Lil's Bar

So who did give Pete the 'Full English' this morning then?

Look PC Gram, will you just DROP IT!

OK so I tell porkies once in a while, s'not my fault!

Fifi prepared the 'Full English' this morning but something was lost in translation.... I did indeed enjoy the roll but cheese and hams??? NOT for breakfast thank you.
ella is innocent in all this..although she did turn up on all fours and I did tie dusters to her hands and knees just so the poor sole could get home or back to the bar!

Dear Ella, Did you forget to add "breakfast" for Pete?

Ohh, if you go to Lil's, make sure not to wear your footwear. Some twit knocked over my huge jar of nuts, and I can't find half of 'em! If they stick to your stockingend or bare feet they are still edible after a quick blow job to remove the flust. ( new word wot I made up - mix of fluff and dust!)
Shoes and boots crush me nuts, makin' 'em useless, unless more tramplin' turns 'em into shoe polish!

I've got two tins of "polish" if anyone can use .em!

Wait 'til you see soop's wellies, gramps - she's wise to your tricks!

Interesting to see what sort of mess wellies make of me nuts?

Me nuts is all counted, so I'll search for missing nuts in Soops bootiful boobs, oooer, I mean - BOOTS!!!

Had an early morning visit from the immigration people today and they took Fifi away, they said it was following a "Tip Off". I knew it was too good to be true
I'm off to Lils to try and get to the bottom of the "Tip Off" and get pis drown my sorrows.....

Have you any idea pete whose bottom you will be searching,and what clues you will be looking for....Lil wants to know if she is implicated in any way....and would you like her to take over fifi's position until you find another floozy with a feather duster,flashing eyes,and willing ways....you can search her bottom...and how would you like your eggs....she prefers hers unfertilised ......

Speechless!

Quite, nellie - we don't want any more 'false alarms' which lead to Lil abdicating her responsibilities and pursuing celebrity status in Poundland...

Lil is a worry and a trial I do wish she would find gainful employment or a very rich husband who would put a stop to her little pecadillosxx

Gramps - mumbling to meself.}

An' then, one o' they gels,sez, she 'opes the ol' bugger don' git old!
She luvly, that'n'. Could warm me bed up any night. Too good fer the likes o' me!

Me gran dorter said to me ,"Gramps, you're looking old! I told 'er , " I might look it on the artside, but still very young on the inside young lady"! .

Better wake meself up an' see wot's 'appenin' to young Pete. 'E's a right ol' card 'n no mistake!

nellie Lil could stand in...although she doesn't seem to stand for long! I like my eggs in any form as long as they come with sausages,bacon,tomatoes, toast and tea
Lil keeps rolling her eyes at me tonight......I've picked them up and rolled them back to her and she seems contented now. She insists on helping me over Fifi and claims to know nothing about the 'tip off' but I'm not too sure...Oh well, better the devil you know for tonight..

pete Lil needs a good man to put a stop to her shenanigans....is there any chance you would fit the description....and you would live over the shop,*ample bosom* whenever you felt inclined,and no danger of falling off your bike every night as you pedal home...

Sounds a good idea nellie
Yes I fit the description of a 'good man' as you can vouch for... but I need time to get over Fifi...and see if anything better comes along

I take it that's a NO then .....gramps ....don't suppose you fancy the idea of making an honest woman of Lil ....you will have free access to as much ample bosom as you can handle....

Pete...Lil's proposition sounds too good to be true. There has to be a catch. Don't be too hasty. Gramps is a lad of the world. Sit down together of a warm pint of ample bosom and pay attention to the nonsense he spouts. Have either of you settled the IOU's yet? Rascals! Scallywags!

Thanks for the confidence in me attributes Nell. I've not 'andled "Ample Bosom" for , I don't know when. The last time was when I overbalanced an' nearly suffocated in 'em - two tankards full!
I stopped breevin an' thought I'd gorn ter 'Eaven!!
Fancy that Pete refusin; a good position like wot wos offered. 'E never 'eard abaht many a fine tune played on a old fiddle! It were the "fiddle" bit wot got 'im!
Can I 'ave it on a sort of drivin; licence ? Providential, or summat!

Got to go an' bring the cows in now - dorters, ood 'ave 'em!

gramps...you are as nutty as a fruit cake. Thank goodness!

I notice the elocution lessons have worn off again, gramps!
What d'you think, nellie - can he give Lil a trial run? My only concern would be that gramps is quite a fragile old gent, sometimes a bit unsteady on his feet, and Lil is, as you know, a large and formidable lady person, not to be trifled with!

We can let him try cant we * ana* ,could be a match made in heaven,and I think gramps is partial to a bit of trifle now and again..

Littlenellie, well done I see there have been 548 replies since you started this thread! Is this an all time record?

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