is romance dead?

I have enjoyed reading about the non-romantic husbands (and the romantic ones). You lot have something far deeper than romance. You have a sense of humour and the acceptance of being taken for granted in a loving way. Romance is nice but it is after all only the icing on the cake. It can be turned on and off but has little to do, in my opinion, with being truly loved . Having said that ,it must be nice to have a romantic husband.

Good post greenfinch and, dont you think, a shared sense of humour is quite romantic too!

kitty I agree that a shared sense of humour is romantic.

I don't think that contrived gestures like buying something you know the person likes for every birthday, is romantic. Nor do I think that romance has to be displayed in grand gestures. Occasionally my husband will lean across from where he is sitting on the couch and just give me a little touch, or stroke my arm. That's romantic. Coming up behind me when I am working in the kitchen and putting his arms around my waist and giving me a squeeze or kissing my hair, that's romantic

My children would cringe if they read this and run away

Mr B is not romantic in the Mills and Boons sense - we would both find that yukky- we have a wicked sense of humour and call each other some atrocious names in humour (he is Big Bum- because he hasn't got one - see bad humour) He calls me Sybil - speaks for itself. Anyway what he does do is care for me in a physical sense - don't get excited I mean looks after me- makes sure I don't get too tired- does housework and ironing - looks out for me I suppose and he is very protective- so if that's romantic - he is. I'm not really. I do reciprocate on the caring front but neither of us do hearts and flowers. We have lasted 36 years through some pretty stormy weather so it must be OK.

When I was given admission dates to be induced with both DDs, DH had arranged for a single red rose to be on the pillow of my hospital bed before my arrival. He is still a romantic 42 years on.

DH can be very romantic but not so often that it becomes routine. When he was going to be away overnight recently I went into the bedroom and found a red rose on my pillow with a little note. In lots of little ways he shows he loves me and we touch so many times during the day. Of course at other times he is insensitive and selfish!

DS married recently and that was very romantic, he had arranged various surprises during the day including singing 'You are Beautiful' to his bride as part of his speech with 4 of his friends being the backing singers.

Another DS doesn't believe in Valentine's day and will have no part in it but then does little loving things at other times.

No, romance is not dead and the little things are far more romantic than the huge, attention seeking ones.

I feel very privileged having read some of these posts.

DS married recently and that was very romantic, he had arranged various surprises during the day

My son did surprises on the day he proposed to his girlfriend. He came to the house and said 'mum, I'm going to propose today (my heart sank lol) what do you think of ...' and went on to say his plans for the day:

He took her to lunch then drove her out to a beautiful spot where he'd erected their tent (they are both camping mad). He cooked a meal for her in the evening over the open fire, opened a bottle of wine, went for a stroll along the edge of the tide and when night fell and the moon shone, he actually got down on one knee, held out the ring and asked her to marry him. I told him it is a proposal she will never forget. She said yes btw.

I think a lot of it is to do with knowing what your partner likes and appreciates isn't it.

How could she refuse Holly

My Godson took his girlfriend to Paris and produced the ring at the top of the Eifel tower. Unfortunately the marriage only lasted 2yrs.

Holly 2 of our DSs proposed romantically too. The other one had plans to do so but it all went wrong dramatically. They laugh about it now and know it is a story they will tell their children. All three managed to get the engagement rings made to their own choice in the jewellery quarter in Birmingham. Its a wonderful place where you can choose your stone and the setting. DS3 and his fiance wanted to include some family diamonds in their wedding rings and used a jeweller who is very obliging, has made things for us too. Fascinating place to visit.

Enjoyed reading all the posts.Quite a few made me laugh. I think from reading them all it seems that although romantic gestures may be nice [if you are yourself romantically inclined] it doesn't mean 'love' or that the marriage will be plain sailing.As ninathenana says, her DS made a very romantic gesture, and the marriage only lasted 2 years.Some very loving relationships have romantic happenings along the way [you know who you are HollyDaze !]and some don't at all. Still hard to explain romance [to an alien who has just landed from Mars.]Both myself and DH are not at all romantic, but he sometimes does come back from shopping with an orchid or a vanilla slice for me so am wondering now if that counts as a romantic gesture [not in his mind,he just knows that I like them] just as I sometimes buy him something he likes.He would never secretly plan anything [me neither.]

My relationship is much like the one hollydaze describes - maybe that is why we still hug each other, as in the 'Specsavers' thread? A kiss when passing, the odd email during the day when we are thinking of each other, buying small gifts when out that we think the other will like and giving them at odd times or hiding them to be a surprise, planning surprise days out or taking over the organisation of something that we know the other is finding tough. DBH waking me up every morning with a cup of tea and a kiss, because I told him at the very beginning that Ex never made me tea or coffee. Holding hands on an evening out. Bothering to dress up for each other when we go out.

