Geriatric??

I see many women who live a life of being controlled, they tell me their husbands 'make' them do things such as who to vote for. One girl I know lets her husband watch sport downstairs on the big tv with his mates and takes her knitting upstairs until they go. I would be telling him to go to the pub to watch sport. I hear women say regularly that they dare not tell husband certain things and I wonder what kind of relationship they have. If these women were working full time and had financial security they would be more confident to stand up for themselves, or would they say as one woman said to me 'a bad man is better than no man at all'

I suppose a lot of it comes down to upbringing Silverfish - there are sections of society that did (and some still do) consider it 'not the done thing' for married women to be in paid employment (charity work would have been fine). Thankfully, that is, to a large extent, becoming a thing of the past; the flip side of it is that more women now initiate divorce than men do as women are now able to support themselves and their children.

That's what I mean Holly, if anyone does not work how can they be exposed to the realities of life, they only see what on the media.

It does make me wonder about how exposed some people are the realities of life for many women - in Britain. My first husband saw a working wife as demeaning to his ability to provide for his family. He saw any attempt I made at finding work as an attempt 'to wear the trousers' thus, once more, undermining his ability as a man; I would also add it meant a significant loss of control as well (but I was too young to recognise that at that early age).

Well said Holly.
I must point out that my husband was a lovely guy, we got on well and were best friends, he died by my side in his sleep at a young age. If I went shopping in the short time that I didn't work, he would say get anything you like as long as the bills were paid. He was a lovely person no-one could replace him. All I said was that perhaps I wanted new carpets or something expensive that he might query, I would 'butter him up, with a romantic night or just cooking his favourite meals. I cannot think that anyone has not done that before. You lot have all blown this out of proportion. I have also said that I would not marry again as I hate housework, which is true but probably if I met another lovely guy I would.
Just Im not looking. Please don't be so bitchy, an honest debate is another thing.

newist

I can relate to your post very well as my first husband was of much the same mindset. He told me 'I have bought and paid for you' (he meant the marriage licence) and I had to ask for, and justify, every penny I needed/wanted. Any mention of me wanting to find paid work resulted in huge arguments and him threatening to leave his job so that we would have to 'live on the measly amount that you are able to earn'.

I divorced him too.

I am talking about the present not the past.

I was also not confining the discussion to the past.

Nobody is stamping any discussion out, or trying to impose uniformity, but when someone makes sweeping statements like 'we all do it' and then accuses those who disagree as 'not being honest', then, yes, we do protest vehemently.

Yet that is exactly what happened (BIB)

Why do you (a generic 'you') find it necessary to protest 'vehemently'? Not in the least bit concerned about why someone would feel the way they do? Or is it more important that those who 'protested vehemently' (which stopped the contribution of another FM in its tracks) 'win the day' in the shortest time possible?

Not one of you asked for clarification of why Silverfish felt the way she did, why would she think that way about her own gender; it read as being more important that some have the perfect marriage and it was, therefore, representative of marriage as a whole - which, of course, it isn't.

It makes me think of the saying: there are none so blind as those who will not see.

janeainsworth Thank you.

'Newist' I admire your strength of character and how you would not be dominated by you Ex.

I like the "in a senile kind of way" in merlot's poem. I asked my son today if he will mind if I go slightly dotty but in a nice way. He said no, but to put it off as long as possible. Fair enough I think.

I'll just be glad to get to "geriatric" age. Call me whatever you want then.

How can anyone possibly prostitute themselves in a marriage? Who ever has sex once they are married???

Well said FlicketyB, as usual ( 15:12:51)

I must admit OAP sounds strange... we no longer have anything called an 'Old Page Pension', so it's meaningless. In the same way, MOT is outdated, as we haven't had a Ministry of Transport for many a long day!

I was informed a couple of weeks after the birth of my first child "Never forget, every bite of food you put in your mouth I have bought, so you had better be nice to me" It took me 4 years and a divorce, to go to collage, get qualifications to ensure I would always be able to support myself and my children. That one sentence, from that ex changed my life for ever, I have never asked or expected anything from anyone since then.

I recently sprained my knee and sent for a folding walking stick from ebay as a temporary aid. After that I was inundated with adverts for stairlifts, etc. I complained to ebay (you can give feedback about these things) that I was not that old and felt a bit miffed! They stopped after that. (Actually I suppose I am that old but I feel it doesn’t mean ME! )

"not everyone's life experiences are the same as yours" That is why it is not a good idea to state that "we all do" something.

That post of yours hits the nail on the head, Flick.

I am talking about the present not the past.

Nobody is stamping any discussion out, or trying to impose uniformity, but when someone makes sweeping statements like 'we all do it' and then accuses those who disagree as 'not being honest', then, yes, we do protest vehemently.

At one time, women were sold to their husbands (and it wasn't all that long ago that it stopped) by their fathers and women had no property or money of their own - how do you think they fared under that system given that the wives became the property of their husbands? How do you think that women 'encouraged' their husbands to be generous? That all men were good and decent and believed that marriage was an equal partnership or that they had the final say? Do you think that men like that don't exist anymore? Do you think that all marriages are based on fairness? Equal sharing? Or do you think that what men earn they still see as their own and only to be shared when it suits them? Given the lengths some men go to in order to protect their money when divorcing, I suspect those men do see the income as theirs as they don't appear to want to share it out equally and I also have no doubt that, at one time, they, and their wives, may well have claimed to have an equal partnership.

One thing I have noticed on GN: Silverfish is quite good at yanking people's chains and many will dutifully squeal 'objection' but without actually discussing it - it comes across more like those objecting are trying to stamp out a flame. Then, what you are left with, is a forum where people just agree with each other - all the time.

Maybe, if you listen to people who are not versions of yourself, you may learn more about human behaviour and thought processes that don't mirror your own personal experiences. With the best of intentions, I will say that not everyone's life experiences are the same as yours.

No, they were not shot down for saying using sex the get something out of someone is prostitution. They were shot down for suggesting that all women use sex to get money or goods out of their husbands and partners and then when many of us vehemently denied it, suggesting that at least she was honest and we were not.

From that premise she also suggested that marriage was merely legalised prostition, women sold their bodies to their husbands in return for being financially supported for life, which was also queried, not just by those of us who were never financially dependent on our husbands but also those brought together in marraige by love for each other and where sex was always consensual.

That has been said, Nonnie and the sayer of it was rapidly shot down in flames

In the original AA (precursor of dl DLA and PIP) elderly was defined as over 50

Hope this hasn't already been said but using sex to get something out of someone is surely prostitution?

Oooh, Elegran, you really tell it how it is, don't you? And you're absolutely right.