Sex

Bromide it was, crimson!

Seriously tho, my mind wants to but my body flatly refuses. I've tried oestregen pessaries, blue movies, and KY Jelly, but the result is always painful, embarrassing and upsetting for both of us. Now my lovely husband is afraid to come near me, although we love to cuddle. Any ideas out there? I never used to have any problems at all!

Carosanto

That's how it goes, though. Without the dreaded HRT we're kind of scuppered, mainly - well I am, anyway! There are other ways, though!

IF it's all right for Jane Fonda at 73 ------------------------?

Nanachrissy......congrats for getting it just right! I hope to be in your position in the foreseeable future, but can't afford to divorce just yet as family needs financial help. Still chuckling at the blue pill and sleeping pill. Unfortunately I might have worn myself out with a combination of Black Lace books and two or three vibrators (no, not at the same time!) I have the feeling that the feeling on parts down below................
As for fat fairy, yes, I do miss wanting sex, but don't want it with OG. Have sneaky feeling though that if Soul Mate were to turn up, my body might waken up! Ah.....dream on................

I've got a randy husband, but sometimes I do get a morning off, when I have to leave early for U3A.

Ojh gawd - I can't believe I posted that....

Thanks Elizabethjoan, I've just made the arrangements for a naughty cuddly night tonight, nice meal,then tomorrow after a cooked breakfast and a long walk (weather permitting) I will wave him goodbye! Everyone is happy!

Has anyone seen a sex therapist - remember Dr Ruth - priceless

Dont want it...no interest or longings...but then it has never been important to me.
Sadly I have an emotionless husband..(us both in mid fifties) who looks upon it as a bodily function, like passing wind or blowing the nose...(always has..perhaps thats why I have never been over enamoured of it all!)...and who demands it whether I want, need or agree.

Gosh..I am so pleased to read that some of you enjoy still!

I would be happy to have a kind word or a hug...

Alifen; do you often wonder what life would have been like if you'd been married to someone else? I'm only saying this, because it's something I was thinking about this morning [before I read your post]. I wouldn't wish away my children, but I do wonder how different my life [and me] would have been had I met someone else. Alas, the marriage didn't work anyway, but I was always looking at my friends marriages and wondering why I felt so lonely.

Alifen, I can't tell you how sad your post made me feel. I don't know what to say, except that you surely deserve far better.

How miserable for you Alifen,what a differance it would make to have a DH
who was in tune with your feelings,my DH has alway's put my feelings first
and has been considerate and loving throughout our marriage,that is not to say we have not had some right humdingers of arguments we have,but the making up is great.

Alifen.... just say no! If that doesn't work, move into the spare room! I'm inclined to think that if you say no and then he 'proceeds'....surely that is a form of rape! Tell him what you really think/want too.
Chaste hugs, OGM.

Alifen - that's sad. WHY are you putting yourself through this? Do you absolutely have to? After 25 years my husband and I had totally lost interest in each other, and , inevitably in sex. We divorced and 15 years on are on reasonably friendly terms for our children and grandchildren. Meantime, I had a great relationship where we kept our own homes but shared weekends, holidays etc etc. It ended after 10 years but was well worth having. He was becoming too possessive and suggesting marriage. Ex-husband has happily re-married and I am enjoying being independent and am not actively looking for another man. However if the right man comes along I am quite prepared to give it a go although I'd still be very reluctant to share a home. All I'm saying really is that misery is NOT inevitable

This thread was so interesting. To find out what other "oldies" think about sex - or lack of sex. I like sex. It's great. I just don't fancy sex with the husband. I love him dearly but I don't fancy him any more.

OH Acheron,not so much of the "oldies" you're as old as you feel or the person you're feeling,keeping a young out look certainly helps in the bedroom
dept.(all said in jest)

Alifen I'm sorry for your situation and like others here wonder why you ut up with it but i imagine its more complex than that. I am very lucky I still fancy my husband after 33 years and we are Ok in that department . I had to accept that it was always going to be a safe married sex in bed usually once a week in the mornings. Once I had accepted it would not be any more exciting than that we were fine.

That's the problem; having two people with different needs who compromise, and are happy about doing so. If not, there will always be resentment, and that will spill over into other aspects of the marriage. As I once read 'a good sex life is 10% of a happy marriage, but a bad sex life is 90% of an unhappy one'. It's oh so true.

I often wonder too what life would be like with the right man. It does get lonely sometimes, and to have someone to share things with, good or bad, and to have a hug, are what I miss most. However I do think that the good things about living alone outweigh the bad for me. Better to be alone than with the wrong person!

Hear,hear Nanachrissy!

Alifen.....I really feel for you. I think you could try to stand back from the situation, talk it through with close friends for a bit of positive feedback. and sit down to write out all the things you love and value about yourself, and which other people appreciate too. I think you need to say "no" in a calm and rational manner. Separate bedrooms can make things much easier, once you work through the initial anxiety. A good night's sleep, without having a tense anticipatory body is wonderful. "Grace under Pressure" is useful, as is not showing anger, and using all sorts of valid reasons not to be in the same space! I think I know understand why so many women used to spend inordinate lenghths of time in the kitchen! Maybe thay's why vast amounts of baking got done! Take care of yourself!

Good lord, I've been off line for a few days and all sorts has come out!

Alifen - I agree with other comments that say "tell him no". I was always terrified of disagreeing with my husbands (yup, plural) - brought up that way, I reckon. The empowerment when you pluck up courage and do it! and in the event neither of them seemed to be able to do anything but go along with what I said I wanted. Life is so much more satisfactory: give and take is fine so long as both sides are taking both roles. Mind you, I notice I'm voicing my views more and more freely ... empowerment can be addictive.

My partner is in fact my ex (the last one), and we get on so much better now that I live here and he lives there. Nanachrissy, you are so right about the pleasures of living alone - I love it (but yes, I do still get the hugs, and that makes a huge difference). Although I do still look up and down the street occasionally in case a Knight on White Charger/George Clooney/some other terrific hunk happens to be knocking around and at a loose end.

I just think I'm not the living together type, at bottom. Perhaps sex AND my own place is just asking for too much.

Do you not find that men are very territorial in homes; even homes that aren't their own?

I wonder whether we are genetically programmed for these long monogamous relationships? One only has to look back a century or so to realise that marriages were often short.... women dying in childbirth, men re-marrying once or twice more. Moving on to the early years of the last century, so many men killed in the First World War, their widows living on. How many of our ancestors remained married to the same person for 'life'.....