Lack of Carer's courtesy while in your property

It is really hard getting used to have carers coming in taking over your home. I had them for 10 years too like a previous poster, but I always insisted on being one half of the double up so they worked to me always. My husband would set the pace and I would give the instructions. I knew my husband better than they did and so do you. Some objected thinking I was not trained, but I was better trained than they were having been trained during 6 months at the hospital my husband was in for longer than I care to remember, to prepare me for having my husband home.
You say it is Marie Curie, which to me sounds like it is end of life free care is that correct? if it is, that is why your timings are different. If you are paying for this and it is just a normal domiciliary agency then you need to speak up. You should have a written care plan, which should have been done when they assessed your husband at home. They should log in and out on their phones and complete the daily care plan on their phones too. This is what they are doing in their cars. If you made/offered them a cuppa and they sat down having one with your and your husband they could do it in the house. You need to make friends with the carers not to resent them, they are caring for your beloved husband which it sounds like you are sadly not able to do yourself. any longer and good on you for realising when it became too much. Easy to get burned out for sure. Could you be part of a double up? If you play this right they will become your friends, I still see one of my favourite carers now privately for a cuppa and lots of them in town. They always stop to speak.
You have written the answer yourself treat them like friends visiting, but remember you are in charge at all times whilst they are there. It is your husband, your home and if you are paying you are definitely calling the tune. Good luck

regardless of the time they spend what time are they actually booked in for ie half hour or one hour?
is it laid down properly what they are supposed to do?
you should contact the agency it might be worth emailing them detailing what you are not happy with ie the bed making, the amount of time they spend, the using toilet without asking etc.

Why not copy and post your thread to the agency? (Perhaps deleting the bit about them using your bathroom to relieve themselves).
It states your worries clearly without sounding aggressive and should make it clear to the agency just what's worrying you, and you obviously are worried.

M0nica

butterandjam

* But what really upsets me, and perhaps I am being a little petty about it, that they all seem to want to use the bathroom for themselves before they leave (male & female) without ever having the courtesy to ask if I would mind first. *

They have just used your bathroom in the course of caring for your husband.

Of course , before leaving they must use the bathroom again "for themselves" to wash their hands; essential hygiene. I'd be shocked if they did not.

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But surely they would be wearing disposable gloves.

There should be a written contract specifying exactly what services they will provide and over what period of time. They should not be allowed to use their phones while on your premises unless in an emergency.

If there is not a written contract demand (not ask) demand one and then make sure it is fulfilled to the letter.

Even if you use gloves, you still need to wash your hands afterwards. They do need to write up notes which are always on the phone, other than that they shouldn’t be using them. Depending on the arrangement you have you should be only paying for the time they’re there. There’s probably a minimum time but that depends on your contract.

www.mariecurie.org.uk/services/hospice-care-at-home is this what happened before they started OP

My mum used to complain to me about the use of her bathroom by her carers too, but generally tolerated it. I pointed out to her that of course they would need to use the bathroom at times during their working day, and it would be unreasonable of her to deny them that right - they could not be expected to return to the office every time.

But the same couldnt be said when carers working for the same company started popping into her house (without knocking, which was another bug-bear) when they knew Mum's carers were there, just to use her bathroom!

It's hit and miss I think. Carers came to help my mum for about 2 yrs, they once made the bed and when i checked later I found it was all soaking wet with urine, even the duvet - not happy. Some were lovely and some were worse than useless. One young man just stood there looking at my naked mother while the female carer washed her. I told him to sit down whileI helped her and told him not to come here again. I couldn't cope on my own anymore otherwise I wouldn't have had all these different people walking in and out of my home. Having said that, thank goodness for them in desperate times.

Re the minimum 30 min calls. If a carer is efficency and knows exactly what is needed they probably can achieve what is required in less time. Would you rather they just hung around until the 30 mins were up.
Yes using your bathroom may be an irritant to you but needs must and I would expect them to ask before doing so.
As for sitting outside in the car they are probably writing up notes or checking where the next visit is. They may have texts from manager about
changes to their rota.
Life doesn't always go how we want it to
sadly, but just think what would you do if they didn't come to help.

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