Remembering my Mum

I'm remembering my mum who also died getting on for twenty years ago. She had dementia so I made a small donation the the Alzheimers society's Forget Me Not Appeal. If you donate they send you a forgetmenot badge to wear throughout May but I'm wearing mine now and will continue until it drops to bits.

I am going through a strange process of ageing and now realising how it must have felt for Mum. Of course it's too late now as she isn't here.
In contrast to many, it was a rocky relationship though.

My mother died 6 years ago this year (longevity runs in our family - she was 99).

Every anniversary of her birth and death my sister and I get together on Skype and drink a gin and tonic in her honour and reminisce. It may have been her love of a G&T that kept her going for so long, but it was always a family tradition

My mum died 5 years ago April 22. She died at the start of covid 1 month before her 100th birthday. We all still think she just gave up as we weren't allowed to see her in her care home, she was only there a few weeks.

Today my mum would be 111. She died 40 years ago. Seems like no time at all.

missdeke

My Mum left us in 1993. I still miss her. She was the best mother ever 💔

My mum died two days ago COPD and dementia took its toll. I’m now in that grief daze where you are running on adrenaline and shock trying to organise everything

So sorry Cookie

Sallyforth

Write the memories down for your children and grandchildren.

My nephew asked me to write about our childhood when my sister died three weeks ago. It was painful and I wept buckets. I wrote about what I remember about her birth, about her love of cats, and the things we got up to, what made us giggle. About what Christmas and New Year were like in our home; our favourite pastimes, and the books we loved, the time a boy threw her school bag from the bus window, just what came into my head and I wrote it all down. Five pages!

But the tears were tears of love for the incredible woman who was their mother and my 'little' sister. Your mothers were incredible too.

Just do it is my advice.

This is such good advice. I wish I could still remember the details of stories my mother and grandmother told me about their childhoods. They were born in 1918 and 1893, so it would be quite interesting to read. Time passes by so quickly – mom died in 2006 and grandmother in 1980.

My Mum died a few days before Christmas 2020 when we were in lockdown. She was nearly 97 and spent her last couple of years in a great care home where they all loved her. It became my second home as I was there every other day for many hours and prior to lockdown I took her out in the wheelchair or in my car.

She was very special and very kind to everyone. If a new baby was born in the village they received something hand knitted from her. Anybody poorly would get a bunch of flowers or some fresh scones. Widowers would get hand knitted socks or sausage rolls. If you visited us, you would not get out of our house until you had enjoyed a cup of tea in the best china and either homemade cake, scone or mince pie.

Mum never had much money but she was marvellous with her hands so could always conjure up a small gift for neighbours and friends.

Something happens and I go to ring her and realise she is no longer with us. I lose something in the house or garden and talk to her photo and ask St Anthony to guide me to it and it always works.

Lauren59

Sallyforth

Write the memories down for your children and grandchildren.

My nephew asked me to write about our childhood when my sister died three weeks ago. It was painful and I wept buckets. I wrote about what I remember about her birth, about her love of cats, and the things we got up to, what made us giggle. About what Christmas and New Year were like in our home; our favourite pastimes, and the books we loved, the time a boy threw her school bag from the bus window, just what came into my head and I wrote it all down. Five pages!

But the tears were tears of love for the incredible woman who was their mother and my 'little' sister. Your mothers were incredible too.

Just do it is my advice.

This is such good advice. I wish I could still remember the details of stories my mother and grandmother told me about their childhoods. They were born in 1918 and 1893, so it would be quite interesting to read. Time passes by so quickly – mom died in 2006 and grandmother in 1980.

I made notes of little stories Mum told me when she was first diagnosed with dementia. I then typed them up in a large font and put them in a folder which she kept by her bed.

There were tales of playing barefoot in rural Ireland in the summer with her seven siblings, of her father mending all their shoes in winter by the light of oil lamps, of her mother making beautiful dresses for people, of their pets, of their village school opposite their home and their mother standing at the landing window making sure they all went in safely.

As the dementia worsened she found great comfort in having her memories read to her by myself or the staff and they told me those pages were worth their weight in gold as when Mum got upset or tearful they just read to her and she calmed down and was her cheerful self again.

cookiemonster66

My mum died two days ago COPD and dementia took its toll. I’m now in that grief daze where you are running on adrenaline and shock trying to organise everything

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Don't forget there are lots of us here who will listen to you if and when you want to unload, or having a bad day.

My thoughts are with you.

Cookie thinking of you.

rowyn Sorry to read about your relationship with your mother. It's a powerful reminder of how our behaviour impacts our children's lives.

cookie so sorry for your loss, please accept my sincere condolences to you and your family.

Lauren59 Just start writing and it will all come flooding back. My mother died when my sister was 16, on my 21st birthday.

I'm 82 and once I started the memories just flooded into my mind.

WelshPoppy

My mum died 3 days before my 15th birthday, my dad 3 months after my 21st. I am an only child and still miss them every day. I'm now 67.

I truly empathise with you WelshPoppy; my mother died when I was 13, my father had died 8 years earlier when I was 5. I too am 67, although I do have one sibling, a brother, we’re in touch Christmas and birthdays.
I can’t say I miss my parents as I didn’t know them as people, but I miss the idea of them- it’s very hard to articulate.
Take care x

My wonderful Mother died almost 13 years ago, my lovely Dad 4 years ago and I lost my beloved older brother unexpectedly in February. I miss them all, but for those who say they miss talking to their loved ones, why stop? I still talk to Mum and Dad and no doubt will talk to my brother once the rawness of the grief has calmed. It does help, talk to your loved ones, hopefully they know x

So sorry Cookie

Oh WelshPoppy, I feel your sadness! My wonderful Mum died 21 years ago - I miss her every day. She was emotionally intelligent, caring , sensible and just amazing! I miss my Dad too who died way back in 76!
Mum was stoical after his death but gave an amazing example I will try to follow if I find myself in that situation. How lucky are we who have had such wonderful parents - Mum in particular! Not everyone is so fortunate. Thank you ferry for starting this thread.

I retired in 2013 to look after my Mum full time, she was 96 , she died the very next day 30th March. My brother died on 31st March 2016. They both had dementia and were very close. I felt like she was setting me free.

This is my mum and best friend, she died just 2 years ago age 97. I miss her every day, she was lovely, caring and had a great sense of humour. I still have moments when I shed a tear but I know we will meet again. My heart goes out to you ferry23 and all on this thread who are grieving.💐

Sorry Cookie💐
My Mum died just before Covid. I was always glad she didn’t have to suffer that.
We’d done a walk along a local pool the day before she was taken into hospital. Thank heavens for phone cameras.
My sisters and I celebrate her birthday on FaceTime every year.

Mother died in 1985, Dad 1981 so so long ago. Today marks day Daughter died 6 years ago Husband 3 years ago. I do not look forward to April each year even when remembering the good times with them all.