I thought this year would be easier.

Nobody asks about her for that same reason, Kathsue, they don't want to upset you (or see you upset). People crossed the road to avoid talking to me at all!

Ah he was only a baby really when his mum died - so he’s what now kathsue ... 17y? Maybe it’s a teenage thing plus embarrassment.

I’d tell him you’re going and then it’s up to him. Sadly (for you) you have more memory of your darling girl.

Beautiful Maw I’ve shared those words with a friend with whom I had lunch today. She is struggling after the death of her husband in spring.

Thank you Hetty. Another thing that is upsetting me is that my GS doesn't come with me to take flowers to the cemetery. He used to when he was little but the last couple of years he hasn't wanted to. He was only 4 when his mum died and he doesn't really remember much about her although I do try to keep her memory alive by telling him stories about her when the chance arises. I don't know whether to mention what day it is tomorrow to him or just leave it.

My sincerest sympathies kathsue
I still weep for my baby boy who lived for only 24 days 46 years ago and since my DH died two years ago, I weep alone. Nobody can share the loss of a child except the other parent whether that life was long or short - either way it is not what we expect to have to do, bury a child.
You are being entirely normal, let yourself grieve as the memories flood back

“To live in the hearts of those we leave behind is not to die”

Kathsue you have done well to have the strength to post when you've had a very difficult day. Don't stop posting. People care. Sending positive support and thoughts. Xx

Bless you kathsue your daughter sounded a lovely person. You must miss her terribly. I cannot even imagine what you must be suffering. I’m truly sorry for your loss and anguish. x

Don't forget about The Samaritans.

You are absolutely not feeling sorry for yourself. Is there somebody you can talk to?

Kathsue, you need to talk about her. Resisting to avoid upsetting others is an added strain, as is expecting yourself to 'do well'. I'd really like to know about her too.

The feelings don't disappear (why should they) but we become more used to them and find ways to cope a little better, that's all. Sending you love

Thank you all for your replies. Luckygirl that made me cry again, but in a better way. Nobody asks about her. She was very popular, always gave 110% into anything she was interested in. She could have done so much with her life but in the end her anxieties and mental illness led her to end it.

You're not feeling sorry for yourself, you're grieving kathsue.

You are doing well and for the last 13 years you've been doing well. Now you've posted here and and found a place to share, post again.

All we can do is listen, but sometimes that's all that someone needs.

I never knew your DD, but would love to hear about her.

I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm not sure it would ever get easier. Be kind to yourself and always know you can share on here. ?