Sunseeker there was a woman who often tailgated me on narrow lanes. 
One day I waited until I was on a section where she could not get past, stopped, got out and opened the back of my estate car. She wound down her window and asked what I was doing. I said "Sorry, I thought you wanted to get in the back, I was holding the door for you" She quickly wound her window up again! 
A friend had a great bumper sticker which had a big pair of red lips on it and the immortal words "If I wanted you up my arse, I would have kissed you first"
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