I, for one, don't know where this website would be without............

soop is right about the 'silly, nightly and childish behaviour' of some posters. I have been verbally maligned, but have made the decision to ignore such people too. There is a world of difference between a robust discusssion and a personal attack.

Niggley, jiggly, nightly ......sorry it's the old predictive texts again

when [ (I only look at the pictures!)

I sometimes wonder whether those who rush in to say "I am not in the least interested in this" would turn to someone in the seat behind them on the bus and interrupt their conversation with the same words. They would expect to get the answer "So butt out then."

There again, perhaps it IS better to be verbally abused than ignored? To continue Eligran's analogy it's like people on the bus, the row in front of you and the row behind you, carrying on a conversation over you.....

Nope Nanadogsbody I'd much rather be ignored that verbally abused anytime. As one who has suffered bullying in my work situation I am sensitive to such things. Empathy is much better whether or not you agree with the views expressed.

Hi Alison I'm working between two threads here but they both come down to the same thing. I understand where you are coming from. I'm sorry you suffered bullying in the workplace, it's a horrible situation to be in especially if the bully is in a position of power over you.

What if you don't feel any empathy, though? I have no empathy for Mormon beliefs. I think they're nuts. I have Mormon friends though, with whom I have a great deal of empathy about lots of things. And I accept their right to follow their religion. That's not the same as empathising with it.

Empathising with Mormonism is not the same as empathising with Mormons.

I'm sorry that you were bullied at work, alison. That is awful, but I do wonder if you are sometimes confusing empathy with people and empathy with ideas instead of seeing them as two different things.

Gransnet should be freedom of speech to say whatever you feel, but without being vindictive to any another GNetter who does not have those same beliefs, just a healthy debate and then move on.

I agree Glass

Seems to me that bullies are almost always cowards. Like others, I've suffered my fair share of bullying, but refuse to be intimidated by anyone, now that I'm "all growed-up" [as my grandson says] no matter how clever they think they are.

soop I envy your maturity and strength of character.

Aye, there's the nub soop. Part of me says 'don't come down to their level' while the other part of me says 'you don't scare me'. Which is nobler?

Yes, well said, soop. I particularly dislike sarcasm when it is used to put down or belittle someone, as it invites others to snigger along with the user and thus compound the victim's humiliation. My stepmother was an expert, and one of the worst bullies I have ever known.

Soop x shall we have one together

perhaps that explains a lot anagram

Anagram Did your stepmother know she was a bully? I ask because I don't understand what makes someone behave that way and I would love to. Is it that they have never had to consider anyone else? Presumably they have never been bullied or they wouldn't do it? Do they make excuses to themselves to justify what they are doing? I can fully understand the people who follow them as they are insecure and need to feel they 'belong' but I have never been able to understand why someone would want to bully someone else. Maybe I am just too simple a soul?

Nonu I am beginning to get very tired of your digs at me.

Alison, I'm sure she didn't think she was a bully as such - she just thought she was very clever with words (which she was) and enjoyed having power over other people. I hesitate to say this, because I know there are a lot of teachers on here, but she taught at a boys' school and was particularly scathing about her pupils - perhaps sarcasm was her way of controlling them.

Not simple alison perhaps a gentle soul? It's not the bullies that bother me. Like soop I can deal with them. It's their followers, they are sheep and brainless and impossible to reason with.

Back off nonu

She must have been very unhappy underneath Anagram. Being 'clever' at other people's expense is no way to get your kicks. Anyone who does that is clearly not a happy person.

If anyone else has an explanation for why people become bullies I would love to hear it as I really do want to understand.

I seem to remember starting this thread somw hours ago, but I don't know what the f--- it's all about now.

We're discussing bullies and their hangers on.

Maybe we should all say exactly what we think, name names, and have done with it.

Otherwise we're all gonna be flippin' paranoid!!!!