Mums confusion

This is happening with a dear friend of mine. She had an appointment at a memory clinic in April, but of course that went down the pan. She now never rings me as she used to do but I call her regularly and she does repeat herself many times during the conversation. She has also said that she's not right, so bells are ringing there. The last time we met before the lockdown her daughter dropped her over to me for lunch and she arrived in tears (she couldn't say why, just that she felt so confused). An afternoon spent with good food and conversation seemed to put her back on an even keel, but now on the phone she keeps asking me to go to hers even though I explain time and again that I can't do that because of the lockdown. This thread has prompted me to get in touch with her daughter, so thanks.

BTW this thread is GN at its best ... helping others without criticism, and no horrible judgemental posts. I was thinking of quitting because there do seem to be a lot of nasty comments and replies to some people but I absolutely love it when GN provides just this kind of help.

My father had sudden confusion and hallucinations, we thought UTI. He couldn’t remember how to turn the tv on or how to adjust the sound. Urine test came back fine. He was having chemo (tablets) at the time following bowel cancer surgery and it was only 6 months later when he had a scan to check on his cancer and they decided to scan his head to look for a reason for the confusion that they found he’d had a stroke. There had been no paralysis at all. This was over 5 years ago he has improved but certainly not back to what he was. They said the chemo increases your risk of strokes, so we’ll never know if that was the cause. He has had the 5 year discharge from cancer though. If you mum has a scan that will pick up a stroke. Good luck

Esmerelda well said about GN at its best. I love this site when it’s working as it should, like now with this post.Other times I’m amazed how it can turn and think it’s sad how some people can be. Hope you find the support you need Kate for your family.

Rilla. I don’t have POA we have a joint bank account so that’s not a problem but I understand I do need to have a conversation about this, the trouble is as I understand it it needs to be done by a solicitor and she wouldn’t want to pay I would need to pay. How expensive is it ?

I think lockdown has made things worse. 8 months ago my husband was diagnosed with Cognitive Decline, and it has definitely worsened these past three months, as has my mother’s Dementia.Difficult times Katyj,

Esmerelda. Your so right everyone has been so kind and helpful. I hope your friend receives the help she needs, it’s so distressing seeing someone you care for so unhappy their brought to tears. Lockdown isn’t helping one little bit.

I think isolation may be contributing to her symptoms but she needs to be seen by a GP and have another memory test. Don't let the GP surgery fob you off. She may be a danger to herself if her memory is going...she could leave cooking on and it burns etc.

Power of Attorney can be done on line without resorting to a solicitor. They are, apparently, fairly easy to do and you can contact the Office of The Public Guardian for help and advice. There are two POAs - Health and Well Being and the Financial one and they are, I think, about £80 each but considerably more if done by a solicitor.

It is well worthwhile doing while your mum still has capacity.

Urine testing is the first priority. Your mother should also get her ears checked as the balance problem may be explained by ear trouble. I think isolation, in itself, may exaggerate any memory trouble she has.

katyj please try the UTI route first - a lovely elderly lady of my acquaintance became forgetful, nervy and demonstrated such confusion that her DiL wept and told me she would rather she died than suffer the coming indignity; she turned out to have a UTI and with a few days of treatment she was her old self. We truly could not believe it. I don't know why the elderly have such a reaction, but I have heard since of several similar cases. I hope she recovers soon. x

My Mum said all kinds of silly things when she was 90. My brother had a friend who was a geriatric nurse who say it. It was it happened a couple of times after that.

Said it was a UTI.

I have had two elderly relatives who both showed signs of dementia but it was diagnosed as overuse of paracetamol. They were very confused and once we cut down the painkillers they returned to their usual selves, bright and alert and by regulating their use we didn’t have any further problems.

KatyJ - please get on the ball with the POA. It’s much better to do it sooner rather than later. The Court of Protection can’t make anything like the level of person-centred, sensitive and timely decision making that caring relatives who know the person needing care can.

