Name that person.

A rather largish lady we used to encounter in a café was nicknamed "two ham rolls" by us as she had the same thing every day. Sometimes we might say "Two ham rolls isn't here today".

We have a Mr. Perfect Hedge up the road , OH's 'girlfriend' over the road, Loud Lorraine opposite and the lawnmower man next door. Not sure what they would call me..
We also make up words to fit Number plates one I always laugh about its OBJ I better not type the actual words.. but its quite rude.

We do it loads!

One of our neighbours is called 'The whippet' because he looks like one as he is really thin and bony. A neighbour over the road is called 'Across the great divide' because she puts 'From across the great divide' in her Christmas card every flipping year. The road isn't that busy and most of the time we see her she looks the other way. Anyone with any ideas what that's about, please let me know!!

There was a woman who lived in the end house in a row of cottages opposite who had lots of male callers but I won't tell you what we called her. Suffice it to say that she had to move out because the end wall of her house started to come away from the rest of the house and rumour had it that was the wall that her bed was against.

I have Pervy Mike opposite, for reasons I will not relate!
Next door to him is Winky, which relates to his number plate. He is a massive body builder type. Another (very nice lady) is Fat Frenchy and finally Radio my Road!

Apart from Pervy they are all lovely!

I had a teaching colleague who was called Mr. Perryer. The kids called him Mr. Fizzy Water which unfortunately caught on with the staff as well.

DH's fishing friend is called Seasick Steve for the reason you've probably guessed.

We used to have George and Mildred living next door, although she wasn't called Mildred.

'Toothy' lives over the road, so-called because he has a mouthful of gnashers in various shades of brown, and somewhere in the distance lives a woman we call 'the Mad American' because she shouts at her poor dog so loudly in that unmistakeable accent you can hear her for miles on a still evening...

It's something we do all the time , we currently have a fit family who jog,cycle or run everywhere , the dog man walks his little dog same time every day. a white van man , self explanatory really, a pub lady....don't ask and Harold and Hilda from the TV as they always seem to be wearing the same style of clothes in the same colour.

We do this too! Mostly in our local pub. There are Phil and Sharon (as they resemble Phil and Sharon from Eastenders), the odd couple because they just don't look like a match at all, Mr Creep (sounds unkind but when he talks to women he looks at their chests with a lecherous look on his face), the lad and his dad although the dad is in his 90s and the lad is about 60.

Not really funny as such, but I used to work as a canteen assistant in a factory, and until I`d been there a while I didn`t know many names of the people on the machines where I took the tea trolley round. Consequently, I`d think of them in terms of what they drank, be it tea, coffee, orange juice, with or without milk or sugar.

We do this too. We regularly come up behind Mr. Slow in his car. He drives at 40mph and never varies. I make names from number plates too, it drives my OH mad as he can't see them being rather dyslexic.

Er....no.
Lack of imagination perhaps?

Oh yes indeed. In our street we have Neanderthal, Homer Simpson, chocolate teapot, Derby and Joan and fat Bob

The pub DH and I frequented before we married had 'L' the hat (always wore a trilby) 'B' the cab 'M' the shoe 'B' the book all referring to their trade.

The pub DH and I frequented before we married had 'L' the hat (always wore a trilby) 'B' the cab 'M' the shoe 'B' the book all referring to their trade.

'That Thieving B*****d' lived next door and Slugsie is across the road. The first is so called because he is a TB and the second because of his shape and way of walking - chin on chest, beer belly stuck out and shuffle, shuffle, shuffle. Rude maybe but only called that in these four walls !

My friend's ex husband moved into our village, we refer to him as 'silly boll**ks', the lady opposite is called 'the French lady' for obvious reasons, and we used to live opposite'Thelma and Bob' (from the likely lads) she looked just like Thelma and always seemed to be nagging and making a terrible fuss about things like encroaching hedges. We also call a rather large chap in a wheelchair 'Ironside' from the old Perry Mason dramas from my childhood. All of these names are in the privacy of our own home.....apart from the first one perhaps

Two of my sisters are The Prickly Pear.

We have two Iains as neighbours, one either side. They are 'NiceIain' and 'OrribleIain'. Last week I asked my son to take a parcel round to next door. He called across the garden 'NiceIaian or 'OrribleIain?'.

Fortunately only 'NiceIain' was in - we both heard the chuckle. I so hope that one doesn't get spread round the village!

Merv the Perv lives across the lane, and his wife is Rutting Rosie. Because we knew her when she was younger and wilder.

Barrow Boy lives further up the lane. He used to be one in London, but in the garden still calls out to his wife as if he is about to force her to buy a sack of spuds.

Two of our neighbours are always known as George's Mum and Dad, in spite of the fact that we know their names and the fact that George the cat has been dead for several years.

One of my customers at M&S was always known as Small Cappuccino No Chocolate.

Another neighbour is known to us as B*m Face. She is actually a lot nastier than the name suggests, we're being quite nice about her.

Returning from the shops the other day DH asked if I had met anyone, yes I replied, The stout woman, Osama Bin Laden, mrs Blobby and Capt Birdseye.
Any crack, he said. No just had a bit of a blether with them all.
I wonder what they call me.
I hasten to add they are all really nice folk.

we have acid paul, vw paul and brummie paul as friends ...

A man walking dog who often stops and talks about trains, name is Bill We call him Puffing Billy.

My lovely DD2 calls herself, at times, 'Oops I Forgot' as she overheard me once telling my friend that I had forgotten to take my pill and she was conceived/

A man who used to belong to a singles club by friend also went to was called Merv the Swerve because he swerved from woman to woman

We have a Vi I used to think it was her real name until my neighbour put me right and told me it was short for 'village idiot'

This thread is so funny! We have for neighbours, Fat Ugly, the Dumpies, Dick, Idiot Heads, and Thomas Crapper who is a cat from across the road who we think ids great but when DH has mowed the front lawn Thomas comes along and does one in the centre of it. We don't even know if he's called Thomas only that he's a Tom cat, crapper is self explanatory.

Really enjoying reading this very funny thread!

Mr. Fussy - when planting his annuals he measured the distance between them with a ruler and dusted the leaves with a paint brush. We came a bit unstuck when the children actually called him Mr.F as they thought it was his name. The 'Duchess' - 93 years old and double of the Duchess of Kent. Mr & Mrs Fang - both dentists. Arthur & or Martha. Cotton Wool Man - big hair, round and full of air. Dear Boy. Him Upstairs. Mrs Tee Hee, because she does all the time. Postman Pat (his name really is Patrick). Mr.Smelly, because he does. Jolly Molly to differentiate from the other Molly, who isn't.

I would love to know what they call me - or perhaps not!