May i ask a question?

A few years ago (and I was definitely old enough to know better) I asked
a black girl in my office what the Rastafarian religion was about. She said
'how should I know'. The minute the words were out of my mouth I could have fallen through the floor at my ignorance. She never liked me after that and I don't blame her. What was I thinking?

Oh, you sounded offended! And I certainly did not mean to offend anybody. The word I used is not commonly used as a term of abuse - far from it.

Perhaps some Pakistani people have used the term in the same way that homosexuals have 'taken back' the word 'queer' and African Americans have taken back the word 'nigger' - that is, to deflect insults by pre-empting them.

I told you I wasn't offended. One can object to a term without feeling "offence". You'll have to try harder than that, greatnan!

I don't see why you should object to a term if it doesn't offend you - we are splitting hairs now.

In the sixties and seventies when England was far more openly racist and sexist than it is now, minorities and woman laughed at and joined in with the humour because that's how society expected them to behave. Fortunately, since then, society in general has realised and accepted that such 'humour' is wholly inappropriate and that all people are equal and have to right to be treated with respect.

I think you are right about the pre-empting. I've done the same myself when someone said I was stupid not to understand an explanation. I said OK I'm stupid, so now can you put it into words I can understand. Who was embarassed? Me or them?

Bluebell don't think you read my post before you objected to it! Same old, same old.

I posted on a similar thread, that I used the expression 'nitty gritty' until I was told where the expression came from. Language changes in response to all kinds of issues, racism being one of them. Like other posters, I live in an area with a large Pakistani community. The use of the 'shortened' form is offensive to the community. Like women, jews, irish, scots, welsh etc etc, most of them would not make a derogatory or combative response to it's use unless it was deliberately intended to offend. It doesn't mean it's ok to continue to use these kinds of words to make jokes at the expense of others.

What on earth does 'same old, same old' mean?

Does anyone know why the whole thread was deleted instead of just the relevant post? I suppose I shouldn't ask but I have wondered.

Good question thatbags usually it is just the one post.

i think that makes a huge difference..if the abused ( racism is a form of abuse) takes control of the abusive language.

For example when black or Jewish comedians joke abut various sterotypes about colour/ religion then that is OK..They have the power/control of the situation. If similar sterotypical/racist terms are used by non Black/non Jews to belittle or denigrate either thoughtlessly or with thought then it is racist..the balance of power is wrong.

Racism is all about power.

I suppose if the word was used in the OP it would be a bit pointless to just leave the replies....

My father was so racist I wasn't supposed to speak to anyone named Campbell! Now I don't know a more multi-racial family than ours!

Iam64 That old chestnut about nitty gritty deriving from the era of slave trade is complete rubbish, not least because there is no record of the expression before the twentieth century.

Please someone explain 'nitty gritty to me?

Nitty gritty means the quintessential. Its precise derivation is not known. The first record of its use is somewhere in the twentieth century but some group decided it derived from the detritus left in slave ships and had been transposed to mean the slaves themselves. That explanation is completely erroneous.

It is not up to me to judge but I have to admit to being offended by the use of blasphemy. I am so sorry to heap coals on this particular fire.

It is sometimes difficult to know what is offensive and to whom. My DS's mixed race fiancée uses the word 'coloured' but I understood it was not PC. I won't go into some of the things she says about people who come here from the Caribbean, she is from Trinidad so perhaps she is allowed to say things we wouldn't dream of saying.

I think it is common courtesy to treat people respectfully.

Using a term that is associated with denigrating a person's race, appearance, ability & deliberately belittling their faith/belief etc is simply rude. There is no need for rudeness.

No she isn't allowed to say detrimental things about other people no matter who they are. She may not like a particular person but she can't generalise that into an entire nation or community.

Vampire if that was a response to me you have misunderstood. She makes observations that is all, they are based upon what she has seen and read. She is probably the kindest person I have ever met.

I'm fairly new to the site.
Is this what happens when the Mods agreed that a post is offensive ?
By which I mean the whole thread is deleted, not just the actual post.
On other social forum sites I frequent, a whole thread would only be deleted if the discussion really turned nasty with a series of emotional name calling posts. And even then the thread header would be left with one post from the Mods explaining why it had been deleted.
PS I didn't see the thread so can't comment on the content.

BerylBee sometime what you've described happens here. In this case I can only assume that the offensive word was used in the OP so there'd be no point leaving just the replies.