What arrangements should we put in place for old age

When we moved to our bungalow 7 yrs ago ( I was 68) but it wasn’t planned ( too young to plan ?)
As it turned out it could not be better for when we do get old. Providing I can still walk when I get to that old age we can walk to 2 doctors surgery’s, my dentist, 2 opticians, 2 supermarkets, a library, a small gym with a pool.
And the sea front.
I live in a wonderful close where we all care for one another.
I don’t know what to expect from the children as we’re still at the stage where we do stuff for them.

Everyone sounds have Powers of Attorney in place.

Meryl ? yes, we are still at that stage too, with no sign of things ever changing.

Beyond what kittylester says, I am not sure what you can do. Nobody knowa in advance what will happen in extreme old age.

My mother died in her sleep, while on holiday recovering from a particulalry busy period in her social life. She was 85. DF was running the village until his death after a short illness at 92. On the other hand another two elderly relatives spent a considerable period in a care home. My parents had 'down-sized' to a large bungalow, the others lived in houses they had lived in for years.

In the end it didn't really make a lot of difference.

I think the main thing is to maintain an open state of mind, being prepared to accept the changes mental and physical that may overcome you and to accept the changes in your life that may be necessary.

It is also massively important to talk to your family about what you want, 'in case of ...', things like DNR, organ donation, life-support machines, etc. Also to adapt accommodation, if one does not want to move, to be suitable for being cared for- like shower with good access and WC downstairs.

I do not want my children or OH to have to care for me beyond a certain stage, and I do not want them to spoil their life to look after my needs, and certainly never want them to have to 'toilet' me, etc. But I do not want to go to a Care Home. So adaptations have to be made well in advance, honest discussions too. And even discuss assisted death, and in which conditions, to protect relatives (eg join an association abroad, Belgium, Holland, Switzerland and make practical plans, just in case). If I am ever diagnosed with Alzheimers, time to act would be very short, so everything has to be well planned in advance).

We have completed powers of attorney and recently moved from having our own bank accounts to making them joint. OH does most of the financial planning because basically I'm idle but I know how to access the information I need to deal with our finances if God forbid he goes before me. We've talked about what we would wish should we have a catastrophic stroke or injury etc and our daughter, who is a doctor also knows. OH is keen to downsize but I love our house and actually should one of us become disabled in some way, we have a downstairs bedroom and bathroom should that be needed.
tbh It's difficult to cover all bases but we talk very frankly about the future and how our needs might change, not just with each other but also with our daughter.

should add our powers of attorney have not been activated!

We have POA’s in place and advanced decisions (living wills). Having seen my Mum in care, then nursing care homes for over ten years, with vascular dementia, the living will is particular important to me as it states not to repeatedly give me antibiotics from a certain point if I too have dementia. Our house has a downstairs toilet and could easily accommodate a stairlift. We have local shops, doctors etc and a hospital 6 miles away, with very good local friends and both children, for now, wishing a few miles.

Within a few miles!

One thing I would suggest is decluttering (while you have the strength and energy). so your offspring aren’t left with a house full of “stuff”, I think that would be very unfair.

Although I'm in my early sixties, I have downsized to a bungalow already. I have ruthlessly decluttered and got rid of lots of stuff. Now, I keep an eye on it so I only keep what I will use. I'm in walking distance to a supermarket, doctor, train station etc. I have poa ready and my will is written. I'm planning to sort out funeral arrangements so my children don't have to. They already know I want cremated. I've done what I can so far.

I have told my children to just take all the valuable things then get a house clearance in but I am trying to get rid of some things I don't use to the charity shops.
I don't want my children to look after me and have saved so that I may be able to manage with some paid help if I need it.

Joint accounts are not necessarily the best thing foxie. Joint current accounts are good but joint savings accounts might not be.

