I'm Not a Carer But Feel I'm Being Turned Into One.

I have an elderly Mother in law of sound mind who will not acknowledge that she needs any care. I spoke to a lovely person at Age Concern who told me that anyone can make an anonymous call to social services if they are concerned about someone's welfare. I absolutely agree with everything else people have said about you not taking in any form of caring responsibility. But if your neighbour and the family don't put something in place and you think your neighbour is being neglected, you can let social services know anonymously. A financial assessment will be made and care needs decided.

Tell her family to stick it where the sun don't shine.

Call the Social Services.

Politely and gently but firmly decline their kind offer! Even if they plan to pay you. They need to set up their own 'family rota' if they are local and get professional help if not. If you want to be kind you could offer occasional, limited help, by arrangement. As someone said, it's all fine till something goes wrong and then it's not.

Tell them that you do not want to be a carer. Remind them what they said abput orivate care being expensive and you are not prepared to be a skivvy AT ALL . Just because you are retired it doesn't mean you don't have life of your own. Ok pop in once a week but no more under any circumstances, she's not your responsibility.

Please, please do not let this very selfish family take advantage of you! It’s all very well being kind and neighbourly, and I am all for us looking out and caring about each others welfare, but there are limits which I think they are quite expecting you to exceed! She is THEIR responsibility, not yours! The most you should offer is to have their phone number for emergency contact, and make sure you use it!

“Keeping an eye on” is what most of us would happily do for a vulnerable neighbour, however, moving and handling to a safe place is a job for professionals.
You are putting yourself and this lady at risk of physical injury. You need to make it quite clear to her family that you are in no way responsible for your neighbours wellbeing or safety.

Tell the Daughter that due to your own health needs there is no way that you can take on this responsibility. Be firm but polite saying that you have to prioritise your own needs first. I would also suggest to the Daughter that whilst she is visiting her Mother she can also keep an eye on you. Does the Daughter live a distance away? If so then she needs to ensure that appropriate care is in place with someone who is professionally trained to do this.

Windmill, a big no no from me, whether you're retired or not , she's not your responsibility, and I agree with MOnica, social services should be involved, caring for someone....and it looks as if that's what her family want from you....is a big responsibility, and takes over your life. and as for lifting her if she falls, nurses are trained how to do that , you could hurt yourself, please don't.

Next time she falls and you are aware, just ring 999. Paramedics are onlyntoo used to rescue missions like this.

If this lady needs help, it is up to her family to provide it themselves or buy it in. If she does not have the means to pay for help, then Social Services should be involved.

In fact Social Services should be involved already to make an assessment and advise what support she needs.

Look up the number of Social Services, write it on a piece of paper and next time they ask tell them that they should contact social services and give them the paper with their phone number on.

If this person isn't receiving the care and supervision she needs from whatever source then it becomes a safeguarding issue.

You should bring this to the attention of the family in a non-threatening way and maybe ring adult social services yourself to get some advice.

Watching out for a neighbour and even holding a key for emergencies is one thing, but as others have said, you also need to protect yourself.

Age UK may also provide you with info in this regard,

What an absolute cheek! They are trying to take advantage of you. Say no and say it firmly. This lady is their responsibility, not yours.

Whatever else you agree to do or not, there is no way you should do any manual handling. You must look after your own body, not risk injuring your back!

windmill1 I'm so sorry you're being put upon by this neighbour's daughter.
Like everyone else says do not get coerced into becoming a free carer for this poor lady. It's not safe or fair for either you or her.

If she's been discharged from hospital recently and needs care she should be getting that free for six weeks, that would have been arranged before she came home.
After that yes she'll have to pay, but the lady herself will have a financial assessment as to how much.

If she is a friend of yours then the most you should be expected to do is to visit and have a cup of tea and a chat with her, but only if that suits you.

Agree with all above.

She needs an alarm pendant, and you need to be firm about what you are able to do. You certainly should not be lifting her about!

What a cheek, just say it is not possible as you have your own health issues.
The other lady needs a proper care package

You must say 'no'. Believe me, once you start doing things for people, there is no end to it. Besides, if something serious happens to this lady, you might be held responsible.

Whilst it’s a nice and neighbourly thing to look out for one another, it’s a totally different thing to take on the role of carer as her family expect you to.

She is not your responsibility and you must be assertive and tell her family that fact.

You might agree to have their phone numbers so you can contact them in an emergency but daily personal care should be provided by a proper care package and that comes at a price. Seemingly they’re worried that cost will eat into their inheritance.

And please, do not, try to move her or lift her when she collapses……..you might injure yourself and cause more injury to her.

Have you told them no? I think you need to be clear and maybe blunt.