It's our wedding anniversary today, DBH has been really busy and I thought he had forgotten - no problem, we have both done so in the past. I gave him chocolates and a giant metal ornamental dragonfly for his black garden, then went off to coffee with friends while he went into work for the morning. I returned at lunchtime, he had come home and had made a salad for lunch, told me we were going out, and whipped me off to Peter Beales where he had ordered some roses I had been lusting after, for collection. Then he came back and did some weeding for me and took me out to dinner. That was the perfect day to me, and he knew it.

I think it's about consideration for the other person, thinking about what will make them happy, but without it becoming a habit that is a chore. DBH always lights candles when he cooks for me, for example. I sometimes feel quite guilty for not doing the same, but he only cooks once a week and it makes it more of an occasion. I think he is more romantic than I am.

Happy anniversary janer, sounds a lovely day

Thank you!

My DH and I got married 9 years ago. We had been together for 6 years before that. We knew we'd get married some day, were giving our kids time to get through uni etc. and sort of lived between our two homes. We had each been divorced and he brought up his 3 sons.

The proposal..... We were away for a weekend in the November. DH stopped at a jeweller's shop. Strange in itself cos he is not a 'shopper' unless it is for something specific. We looked in the window ?? I'm thinking .... does he wonder what I'd like for Christmas. It was weird cos time was stretching out.
DH says to me......... is there anything there you fancy.
I says.... what do you mean?... like for a christmas pressie.
DH says to me..... Well, I was thinking, if we got engaged this weekend we could get married in January !!! Yikes, only 3 months away.

First of all I said I was too old to have an engagement ring.
Then we went in, we got a gorgeous ring which I told him to put into his pocket and to ask me properly.
We went down to a little park and he asked me properly

Arriving home no-one noticed until I waved my hand about and the general comment was..... Yaaaay....we'd thought you'd never get around to it.

DH said his hesitation outside the jewelley shop was because he was waiting for a break in the crowd so he could get down on one knee.... hmmmm... I don't believe that for one minute.

At the time - When I asked him.... why now.... his replied.
"""Well you know how I'm taking early retirement (at 55) and how I've been going to retirement/finance seminars...... It seems that if anything happened to me, you wouldn't get my pension unless we are married before retirement.""" He was retiring in the March and so we got married in the January.

Now.... that sounds very practical, but I also think that it showed how he was thinking of me and taking care of me..... and that is romantic

Sorry folks, I gotta stop doing long posts !!!

Aw, these posts are really special.

I love the rose story Agus, beautiful.

My ex husband and ex partner were both very romantic (both ex's though, something I said? ). Out for a drive with ex partner and I mentioned that the heather on the fields looked very pretty. He stopped the car on the side of the road, ran across the road, jumped over the stone wall and proceeded to gather some heather. He ran back to the car, got in and presented me with stolen flowers.

I still miss him, but my aim will get better, lol.

Lovely stories jane,Cool and ruby.You are all very lucky as I am but in a very much more practical way. Important to value what we've got isn't it?

Apparently, DH is being really romantic when he cocoons himself up in the quilt because he knows I get too hot otherwise!

kitty It takes all sorts !

I get exactly the same story!

ninathenana and nonnie - did you have romantic proposals? I didn't it was along the lines of 'do you fancy getting married' lol

We bought my ring in the jewellery quarter in Birmingham! What a coincidence. They do make lovely rings there though.

rosesarered - of course that vanilla slice is romantic, it meant that while he was out busily shopping, he thought of you - you were on his mind, I think that's lovely

I loved reading your experiences too janerowena, Coolgran and rubylady - so lovely.

Your post made me smile kitty - typical man lol

Gee thanks HollyDaze I have had a romantic moment after all.He did buy one for himself though as well.

Ah - that is called sharing the moment rosesarered, even better

Sometimes, I will hear my phone let me know a text has arrived and when I look at it, it is from my son and usually says something daft like 'shut up mum, you're making too much noise and I can't concentrate' - he's at the other end of the Island working! It makes me smile because I know that, for whatever reason, he is thinking of me and wanted to be in touch. It all depends on how you look at things doesn't it

My husband is completely unromantic. When it was time for us to go and choose a wedding ring he asked if I wouldn't rather go with a friend instead of him! But he is a marvellous husband and all that was many years ago. But Valentines Day comes and goes - and you know what - I couldn't care less. After 39 years you know what each other likes and neither of us like soppy stuff. We care for each other in our own way and it suits us.