If you had £100k in joint savings and one of you needed care, the 100k would be allocated equally 50/50. And care payments would be assessed on that amount (50k) If the care costs are (say) £20k pa. at the end of year 1 joint saving are reduced to £80k again split 50/50 ie £40k each. And so on - thus depleting the assets of both parties rather than just the one needing care.

By the same token, houses should be held as Tenants in Common rather than Jointly.

I had great difficulty with my father's finances as he had hidden money round the house and would not tell me any pin numbers.I eventually got him to the bank where they discussed how I could share his account. The meeting was to prove he was of sound mind. He was quite deaf and at the end the manager asked if he was happy to sign and agreed to the arrangements.He said I've no idea what you are talking about but I can sign if you want.Luckily she said nothing!

I had a 3rd party mandate for my mum kircubbin and managed her accounts on line.

kittylester that’s really helpful and informative advice you’ve given about joint finances thank you.

Such a pity PippaZ’s appeal to GNHQ last week fell on deaf ears despite all those in favour of having a Benefits advice forum. So much helpful advice could be there for anyone who needs it.

Cali2 my mum always said she would never expect my sister or myself to care for her & she would go into a home . My dad passed away just as my mum was diagnosed with Parkinson’s & dementia. I lived 500 miles away but visited her every 8 weeks , my sister 60miles away ( no other comment from me ) she couldn’t cope , stopped eating , stayed in bed all day / night. I had a call from her friend who said they had been helping her between them but it was too much as they were not getting any younger . Mum refused to go into a home & when I reminded her what she had said she said she never said it & could she come to live with me & my husband. We converted our garage which was joined to our house into a en-suite bedroom for her & she lived with us for nearly a year before she passed away . It was the toughest year of my life because I still worked full time but because I worked from home I was able to still care for mum . I am glad I did it but when I look back , my mum & dad rarely ever helped me with my 3 children when I lived near them because they said they looked after me & my siblings with no grandparents helping them so they let us get in with it because they wanted to enjoy their life . People can get very selfish as they get older so having something in place for old age I would consider very important because we do know what’s round the corner for us . Sorry for the long post

Foxie and anyone else cnsidering having joint accounts, just don't.

We had endless problems with elderly relatives who had each done POAs, but chose their own individual appointees. Because their accounts were all joint and they didn't have appointees in common every cheque had to be double signed. The idea had been that as I lived closest to them I would deal with everyday matters and paying for care, they were in a care home and would write and sign the cheques, but because of the way the POAs were set up every cheque had to be signed by an appointee for each of them and because both had different appointees, every cheque I wrote had to be sent to one of the two appointees for the person who hadn't named me as an appointee and cheques were flying here there and everywhere. it was a nightmare.

grannynannywanny glad it made sense. I usually do it on a board with arrows all over the place.

GrannyTracey- I totally agree with you.

My outlook is different because I now live in a country where the choice will be mine. I am very lucky to have the choice. I am a strong supporter of 'Dying with Dignity'.

You have my respect and admiration for what you did for your parents- although exhausting, I hope you have no regrets.

Kali2
No regrets at all, it added some lovely times to my precious memories I have of my mum & gave me quality time with her that I would never have had

We made the huge decision to move to look after my very elderly parents. It was a difficult decision- but also no regrets, although it did not work out as expected. (we were tricked by a fraudster with the house sale, and it took longer than expected- poor mum died 3 weeks before our move- and dad, 3 months later of a broken heart. But it does mean the choice will be ours, if and when. Our adult children are totally aware and have come to agree).

Perhaps for another thread, and this has been discussed before, but I truly believe everyone in the UK should have the choice to decide how and when to end their life- when faced with debilitating and painfull illness, terminal conditions and intolerable pain or loss of dignity.

Kali2

Perhaps for another thread, and this has been discussed before, but I truly believe everyone in the UK should have the choice to decide how and when to end their life- when faced with debilitating and painfull illness, terminal conditions and intolerable pain or loss of dignity.

Woukd that read just as well without “in the U.K.” ?