Anybody else up yet?

Good morning! Drove back from Cheltenham last night and got home at midnight, so slept well! It's an effort to make the journey then, but the M25 is superb at 11 ish at night! May need a little toes up this afternoon...

Morning both, and thanks for the thoughts.
Yes, I do feel very protective. She has made bad decisions before now - mainly about her men! - but I have always known she would make her own.

(When she was a teenager, I dreamed of her as a toddler, and she was climbing out of the playpen and tightrope-walking along the top of it....a survivor.)

Her health bothers me most. She's had various hospital visits over the last few years, and not only for her kidneys, she had a cervical scare that took three ops to cure (hopefully) - and the first time she went for an op for a prolapse, her heart stopped with the spinal injection and she was in intensive care.

Moning all, I've just made mysef a coffee and come back to bed, something I never normally do but it's cold and DH has already left to pick up DD's partner to go on a fishing competition. I've turned my electric blanket on and feeling nice and snug. It will be interesting to see how long I stay here for, DD and the DG's may pop over later but other than that I'm planning a lazy day.

oxon I hope all goes well for your DD's move, we never stop worrying do we.

Oh welcome back to the early risers as well. You are right, she is an adult and she has to take her own decisions. The urge to protect them is very strong isn't it. One of the strongest most fundamental of human motivations. Your grandson will be in secondary soon, so that will be a fresh start for him and it is important she gets settled now. So I guess all you can do is ask her if she feels she can settle in this area and then support them both. I expect you will get the parking sussed once you get to know the area.

Oh, thank you, bagitha.

I know it is her decision really. I just feel a tremendous weight on my mind if she does take it and has to move in a hurry. It's a good area to live, I know that....the alternative might be to be in a flat on a council estate, which she never has been, and doesn't fancy. - This is not to say that there are not estates which are reasonable places to live, I have some friends in one in Oxford. But anything available to her has been in the worse places..........

At least she now has raked up a couple of friends available to help if and when!

Wishing your daughter good luck, oxon. I hope things go smoothly. xx

Hello, anyone?
I've been awake for ages....thinking about tomorrow when I go to Oxford to take my daughter to see this possible council house. I really don't know whether it is a good idea for her to move so far from the part of Oxford that she knows / away from her local friends / to a place where the parking is really difficult (for me) / where her son will have to move school twice in succession (he's 10)......hoping she can cope with the move if she takes it, she is not too well, and stress can make her worse (she has a rare kidney condition)
and that he can deal with it.
All going round in my head, so I wake up at 4. So infuriating!

Night night - I have turned off the lights and now I am watching the snow fall outside. Time to log off!

Night night Greatnan xxx

Thanks, everyone. I have had a very pleasant day, my fridge was delivered on time and I have had a long telephone call to NZ. I also had a very delicious meal and a glass of wine. My latest copy of Private Eye was in the post, so I am going to read it in bed, with a last cup of tea.

Greatnan.... you've hit the nail on the head, jealousy features very strongly in my middle sister's life and has done since she was little. She is also very condemning of other members of the family, mostly without reason to be, and misinterprets altruistic gestures.
I do hope you've had a nice relaxing day.

DD1 has just posted on FB ' How sharper than a serpent's tooth.....' so I am waiting to hear which of her six is being ungrateful!

And she will for ever Greatnan, it is the sort of sibling jealousy that won't go away and you can do nothing about it. My children all get on, but each thinks one of the others is the favourite and gets all of the attention.

I think you were right, Oldgreymare. Although I was made to feel very unwelcome at Christmas, 2010, before my first trip to NZ, I think the fact that I was going out there for two months was very much resented.
We had discussed what would happen if I ever needed some care in the future and we agreed that it would be impossible for DD2 to look after me - in fact, she expects her own oldest daughter to look after her. When DD1 and my SIL said they would really like me to live close to them in NZ, everyone agreed it would be a good idea, and I could go back to England for several weeks a year to see my other family and my sister.
DD2 says she could not possibly live with me, but at the same time she seems to be jealous that I will be spending more time with her sister.
I have lived in France for over ten years now, so it is not as though I have been round the corner from her. I don't think it is the distance to NZ that has upset her,just the fact that I will be close to DD1. We are talking about jealousy that goes back to the time she was two years old. Of course, I have not done anything like as much for her sister, as she has not needed it, but she still thinks her sister is my favourite.

Greatnan... that was a silly analogy given your plan to upsticks. I think what I was trying to say was something along the lines that with some people you're damned if you do ( anything that helps them or concurs with their views) and damned if you don't!

