Loss of friends

I'm so sorry for the losses posted here and send sympathy and fellow feelings. The death of my DH was and still is the worst possible for me, but I do identify with grief over the loss of friends.

One of the things I noticed when 2 of my long-time close women friends died (one my bridesmaid) was that in each case their only daughters didn't understand how close we had been and how much I knew about their mothers, their mothers' families, their loves, lives, thoughts and every-day existence.

I didn't expect the daughters to especially think of me and keep in touch. Different generations. But suddenly there was no connection at all - nothing after the funeral. I completely understand. They were grieving and they had no reason to keep in touch with their mother's best friend. However, it felt a huge cut-off. I bear this in mind now in parallel circumstances.

I think such loss of dear friends in later life can send us on a downhill spiral. Often our social circle has decreased and.we are deeply missing their company and companionship. Both my sister and brother have died, my sister more recently. I don't know if I grieved enough at the time. Then my 2 best friends haven't died, but one moved back to her homeland in Scandinavia and the other one developed dementia. I cared for her for a couple of years but she is now in a care home. Both felt like a bereavement. A different loss but devastating to me as they were both very dear to me. They still are but without the usual day to day interaction it still hurts very much.

In the first 6 months of this year I have lost 3 friends, 2 aunts and a cousin. The grief I feel at times is overwhelming.

NannieChicken

In the first 6 months of this year I have lost 3 friends, 2 aunts and a cousin. The grief I feel at times is overwhelming.

Feeling overwhelmed by the grief of all these losses is not surprising - do you have anyone you can share your feelings with?

Indiebee

I'm so sorry for the losses posted here and send sympathy and fellow feelings. The death of my DH was and still is the worst possible for me, but I do identify with grief over the loss of friends.

One of the things I noticed when 2 of my long-time close women friends died (one my bridesmaid) was that in each case their only daughters didn't understand how close we had been and how much I knew about their mothers, their mothers' families, their loves, lives, thoughts and every-day existence.

I didn't expect the daughters to especially think of me and keep in touch. Different generations. But suddenly there was no connection at all - nothing after the funeral. I completely understand. They were grieving and they had no reason to keep in touch with their mother's best friend. However, it felt a huge cut-off. I bear this in mind now in parallel circumstances.

I was interested to read your post which resonated with me, especially now I am 70. My mother had a life time friend from the 1920s, I in turn became friends with her daughter, who died too young, the granddaughter is someone I would have liked to have stayed in touch with as I knew so much about the women in her family line. I had met the great grandmother and grandfather and knew this young girl's mother so well. So much is lost but she is a busy working mum and wife. I only hope one day she does not want to ask questions that can no longer be answered. Such is life.

SpinDriftCoastal could you write down your memories and send them to the GD? It would be something she could read and keep...and something for you to keep as well. It may be a comfort to you to remember and write.

SpinDriftCoastal - thank you for sharing your experience.
PS. If you are on the coast, so am I and I love it for the beauty of the sea.

HelterSkelter1

SpinDriftCoastal could you write down your memories and send them to the GD? It would be something she could read and keep...and something for you to keep as well. It may be a comfort to you to remember and write.

That is a lovely idea and as memories come back I shall jot them down.

Indiebee

SpinDriftCoastal - thank you for sharing your experience.
PS. If you are on the coast, so am I and I love it for the beauty of the sea.

Yes, I love the coast and its wildness. I love it in the middle of the night when all is quiet and you can hear the roaring tide. And, in the summer when all the coastal wild flowers come out.

I feel your pain. I am a similar age. Last year I lost 3 people. Two were close friends from schools, and one was a close relative. It is very sad, and it was very shocking, and upsetting. We never know when we will go. Nothing is guaranteed in life is it? A reminder for sure to "seize the day." I miss them. It has made me more phililosophical.