Whole limericks

A naughty old granny from Crewe
Told tales that quite often weren't true
Of her jaunts with The Queen,
All the places they'd been
And the cafs where they'd stopped for a brew

Thanks Elegran. I love writing limericks.

When texting my lover by mobile,
Our messages tend towards volatile,
With language exotic
Or sometimes erotic
Even Will Shakespeare would smile.

I like that Henetha What a lot of creative posters there are.

Volcanoes like Etna and Vesuvius
Contain material hot and effluvius,
When dormancy ceases
and pressure increases
Then watch out below, it's voluminous.

Oh yes, I often stay up all night worrying about limericks.
Doesn't everyone??
It beats counting sheep........

Very good! (Have you been thinking of this all night?! )

There was a young lady from Ryde
Who ate a green apple and died.
The apple fermented
Inside the lamented
And made cider inside her inside.

Thanks jingl re the loo, that works!

There once was a funny old codger
A Gransnetter took as a lodger
Said he'd do the odd job
For a couple of bob
But turn'd out to be such a bodger

I love that one mrsmopp!

JoyBloggs you could just say "she'd dash to the loo in a hurry". Gets rid of one syllable.

There once was a cow in a field
That try as she might couldn't yield
A grasp of her udder
Would just make her shudder
And normal in cold Huddersfield.

There was a farm in Huddersfield
That had a cow that wouldn't yield.
The reason why she wouldn't yield,
She didn't like her udders feeled.

Oh heck, it's not a limerick is it?
Anyone know what the missing line is??
Duh, I'm not fit to be a gransnetter...... Boo hoo

Although the fourth line has six syllables as well, so what I said doesn't make sense!

It does.

It's only that third line - trying to think of an alternative...

Thank you jingl, but I'm still worried it doesn't scan!

You're not lowering the tone Joyblogs.

That's a good one.

There once was a granny from Surrey
Lived mainly on rhubarb and curry
At the end of each day
In a purposeful way
She would dash to the loo in a hurry

Sorry to lower the tone and not sure it scans properly, but first attempt and will try to do better next time....

Wisdom comes in many guises
Self satisfaction too.
Those who think they're bloody clever
Just turn out to be full of poo.

MiceElf is woman of wisdom
Well learned in euhemerism
When bothered by gnats
They are fed to the rats
Together with daft criticism.

Just being helpful, jings ! I am sure you can rise above all the help.

I don't have time to put that in verse, I am googling pink ivory. It might stop poachers, but equally it might be so pretty it would encourage them.

And it's all your fault Elegran!

There is a poster on here now
Who would never dream of causing a row
Her name is like a little Elf
(Very pleased she is with herself)
She opens wide her little gob
And a sound comes out just like meeow.

That didn't work and it will probably get me banned.