Removing husband from care home ?

Quite how that is supposed to help people struggling to look after their loved ones with Dementia, I don’t know, margiebrty3.

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Without a PPA or management, removing a spouse from a nursing home can be a complex process. You should seek legal advice or a social worker for specific information about your rights and options. It is definitely worth discussing your situation with the nursing home and expressing your concerns and requirements for your husband's care.

Whiff, you should be proud of yourself for your intelligent care of your mother. I do hope that other carers like yourself can be informed of all these bits of equipment, and expertise such as yours .

Whiff

When I was looking after my mom who had dementia and cancer . I had a pressure mattress for her bed ,a bed bar which I padded with pillows so she wouldn't knock herself and blow up bootes so her feet and heels where protected . I turned mom often and looked after her skin and where it went paper thin put a dry dressing on so it didn't tear. I am proud of the fact mom didn't have a sore on her body . The district nurses and nursing staff at the hospital where always surprised. Mom lived with me for the last 18 months of her life when dementia made her violent last 4 months I couldn't put her into a home . Even though I got attacked multiple times a day.
It wasn't until after mom died I realised how much it cost me healthwise. But if I had the time over I would still have mom to live with me.

I knew I could look after her better than any home. But especially if it's your husband it can be harder to cope with . Mom was about 6st and 4' 8". Even though the dementia made her very strong it would have been 100 times harder with a man.

You were very lucky you had room at your house to take care of your Mum Whiff. I looked after my Mum in her own home for 14 years and spending weekends at mine but when it became unsafe I found a lovely home for her where she was very happy.

Her care was first class and in 3 years she never got a bedsore either. She had a special mattress and every aid to keep her comfortable. I could not have looked after her as well as they did and I went in every other day and spent hours with her so for us, that was the right decision.

When I was looking after my mom who had dementia and cancer . I had a pressure mattress for her bed ,a bed bar which I padded with pillows so she wouldn't knock herself and blow up bootes so her feet and heels where protected . I turned mom often and looked after her skin and where it went paper thin put a dry dressing on so it didn't tear. I am proud of the fact mom didn't have a sore on her body . The district nurses and nursing staff at the hospital where always surprised. Mom lived with me for the last 18 months of her life when dementia made her violent last 4 months I couldn't put her into a home . Even though I got attacked multiple times a day.
It wasn't until after mom died I realised how much it cost me healthwise. But if I had the time over I would still have mom to live with me.

I knew I could look after her better than any home. But especially if it's your husband it can be harder to cope with . Mom was about 6st and 4' 8". Even though the dementia made her very strong it would have been 100 times harder with a man.

I wasn’t incontinent but wasnt moving much post operation, in bed, and my heels became pink and sore surprisingly quickly.

PS. notjustaprettyface, Maybe a good idea to inspect your husband's skin especially over the pressure areas, if you have any qualms about the care they are giving him.
He may be past the stage of benefitting from getting up to sit in a chair , but it's always important that he does not get bed sores, which can also be caused by sitting immobile in a chair for hours on end.
I hope you don't mind all this advice , and you may already know all this. But I spent a long
part of my life looking after patients, and I thought you would rather know than not. I am really old, but these basic bedside nursing techniques don't change,



++++++++

Bed sores are caused by

1. lack of blood supply to the skin when the patient is not moved into different position in bed so her blood can flow through her skin.

2. Breakdown of skin because it's wet and burned with urine .

An immobile patient needs to be turned at frequent intervals ideally every fifteen minutes to allow constant blood supply to all areas of skin where there is pressure. These areas are base of spine, over the sitting bones in the buttocks, heels, and elbows. A thin patient may have other pressure areas in addition e.g. shoulders and crests of the hips.

Patient should be dry at all times especially where there is also pressure on the area.

Modern incontinence pads are good for absorbing quite a lot of urine before the urine leaks out of them on to the skin.

Bed sore may also be caused by patient being dragged across the undersheet, instead of carefully lifted or rolled. It's to hoped that all carers know basic nursing techniques for preventing bedsores.

My husbands cousin had her mum in a care home. Everytime she visited she would find mum still in bed. Although she was able to get her mum up, washed and dressed herself she was beginning to think the care home were not doing their job properly.

Eventually she spoke to the manager and found out that her mum would regularly sleep until late in the morning and become quite aggressive and agitated if she was coaxed to get up by the care home team. She would only acquiesce when her daughter asked her to get up.

Might your husband be behaving similarly?

Primrose53, I know several people who have applied for CHC and not been able to get it. One lady was in such a state with her condition (medical) where the only way she could communicate was with her eyes, had to fed through a PEG and was completely unable to move. She was turned down. The week before she died, they eventually agreed to assessing her but it was too late. In our area we have actually been told that my Mum won't get it until she is at death's door. I am in a group for people who are fighting for their loved ones to get it and you wouldn't believe the stories you hear. CHC was more freely given before COVID but now it is really difficult to get it in a lot of areas no matter what your age.

I am really pleased to read that Notjustaprettyface says her husband gets CHC. Just a reminder that this is not just for old people, young people can get it too.

Also, it doesn’t matter WHERE the care is provided to qualify for CHC funding. It could be in your own home, a relative’s home or a care facility then they should be eligible for funding as long as they meet the criteria and show a primary health need.

If I had my time again I would have got it for my Mum much earlier on. I would not listen to what nurses tell me because most of them know nothing about it. I believe my Mum should have got it a long time before she did but a nurse marked down all the scores and she had seen my Mum for about 5 minutes. No way would I put up with that now but at the time I was absolutely worn out after caring for Mum for about 14 years.

