Bereavement counselling

I had some, and i can't say it made much difference to how i felt, and still, to this day feel.
Of course, i want my loved one back, and all the talking in the world won't change that, in my case.

That's just my take on it, though.

It all depends on the counsellor some are better than others, it’s not necessarily going to make you feel better, but hopefully it may put things into perspective and show you a way forward to continue living, albeit very differently
Grieving won’t go away by talking about it, but it’s much healthier than keeping it all bottled up inside.

BlueBelle

It all depends on the counsellor some are better than others, it’s not necessarily going to make you feel better, but hopefully it may put things into perspective and show you a way forward to continue living, albeit very differently
Grieving won’t go away by talking about it, but it’s much healthier than keeping it all bottled up inside.

I'm with BlueBelle. I have had bereavement counselling, I don't think anything is ever going to make you feel better but it did give me an outlet to talk which in itself was a bit of a release.

I had EMDR therapy and i found that more helpful.
I don't know how or why, because it seemed like a lot of hocus pocus to me, but i felt better after.

I've had it ...two lots of it. It made me feel worse going over the loss of my child again. Brought it all back. Horrible

I lost my husband of 57 years just 12 weeks ago im falling apart cant sleep, eat and constantly crying. Have thought of counselling but it wont bring my wonderful husband back and i find it hard to talk about him without falling apart.

I'm not at all unsympathetic, but i find, with grief, the only way through it, is through it.
Its still such early days for you - i used to wish someone could knock me out, to get away from the pain for a while.
There is a beautifully sad thread on here, started by someone who is recently widowed too.

Perhaps the people who have posted on there can give advice, or you may find comfort by reading their words.

Thankyou. I too believe the only way is through it yet the days seem to be harder, and harder. Ive filled tge house with lots and lots of photos of him and his hobbies, ive started to write tge story of my life from meeting him. Ive got several photo albums im working on , desperately trying to keep him alive and here with me. We have been together since i was 17. Always held hands joined at the hip, did everything together, truly my soulmate. Now im alone its like half of me went with him and the other half is bobbing up and down in an ocean of grief. I dont think i will ever come back from this i love him so very very mucn.

I think in the beginning, there is numbness, then as time goes on , the depth of what you've lost settles in, and thats when the mourning, the grieving, starts.

I'm not widowed, it was my daughter who died, and it quite honestly hit me, reading the thread i mentioned, reading the depths of grief other people feel.
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Cruse is supposed to be very good for people who are widowed- it may be worth phoning them.

You have my sincere condolences for your loss.

I found it helpful in that I was able to tell the story of my loss (not husband) without interruption. It was a story that I’d never really told as nobody wanted to listen or could possibly understand. It was a relief to tell the story and to discuss the guilt I had carried with me for years.

Mysteyes11. I cannot help or live your grief, I can only send my deepest sympathy to you. Your pain must be immense - great grief is the price we pay for great love.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Thankyou so much for your kind words, he was my world .I loved him so deeply it feels like my heart as been ripped out of me and trampled on. Many. thanks for your condolences

I hope a lady here called whiff may come and speak to you.
She feels exactly the same as you do, except her husband died quite a way back
She is such a kind lady.

MysteryeyesII my situation is similar to yours. Met Dh when I was 16 and were together 57 years. We did everything together. Went everywhere together. Held hands always. Being together all the time was what we both wanted.

It will be two years next week since he died. How I got through those first few months I will never know. I screamed and wailed and cried myself silly (but only when I was on my own). I had to keep going for our family and so I kept a lot of what I was feeling to myself.

People told me it would get easier as time went on but I didn’t believe them as I couldn’t see how it would. Maybe for others but not for me. I wasn’t living I was just existing. I certainly didn’t want to live this life without him.

I made myself join things and meet people. I have made some wonderful friends who get me through and our lovely family always there. No one can help with the constant sadness, loss and loneliness. I think I will feel that forever. I miss him every second of the day and think of my darling man no matter what I’m doing he is always in my mind.

I can laugh, enjoy things and be interested in things again. It will get easier I promise you. The grief and pain will never stop I don’t think but you can live with those feelings.

As for counselling I had some and it did help although I agree with those who said it depends on the counsellor. If one doesn’t fit try another.

Two things I would suggest you try is researching “Continuing bonds in grief” which I found helpful though others might not. Also the Sue Ryder online bereavement forum where you will find many at the same stage of grief as you and the support you can give each other really helps.
Wishing you well

Thankyou for your advice, i will try continuing bonds in grief, as right now its like a living nightmare, i desperately want him back. A life well remembered lives on ,hence the reason all what im doing pictures etc. I could look at his pictures for hours i never get tired od them. I have larger wallmounted ones either side of ourbed so whichever way i lay i can see him smiling down on me, its a great comfort during the night as i dont sleep well. Many thanks for your advice .

Thank you all for your advice. My son died last year and I think it is now really sunk in.
MissAdventure I did read and comment on the lovely thread you mentioned.
Mistyeyes11 I am sorry for your very recent loss and sympathies to everyone else who is bereaved.

Many thanks for your sympathies very much appreciated. May I offer my condolences on your very sad loss.

My husband died in our local Hospice ten years ago and I was invited to join a bereavement group. I was very reluctant at first but it was marvellous - we were all at the same stage of grief so had proper understanding of each others' feelings. Five of us are still good friends - in fact one of our group is getting married next month and the rest of us are going to he wedding. Other people can tell you they know how you feel but my feelings of ten years ago aren't as relevant to someone who has just lost their partner or child as the feelings of someone at a similar stage of loss. I can heartily recommend a group rather than one to one as it helped me to feel less alone.

Nearly two years in, I see my grief in therapist weekly. It’s safe space to fall apart in tears or rant in sheer anger, somewhere to discuss my fears and hopes, failures and successes. I don’t have any family either on my side or my husbands left. Friends tell me I should be beyond grief etc etc.
So yes, for me therapy is a sanity saver and he’s helped me keep moving forward. It’s not for everyone as everyone and their circumstances are different and it might even take several ‘interviews’ with therapists before you find one that you feel comfortable with.
There’s no right or wrong way to deal with bereavement, it’s a very individual path to tread.

I work as a bereavement counsellor. People who tend to benefit most, often have something in the past that stops them moving through the grief process normally - an earlier unprocessed loss, or an ambivalent relationship with the deceased, perhaps. If it's been 6-9 months since your loss - more if the loss was of a child - and you're still frequently being overwhelmed, then counselling might be a great help.
We deal with bereavement so badly in this day and age - we expect to be "over" it far too soon. Our grandmothers would have worn black for at least a year, to signify a loss that is still tender. Sometimes the counselling room can feel the only place where it is appropriate to cry, as neighbours and friends have stopped asking how you are. Please be gentle with yourself, and do seek counselling if needs be.

At the time, I found it helpful. But looking back I really regret it. I didn't know what else to do. It was a thing that you did after losing someone, so I did it.
But I found it helped keep me in that sad, helpless, overwhelmed state by focussing on the loss. You will do that anyway, you need a signpost to the way forward.
I wish I had had a counsellor who pointed the ways forward, not one who encouraged me in diving deeper into the loss.

I don't regret it, but cousselors are there just to listen.
I think it depressed more, crying my eyes out every week, going over and over every detail of the worst thing that has ever happened to me.

I had bereavement counselling a few years ago, The thing I think was most helpful was being able to talk to a complete stranger, I know that seems a bit strange, but as I didn't know them it didn't matter if they judged me or not.

It does'nt change anything and it makes you feel worse keep going over it. But you never get over it.