whereas I am not really looking forward to it this year , last year I WAS and it was cr*p so was disappointed so hope in some / many ways this year will actually be BETTER than I am expecting SOMEHOW x
