Chores wars

There was a thread about this a few days ago

I very much enjoyed the item on WH and was reassured that our division of labour (ha ha) is not unique. DH is not the only man who can ignore- -be unaware of a pile of old newspapers, dirty dishes, the cooker top, a full dishwasher, the recycling or an empty loo roll holder and leave things for as long as possible knowing --the fairies I will deal with them

Oops I don't know what happened there! I meant to cross out "ignore" and "the fairies"only but I am sure you get my gist!

Oops missed the other thread, must pay more attention.

I did n't see the other thread either. My DH usually does what he's told I ask him to, but I don't ask him to too much. I like to keep my jobs. He empties the bin, and very occasionally polishes the remaining parquet.

I should hope yours does empty the motor home lavvie! That's no job for a lady!

I have previously posted about my 'bin stand off' which only proved that OH apparently has no idea that a kitchen bin ever needs emptying but can simply have rubbish stacked on top of it endlessly and never mind if it overflows on to the floor

I have also discovered that if I go away for a weekend he simply stacks his dishes neatly on the side so I can put them in the dishwasher on my return

He says he fed the cat but the remaining cat food stocks say otherwise. At least the cat was pleased to see me.

Now, why didn't I notice any difference when my ex did a bunk?

My DH decided when we got married that his job was the garden and mine was the house. Successive house moves have seen the garden diminish to a shrub border and an expanse of gravel. The house remains my domain. He's very good at pointing out jobs that need doing eg yesterday he said "the kitchen floor needs hoovering". Did he go and get the hoover, no, he left it up to me. Sometimes he empties the bin, but he never puts in a new black bag. Bless him, he's very good at telling others what to do.

DH does do jobs around the house, a bit like jingl's when told asked to but it's when he does something on his own initiative that I have to grit my teeth and politely, because I get a running list of
'I emptied the bin, feed the cat, hoovered the hall, cleaned the car, put the washing out, watered the tomatoes.....' and so it goes on. He's learned not to add those incendiary words 'for you' over the years.

I occasionally turn the tables on him and give him a list of everything I've done instead but then he just looks confused.

Sorry I can't do a link on my phone.
This is the thread I was thinking of.

Sun28thSept-14 16-57
mrsmopp
Retired Couples-division of labour

Yes it does refer to retired couples, rather than all but very similar [ smile]

These sort of threads make my blood pressure shoot up!
I have to avoid them as I find myself shouting at all you hard working wives.

How on earth do you stop yourselves from hitting them over the head mentioning how lazy they are?

We have a kind of "bin wars" too nightowl except ours involves putting a new bin bag in. DH will happily empty the bin into the outside wheelie bin, but can't bring himself to put a new bin bag in. This really annoys me especially when, with tea bag in hand I go to plop it in and find NO BL@@DY bin bag !

Anya Exactly the same happens here. I frequently point out that 'It's your house too, you are allowed to do things in it, you know! As long as you leave it clean afterwards!'

It's taken him 19 years to learn to dispose of toilet roll innards. He occasionally stacks the dishwasher without being asked, but rarely thinks to empty it. It's supposed to be his job on a Sunday morning, occasionally I wait for him and remind him.

Both DS and DBH are perfectly happy to do it, don't get me wrong. They just don't see that it needs doing. They would be perfectly happy to live in squalor. And if you think that it must be hard to live with that - yes, occasionally, if I am feeling ill, but compared to Ex who had a mother with OCD and insisted that I kept our house to her standards, it's Paradise not to have to do it if I don't feel like it, and to have someone else happy to help. Which Ex wasn't. In fact he used to say 'You don't keep a dog, and bark yourself'. Which is one of the reasons why he is Ex.

There is a wonderful YouTube video a dad has made for his teenaged children, with instructions on how to replace the loo roll - he decided that putting the empty roll in the bin was too advanced and would leave that for another time - very tongue in cheek but very funny. Maybe some DHs should watch?
jingl thanks for suggesting I am a lady

Yes, I saw that. I showed DS, who has already reached the Advanced level, but we thought maybe DBH isn't quite ready for that.

Is it a generational thing? I know that both my sons are 'new men', though not so new now! Both have full-time working partners and take their share of both house and garden work - not to mention ferrying children around to various activities. I am not sure that my rearing of them has had this effect - more that they see their partnerships as just that.

I wouldn't care if my DH just sat in the chair all day, so long as he was still here!
I miss his cooking. He was an excellent cook and actually enjoyed it. Cleaning up after was a different matter! He'd say he'd done it but! His idea of cleaning up and mine were very different.

I don't think it really matters who does what as long as it works for the people involved and importantly that there is no resentment!

gillybob At least yours is 50% more evolved than mine But I do empathise with your 'teabag' frustration.

The even more annoying thing is that he is retired, but I'm still working.

Mine too, but over the years I have learnt simply to refuse to enter the kitchen until he has cleared up - even refusing to cook Sunday lunch the following day to show I meant business. Luckily for me, he loves cooking and is wonderful at it, so threats like that work. I told him that the sight of the kitchen, and the thought of having to clear up after him, depressed me so much and made me not want him to cook, even though it gave me a night off from cooking I would rather have had a takeaway. He took that on board and now clears up, although the floor may still be somewhat floury the next day.

I once hired a chef to come to our house and give him cookery lessons, as a birthday present. She was a teacher at the Prue Leith cookery school. When she asked what he wanted to learn, I told her that I really didn't mind, nor did he, but that what I really, really wanted her to do was show him how to clear up after himself as he went along. She knew exactly what I meant. He ignored my years of entreaties, but paid attention to a professional.

m.youtube.com/watch?v=pN0Y2EZuvTU&autoplay=1
This is the link to the instructional video for teenagers that jamsidedown mentioned. There's a loading the dishwasher one too

Fresh out of university in 1973 I had 2 married friends who shared chores and money 50-50. The husband (an economist) used his "allowance" to pay for a cleaner who did his share of the chores. His wife was furious but could, fortunately, see his point!

Fresh out of university in 1973 I had 2 married friends who shared chores and money 50-50. The husband (an economist) used his "allowance" to pay for a cleaner who did his share of the chores. His wife was furious but could, fortunately, see his point!

I'm so glad I did this quiz because it told me I do most of the work. How would I have known otherwise?