I think we need a Christmas CBA thread too

I sometimes feel that I'm 'doing' Christmas because I feel I have to and not for the joy of it. December has always been a rather depressing month for me, maybe going way back 67 years to the three weeks I spent in hospital with pneumonia without my family round me. That has made me permanently anxious about Christmas, with a fear of being alone. Now, although I have always sent stacks of cards to old friends, it has become ridiculously expensive. E-cards are cheerful, but you can't prop them up on the mantelpiece!

I don't bother decorating or having a tree anymore. Cards are enough decoration. As I spend Christmas with one daughter and then New Year with the other one, it seems a waste of time.

I make a token effort for the children, but I don't really like Christmas decorations - I just enjoy being with my family and friends. Christmas is just a commercial bonanza, and I would rather be able to give gifts when I feel like it, instead of this big present-buying spree in December.

I am sure DH and I wouldn't bother if it wasn't for the kids and his mother, whose Alzheimer's means that she will unwrap and wrap the same presents all day as if it was the first time...it is wonderful to see the joy in her eyes and in those of her great grandchildren.

But there are lots of middle ways aren't there? We've never done big presents - dd was bought bicycle when it was the right time, not for a present. I will buy spontaneous presents in a I saw this and thought of you' kind of thing - but I like to give small gifts at Christmas as well. There are some things we do at Christmas that are just cheery and fun and wouldn't work at another time - eg I do a mulled wine and minced pie party for the road I live in. But it's not the only time we get together - it's just another nice excuse to have a laugh, a gossip and invite new neighbours in to meet everyone. Christmas can be a sort of coat hanger

But it's fine to not want to do any of this I hasten to add - just saying that it can all be done with some sensible balance if you want to that is

anno You've said it for me. I quite like Christmas and the atmosphere, but I don't like to be pushed into anything, I'm a bit contrary.
However, I can't afford much, and like bluebell, I like to buy gifts when I see them, not for a particular occasion.

When my two were young, the 'big' presents were kept for birthdays and Christmas was largely for stocking fillers. It's the way I was brought up too.

I read today that a % of people are taking out payday loans to, in some cases "keep up with the Jones " re present giving. That is sad.

I am with you Printmiss. I just wish the nativity plays could return to being traditional instead of Humphrey the camel or Wiggly Nativity! Vegas I was on my own when ex-DH left and remember making paper chains that fell down every few hours! We were given the last tree in shop by my friend's dad who was a greengrocer. It was so big it would not go in the room . I was out in the garden with a kitchen knife trying to saw the top off and we had so few decorations it was practically bare! We still had a good time though

Seasider - it was hard at the time, doing Christmas alone, but like you, we managed to enjoy ourselves and certainly have some good memories. I do remember the sense of relief that I would no longer have to put up with difficult in laws, dressing up for the day and there being an inquest if the lunch was not on the table at 1.00 om sharp. We evolved our own, more relaxed traditions. I did laugh about your paper chains as I remember being chided by my perfectionist DD on the grounds that the loops in the streamers weren't even, to which I replied in exasperation that we weren't taking an exam in this! This became a family catch phrase.

Bags I was just wondering why you were astonished at the carry on and hoo-ha? Surely it's no different than any other run up to Christmas?

I know what you mean it has become tacky and commercial. I often wonder if perhaps it's my generation that are a little to blame. Today's parents are our children. My own children were not particularly spoilt ( next to some of their peers ) but they most certainly got more than I did. So perhaps they feel duty bound to give their children even more. Our children were also subjected to more television advertising than we were so that may also account for their over indulgence. It's just a thought. For myself I rather liked decorating the inside of the house when mine were little even though on the last day of school my tree looked like a pile of glittering cotton wool in the corner from all their masterpieces. I can't now be arsed to get up into the loft. So we just have a few sparkly bits for our G.C. The best bit though is the family meal and the sharing and making of memories. I expect that's what those on their own miss the sharing.

I've just been reading the thread about parents getting their knickers in a twist about where their offspring go for xmas day. I find it all astonishing every year, cees, not just this year.

This is what I wrote on that thread and removed before I posted, for fear of getting shouted at. The thread property rights activists are scary

The moral of the story seems to be Don't assume. Having said that I'm now thinking about what assumptions I make about who is going to be where on xmas day. I think I assume that my DDs who no longer live at home will get on with life by themselves and just let me know if they want to come here. I tend to assume they (especially DD1 with the GSs won't come here because she and her partner don't like the over-hyping of xmas either). I think I assume that that's what'll happen because that's what has happened so far. It applies at all times though, not just xmas.

I don't assume that they know that I don't mind in the least what they decide to do at xmas. I tell them that. I also tell them they're welcome anytime. I suspect that they don't assume but know from experience that I mean what I say. Saves a lot of twisted knickers.

In short we don't make xmas into a big deal or set ourselves up for disappointments by having preconceived ideas about what should or shouldn't happen, or even what we want or want not to happen. We just wing it. I can recommend the approach if it's peace of mind you're after

Eating jelly babies on the beach was a good year. I think I'll do smoked salmon and parma ham "petits scoffs" this year because then food phobic Minibags can eat what we eat (or vice versa, depending on your viewpoint).

I'll do a ginormous trayful for soop's kitchen too and then everyone there can have a natter while the petits scoffs are scoffed.

Yes, best not to assume Bags

What do I do with a veggie dd a carnivorous sil and a very fussy 2 1/3 year old?
Me? I'll probably be too tired to eat, I usually am.
Suspect it'll be pasta with sauce and banana cake to follow!

Are they coming to you after all then, Galen?

Seriously Galen I did a Quorn roast for our veggies. I cooked a few of the roast potatoes away from the meat and they just ate all the non-meat extras. The littlies tucked into the devils on horseback except for one who dined royally on 'mashed potato and jam' (cranberry sauce).

PS glad to note you'll have company

Great that you will all be together !

Aka that sounds like the kind of thing [jam & mash] one of mine would do !

My DS2 and I always do the veggie dishes which have, several times, been filo parcels. He does the fillings and I fill the parcels. This year, I might make a roulade, just for a change.

One year I did the whole traditional turkey think for my sons and Mr. F on Christmas Eve, and then on Christmas Day cooked a chestnut and mushroom pie because a veggie. girlfriend was joining us.

That was, of course, before I became enlightened.

Gosh FFIN you certainly were noble . Don"t know whether I would have done the same .