Husband sectioned

You have been coping with this for so long that you probably don't realise how stressed your body has become, now it has suddenly had the problem removed and your body and mind is reacting by giving way to all the emotions you haven't been able to express. I would strongly urge you to take a step back and consider your own needs.

The disease will only get worse, you are no longer a young person and will not be able to give your OH the care he will need. Do ask about what help is available and consider placing him in a home where people are trained to take care of people with his needs.

Time to take care of yourself

Posie - it may be time to call it a day. I worked for many years on a dementia in-patient unit and spouses soldiered on till a point was reached when it became obvious that the situation at home was untenable.

When discussing the future with the hospital staff, please do not commit yourself to having him home again without proper safeguards. You cannot continue with this stressful situation without serious harm to your mental well-being; and if he is being violent, your physical safety also.

Please remember that if they have medicated him whilst in hospital in order to reduce his violent outbursts, this is not the whole answer. If he returns home on a new medication, it will only work if he takes it, and you will be faced with the challenge of getting him to do that, a task that can sometimes be impossible.

They may offer CPN visits and day care, but do not forget that you will be solely responsible between CPN visits, and that getting someone to actually go to day care can be very difficult.

There comes a time when it is right to hand him over to professional care, and this it may be that this moment has arrived.

You will be feeling confused and stressed - dementia is an illness that is beyond reason and families find it very hard to cope. Be assured that there are people on here who wish you well and will support in any way that they can.

it's no surprise that you're feelings are mixed. Lots of good advice and support here and all I can do is add I agree with everyone who says put yourself first, have a much needed rest and work on taking a step back. Sometimes, having outsiders involved in this way can help, I do hope so

How awful for you. it is such a terrible disease and can change someone's personality completely, or exaggerate a tendency that was previously under control.
There is a weird kind of shame attached to being attacked by a partner isn't there, as if we somehow should have stopped it from happening and that makes it difficult to unburden yourself and get support.
I suggest you call your local Women's Aid today. They are very experienced at supporting women of all ages who have been abused. They are not just there for women who need to go to a refuge.They are used to women who feel guilty because they have called the police etc etc
Women's aid workers are your best bet at getting some unjudgemental support and help to help you with your feelings.
Of no luck there try Age Concern and they might be able to put you in touch with someone who can take the time to talk.

posie big hug. You've had lots of good advice on here. Mine would be - time to put your own needs first.

posie How distressing for you.
Just remember that at the time you did the very best you could. It's easy to feel guilty after the event, that's what women do, but you did your best.

Take your time now and don't be bullied into anything you don't want to do.

What a horrid situation Posie - you will get lots of good advice here!

We thought my mum was going to have to be sectioned but she eventually agreed to go into hospital voluntarily! The hospital was a specialist older person's unit and,although visiting was absolutely awful, the treatment mum received was brilliant and she was only moved to a nursing home when her behaviour was really well controlled.

Use this breathing space to decide what works for you and your family and let us know how things go!

Don't look back Posie the past is the past and cannot be changed. You have been through a disturbing experience, on top of what you've had to put up with all these years. Now your body is shouting 'enough'.

You have a respite of 20+ days to decide what you are going to do about your OH and, more importantly, the rest of your life.

Do not make and decisions or commitments yet

Take your time. Try to sleep, relax, eat and spend some time on your own getting your thoughts in order.

My heart goes out to you posie can I suggest you check out the Talking Point forum on the Alzheimers society site. There are people there who will understand your current situation.
As for the problems you and DH have had over the past 40+ yrs I can only offer sympathy

Poor Posie, you have certainly been through the mill! From personal experience, I would say mixed emotions are very much part of a drama in a long lived relationship like yours. However awful he has been, you still have a lot of mutual history and some of this will be happy, some sad.
You have not been stupid for putting up with him, you have done the right thing as it appeared to you at the time. Our generation of women were programmed to make a marriage last. to you and good luck with the next few days.

I cannot even begin to imagine how mixed up you are feeling at the moment Posie and really don't have any wise words to say to you although I am sure someone will be along soon who will have.

You have obviously had quite a lot to put up with during your marriage and perhaps this is a case of enough really is enough. In a marriage we all have to take the good with the bad, in sickness and in health etc. but from reading your post it would seem that you haven't had a great deal of "smooth". The situation with your DH has been taken out of your hands (for now) and maybe it is time for you to take control and consider whether you can cope having him back living with you if things have got so bad. It's understandable that you will feel terribly upset if you have been with him for 43 years. It's a hell of a long time. When you see the doctor tomorrow try not to let yourself be talked into anything you don't want to do. I am glad that you have a supportive family. My thoughts are with you.