Someone said on here that people need to be on death’s door to get it. They don’t. I finally found a bit of fight left in me and got Fast Track CHC for my Mum for the last 4 months of her life but I had to tell the GP what it was as he had never heard of it!

Bedsores are serious and horrible to get rid of. I started one on my heel post surgery after only 36 hours.

Sympathies. He HAS to be found somewhere else or he'll have a bedsores problem to deal with besides everything else. Doesn't seem much of a 'care' home if they just leave him stuck in bed, day in and day out.

Could you lodge a complaint with the CQC?

I have added this to my to do list. Did you find it fairly straightforward Mt61 ?

Germanshepherdsmum, are you talking about being unable to remove people from a care home without a Power of Attorney or does it only people who haven't got one or under a DOLs which says that they can't be moved? As I understand it, the LPA allows me to act in mother's best interests and speak on her behalf. Isn't a DOL's limited to what the patient needs rather than an all encompassing document? I have no intention of moving my Mother anywhere but I thought I could if she was unhappy without recourse to anyone else...apart from family.

Gundy

I have not had time to read every entry here but I do want to support what GermanSheperdsMum said in an earlier post - (this is my take) - to live into our senior years and NOT have a Power of Attorney set up for yourself and spouse is rather irresponsible.

This posters situation is exactly the dilemma you may find yourself in without a POA, and it could be a heartbreaking situation as personal care and concern is taken out of your hands - wife or not - in certain situations.

I worked in a hospital for 20 years and saw this play out all the time. It’s traumatic for a spouse because sometimes it’s too late to implement one. Just too late…

Agree with this, just sorted ours out online, much cheaper than going through a solicitor

😊

Ah, I misread. Thanks

I think what Humpty is talking about is removing her mother from the home rather than taking her on outings.

That really surprises me Humpty, we used to take my mum out in the early years of her stay in a dementia nursing home. We even took her out when she was in a locked psychiatric ward.
I worked my last 2 years as a SW with the elderly and never heard of stopping anyone going anywhere. They are not prisoners and if friends or family want to take their relative out they can. Absolutely nothing to do with social workers.

Sorry if someone has already said this, but when I was looking at a care home for my mother, the manager told me that if she went there, we would not be allowed to take her away from the home - something I believe to do with social workers. In any case, as with OP, she had demtnia and was no longer able to be looked after at home.

icanhandthemback

Casdon

Germanshepherdsmum

Oh Caleo, you will make the OP feel terribly guilty by saying that. Looking after someone with dementia and delirium, even with carers visiting, is a huge and exhausting undertaking, especially if you are older as I expect the OP is. I sincerely hope she isn’t guilt-tripped into having her husband back home at the expense of her own wellbeing.

I agree, Continuing Healthcare funding, which icanhandthemback has confirmed her husband receives, is only available for the most dependent of patients, who need trained nursing care input on a very regular basis. As he is also immobile despite physiotherapy he would be very difficult indeed to look after at home, even if full time carers and nursing input was available, which would be a challenge to set up and maintain, leaving her potentially without support on some occasions. I think it’s really important to be realistic about what is possible, and to try to make sure the current care is improved whilst exploring other options.

My husband doesn't receive CHC, Casdon, wrong person! . However, the fact that the husband of Notjustaprettyface does receive it shows just how compromised his health is. I can assure everybody that most people have to fight tooth and nail to get it and you virtually have to be at death's door in most areas. It is probably also the reason he has been put into a care home which is not dedicated to Dementia Care as they are usually more expensive and the CHC, Social Worker, NHS, etc are aware of that and will almost always go for the cheapest option even if it doesn't meet all the needs. It is scandalous.

Sorry both, and I agree with what you say icanhandthemback. Unfortunately it’s probably quite a rare nursing home that has the staffing levels and skills to meet the needs of people with multiple issues related to both physical and mental health or dementia, which is why the best thing is to speak with the CHC manager who placed, and who will know what alternative homes in the area can offer.

Casdon

Germanshepherdsmum

Oh Caleo, you will make the OP feel terribly guilty by saying that. Looking after someone with dementia and delirium, even with carers visiting, is a huge and exhausting undertaking, especially if you are older as I expect the OP is. I sincerely hope she isn’t guilt-tripped into having her husband back home at the expense of her own wellbeing.

I agree, Continuing Healthcare funding, which icanhandthemback has confirmed her husband receives, is only available for the most dependent of patients, who need trained nursing care input on a very regular basis. As he is also immobile despite physiotherapy he would be very difficult indeed to look after at home, even if full time carers and nursing input was available, which would be a challenge to set up and maintain, leaving her potentially without support on some occasions. I think it’s really important to be realistic about what is possible, and to try to make sure the current care is improved whilst exploring other options.

My husband doesn't receive CHC, Casdon, wrong person! . However, the fact that the husband of Notjustaprettyface does receive it shows just how compromised his health is. I can assure everybody that most people have to fight tooth and nail to get it and you virtually have to be at death's door in most areas. It is probably also the reason he has been put into a care home which is not dedicated to Dementia Care as they are usually more expensive and the CHC, Social Worker, NHS, etc are aware of that and will almost always go for the cheapest option even if it doesn't meet all the needs. It is scandalous.

Forgot to say my dad has Alzheimer’s. Yes you probably have to have help in place, S/S should help with that. Think it’s too late for you to get POA