regrets

I think that on the whole regrets are pointless, and fuel that tendency to dwell in the past that can creep up on some of us as we age. I certainly don't indulge in idle speculation as to what might/might not have been. My only real regrets are the times when I have treated others unkindly, or been selfish and insensitive.

Someone I know told me that a conversation with me about 30 years ago changed the course of her life and gave her the confidence to change careers. I cannot even remember what I said!

Sometimes you don't know what a difference you've made. Recently I met someone I hadn't seen for 15 years and she thanked me for all the support I gave her then. I didn't realise I'd done anything. Don't put yourself down Ethel your achievements are greater than you think.

I was reading all the posts thinking yes, that's me too. Lately I often think of all the things I should have done differently in my life. Then I read your post ethel of you standing outside the men's toilets retching. That made me really laugh, I think I have a weird sense of humour amongst my other failings, but I too would have been retching.

Gosh that is very sad - or is it? I am eternally grateful for my 3 lovely daughters - I truly know how lucky I have been.

Thankseloethan I too found it very moving. Sometimes we need a gentle reminder that it's often the small things that make life worthwhile.

www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2014/jul/12/letter-to-daughter-i-will-never-have

constance 's comment above re having a daughter made me think of this letter that appeared in Guardian Family a week or so ago. I found it very moving.

Great comments up above, hope you feel a bit less alone. Never had a career myself just lurched into different projects that only make sense as a pathway looking back.

And amazing how many people have worked as cleaners or still are - just started doing it again myself. Sometimes I even clean my own house!

I'm with Aka - sounds to me like you need to resurrect a Wildest Dreams List - I am about to redo mine tho these days trapeze artist is not featuring as high (not because I have done it already)

Sounds like you have done a few courses and had a go at a few things, so you know you are up for trying. Maybe have a go at things that you want to do, not just things that you think others will be envious of; someone out there is bound wish they had a daughter of their own so you are already envied.

The listing three positive things a day was really eye-opening for me when I tried it. It can be just be little things but they can add up and help you focus on the good stuff.

And reading - LOVE reading. Why not try writing down some of your own thoughts and stories about your life to try and remind yourself of all the good things or people you have met?

travelling - check our Airbnb website for places to stay that are cheaper than hotels in interesting places. Had a friend who house-sat for people and got to stay in interesting places for free. That might be something to try - especially if your wildest dream list included places to visit?

I was written off educationally, at the age of eleven. I was not even entered for the 11 Plus. While I eventually did college courses up to A level and equivalents, I still am annoyed with my parents for not having faith in me and it's left it's mark. My mother had been to university, but my father had not. He probably thought I would find a nice husband and just have a family, and not need anything else. Thank goodness things have changed.

Can't remember where I read it recently but something along the lines of "if I can say I have done more good than harm I am content with my life"

That'll do for me, I'm far from perfect.

Just remember bucket lists don't have to be far flung expensive experiences, they can be little things too. One of mine is to go to the Thursday morning coffee thingy which I have failed to do in 5 years! We often don't visit the tourist things close to where we live so it could include a museum or art gallery, it could be contact someone you haven't seen for a while. If you look for them positives are really quite easy to find.

One of the problems with dwelling on regrets is that one tends to forget that if one thing had been different, everything would have been different. Marrying my first husband was a mistake, although there were happy times in the first few years, but if I hadn't, I wouldn't have the lovely absentdaughter or my five (to be six next year) wonderful grandchildren. Life is all swings and roundabouts.

Thanks coolgran that's sounds like a Monday morning in the office

I often think that we are made to feel inadequate when we hear of people who have achieved or experienced great things. However, they are only great in comparison to the ordinary lives that most of us lead. If everyone was achieving great things then they would become commonplace. Not everyone can be the leader - most of us just have to follow. If you have managed to live a blameless life funded by honest hard work and produced a child or two and grandchildren then you have achieved much. I'm sure there are many people who would love a peaceful and uneventful life. Remember - the "successful" people you admire may not be all that happy. I guess the secret is to "want what you have" not "have what you think you want". Soldiers have died to protect just what you have now - so it must be very precious.

Like Stansgran I have a bucket list. Ride an elephant - did that last year - in Africa! - Something I never expected to achieve.
Some things were down to chance - Paddle in the sea with my grandchild was on the list before I had any.
Occasionally I have to remove something - a ride in a balloon now isn't likely due to a dodgy back - but the main aim of a bucket list for me is to get me to look foward with things to aim for and achieve.
(I'm slowly working up to having a dragonfly tattoo on my shoulder!)

I think a 'pity party' is where everyone sits around feeling sorry for themselves.

nonu please tell me what a pity party is? So I can avoid them or at least know what to expect.

Galen do you suffer SAD. Luckily you do not live in Norway, Svalbard

Where the little kids at school celebrate the rising of the SUN, and wear sun ray tabards and watch the transmission over the horizon, very short time, but very moving to see

I'm 70 in December. My DH died 11 years ago aged 59. Sitting around moaning just makes me feel worse.
I also find the weather makes a difference.

Sorry!

Can we have a little less poo in this thread, as I'm starting to feel a bit sick!

My DH has a good saying whenever I say 'I wish....' He says 'wish in one hand and poo in the other and see which one gets full first' Bit rude but it shuts me up.

What's done is done , regrets won't change it. Take action to change what you can and enjoy what you have and who you are. Remember nobody is better than you just because they have more money, a bigger house, a job that is perceived to be better or more qualifications. They are who they are and you are just as good.

I've been crying reading this. Maybe when you approach 60 it's a milestone but you could well have forty more years ahead of you. Make those forty years ring for you. I am approaching 69, about two weeks to go and my DM died at 69 but I am revising my ten year plan and looking at my bucket list on Pinterest. And read as if your life depended on it. Keeps me sane. Someone who can read but doesn't is worse off than someone who can't read.

PM

Nonu what is a pity party? Never heard of that.