Oh greatnan sorry that some of the realities of life have come back to haunt you after your lovely holiday. Enjoy next week with your friend (((hugs)))

My GD is home schooled - the school and the education authority were happy for her to learn by correspondence. They were aware of her mother's problems - in fact, I think it was her separation anxiety that meant she kept missing school. The last time I heard, she was doing very well and in line for five good GCSE results. Her older brother, who is 27, is very protective and has been a father figure to her and the other boy. In some ways, I am glad he has not been able to find a job and leave home.
The older daughter is engaged to a very sensible young man and they would be available in an emergency. His parents are also very kind and sensible - I am sure they must have noticed DD2s bizarre behaviour at family parties.
Otherwise, my daughter has no friends - several women tried to befriend her but she says she does not need anyone but the children. I fear this may mean that they feel obliged to stay with her when they should be making their own way in the world.
I speak to my NZ family every day, as we both have free phone calls through our ISP. I am FB friends with several of them as well, and I also get photos of my four great-grand-daughters regularly.

I know only too well Greatnan those long hours in the night, when despair seems to overwhelm you. Tiredness makes it so much worse and it becomes a vicious circle.
Rest and recover from your travels, and I'm sure next week with your friend will help you to feel a little better.

Oh Greatnan* back down to earth with a big bang after such a lovely holiday. You must be so torn, knowing you have to accept the situation yet still hoping it will change.
My middle sister went off in a huff for years when my Mum moved nearer to my younger sister. Then when Mum moved back, and into a Rest Home she hardly ever visited her. Sometimes it is just impossible to please some people!
I do hope your day improves ((((hugs))))

Yes, I know you are right. After the first day, I wasn't allowed to talk about it in NZ - I knew they all knew the truth anyway.
I am going to stay with a friend in Switzerland next week and she is taking me on some great railway journeys. She is a very wise lady and we have some really deep conversations. She has been through the drug problem with one of her daughters so she is even more sympathetic.
I can't get out to walk at the moment, as I am waiting for a new fridge to be delivered, plus there is a thick white fog although it is not snowing at the moment.
I must say that apart from in the night, I am not thinking about it nearly as often now.

Is the 15 year old's school aware that she is living with a mother with mental health issues. If not, they should be so that someone can keep an eye. Every school has a senior staff member that deals with safeguarding and they are very hot on confidentiality.
There is no logic to the minds of those who have such problems greatnan I know you will be trying to make sense of it, but try to hang on to the fact that you did provide her with a huge amount of love and support and at the moment her mind is just focussed on the bad times. x

Greatnan, it is hard not to feel hurt by your daughter's behaviour and attitude. But it is her illness that has taken over and nothing you can say or do will alter that. It was very clear how happy you were with your family in NZ and that now you are home, tired and alone you are dwelling on the bad things in your life. I know nothing we can say will make a difference, but equally, when you shake off the exhaustion you will regain your equilibrium and usual positivity. We're here for you and I know your NZ family are there for you also. I hope you are in frequent contact by Skype.

Greatnan I feel the worst part of all this is just how much it is affecting you. It seems that it is probably on your mind most (if not all) of the time. It is really hard to do or think of other things, but I feel you must try for your own peace of mind.

Thank you both.
I do exchange pm's with my eldest grand-daughter, but she won't discuss her mother at all. She doesn't live with her, and I know her mother visits her to see the two little girls several times a week, and I expect they have to put up with hours of ranting. The oldest grandson has Asperger's and refuses to be involved in any family problems. He is probably deeply depressed anyway, as in spite of getting his MSc he has been unable to find work and has to live at home. He wants to get a flat and a girl friend, but they live in one of the worst unemployment black spots in Britain. I am not sure if he is still trying to get jobs abroad - he might no want to leave his mother. The 20-year old is just a typical young man, concerned only with his friends, girlfriend, sport and college. The 15 year old girl will pretend to believe anything her mother says because she is frightened of upsetting her.
I fear that any attempt on my part to speak about this to the children will be seen as my trying to alienate them from their mother. She is totally irrational and has twisted my kindest deeds into something malicious.
Her sister has lost patience after so many years of supporting her emotionally, and looking after the children when she was in rehab. She thinks I should challenge DD2 to take all the accounts to a solicitor or an accountant so it can be proved that I lost over £30,0000 whilst trying to help her. I know, though, that no matter how clearly they set it out for her, she would think they were just part of my conspiracy.
I did initially write to my GD explaining the accounts, which I left with her and I don't think it would help me now to write it down. It is not even the accusation of theft which saddens me so much - it is the knowledge that my daughter seems to have felt unloved, (or less loved) all her life and that she has been storing up every mistake I have ever made. I thought that the sacrifices I had made since she had her operation would have convinced her of how much I love her, but she said that it was no more than she was entitled to, because she had done thing for me. Part of her personality disorder is grandiosity- she loves to be Lady Bountiful and it must have been very hard for her to accept so much help from me. She seems to have turned on me once I could be of no further use to her.
I am afraid patience is my only resource.

Greatnan I feel for you on both counts, the sleeping and your daughter. I have a similar situation, so know how that can be. Kind thoughts.