My husband was diagnosed with Alzheimer's after a memory test at GPs and further tests at memory clinic.We were advised to claim attendance allowance and council tax rebate.He had a blocked artery and after seven weeks in hospital came home and died two days later.His Alzheimer's had deteriorated quite quickly. The attendance allowance was approved the day after he came home and was backdated to the date of diagnosis.It paid half of the funeral costs.
It may seem strange but I am so pleased he died before this pandemic started. He would have found it so so difficult with carers and the family would not have been able to visit.
I hope you get a diagnosis soon.The Alzheimer's society were very helpful and have lots of informative leaflets.Try to take as much advice as you need.

Katy J : Please get a Power of Attorney set up as soon as possible, and preferably for each of you but I would strongly advise doing this through a Solicitor as there are two kinds. We set our's years before there was any thought of one of us needing care. We named each other as attorney plus our daughter as joint attorney in each case, to protect against the possibility of either of us becoming incapable of dealing with our affairs.

Perhaps most important, a P/A does deal with much more than finances, in particular decisions about medical issues, including care. Please make an appointment with your solicitor asap.

I forgot to add that my husband had Alzheimers for five years,and having the P/A made living through that dreadful time easier for me, with everything under my control so no problems about any decisions to be made.

If it does turn out to be dementia, then ditto to getting a Power of Attorney put in place ASAP, for both finances and health and welfare. Can save an enormous amount of hassle and expense later.

Might add that someone who is normally perfectly reasonable can become exceedingly suspicious as dementia takes hold - in the case of a P of A, thinking that you only want to do it so that you can get your nasty grasping hands on their money.

My mother was one such. Even though she had very sensibly set up the (old-style) P of A well before any signs of dementia, getting her to agree to activate it once she was no longer remotely capable of managing her money (a large sum had already vanished) was a major problem.

What a shame. A UTI can bring on strange ideas but when brought under control there should be an improvement. Sadly My late MIL got these quite a bit as she refused to drink enough - getting up from her chair was a bit of a faff so she wanted to avoid it. It seemed perfectly logical to her - don't drink so you won't need the loo and you don't need to get up. A vicious circle.

Apparently not being able to do the things you used to be able to do can be a sign of dementia. MIL forgot how to use the washing machine so DIL went round each week to press the right button.

Strange ideas became the norm. As she didn't want to admit she couldn't remember or didn't know something she'd make up a story. She was a very proud lady who needed help but didn't want help so it needed diplomacy.
Best wishes to you OP, it can be a long haul.

Both the Power of Attorney documents are easy to do yourself if you do it carefully. They can be done without cost if your Mum is on certain means tested benefits.

My Mum was too far down the Alzheimer’s path when Dad and I asked about setting them up for her and all the financial decisions were a nightmare. Banks etc will not let anyone have access to accounts without proof it is in place. Even energy suppliers need proof.

Dad has been diagnosed with Parkinson’s and we set up both when he was diagnosed. He now lives in a care facility and I manage everything for him. It’s made things so much easier. It’s a difficult conversation to have with your loved one but please go ahead and have it.

My mum was similar with UTI too...

Don't let changes in brain be put down simply to old age. My sister was told this when she first started having memory issues but was recently diagnosed with a rare form of Alzheimers after I insisted she had dementia. She is only 65 years old. Your mum needs full blood works. If you can persuade her to tap her feet alternately on the floor 20 times before she gets up, it will help push her BP up. I know it will be a tall order for someone with memory issues. My 89 year old mum does it out of habit now before standing, calling it " Doing my numbers".

Could she be suffering from dehydration? That can cause confusion

She should be tested for a urinary infection AND Depression. Depression sometimes creates confusion. But your best bet is taking her to a neurologist.

I have recently completed the POA forms online for my Mum, myself and my husband.

Its a bit complicated but the guidance notes are very helpful at each stage and easy to follow. You don't have to do it all at once you can just save it and go back to it whenever you're ready. My Mum's were free as she is on DLA, mine and OH's were £82 each - a fraction of what a solicitor would charge.

You have to do it step by step as you need to get separate sections signed and witnessed by other attorneys (if appropriate) and certified by an independant person (her GP can do this but they will charge for it - mine wanted £75 for each POA).

Its been invaluable already as my Mum is hard of hearing so I can deal with utility suppliers, phone & internet providers etc on her behalf.