What to put in Christmas Card to bereaved parents?

'Thinking of you, and remembering (name) at this time.'

Friends lost their adult son some years ago, and they sent their Christmas cards out early that year, a black and white picture of some happy children from the 1950s playing on a sledge. This made it easier to send a card back because we knew they were acknowledging Christmas.

I always keep last years Christmas card to cut into tags this year. Last year was my first after my husband’s death in October. Reading the heartfelt messages in last year’s cards has been a heart warming reminder of how kind, loving, thoughtful and sensitive so many friends were. This of course is only my view but I’d say think about what yiu write, but speak from your heart x

Name the loved one. People stop using their name and it hurts

merlotgran
I didn’t know

4 year old thread, but still so very relevant to so many, sadly.

You can actually get specially worded Christmas cards that don't say Merry Christmas or Happy NY they just say something along the lines of 'thinking of you at Christmas'. I was sent a few of those myself last Christmas. It meant alot that people had acknowledged that it couldn't possibly be a happy time.

I think I would need to acknowledge the bereavement and the parents feelings at Christmas but not turn a Christmas card into a sympathy card as someone else said

Harris27

I would just say along the lines of “ thinking of you at this time of the year. Sending love and heartfelt wishes.”

I think this is exceptionally appropriate .. And heartfelt wishes sum up the rest ..

Lost my DD 4 years ago, DH 18 months ago. Most people did mention them by name expressing how difficult this time of year will be. I appreciated how difficult it would be for the sender to try and be sensitive and caring.

My daughter died aged 30, the first Christmas was sheer hell. Mainly because people avoided me like the plague, because apparently they did not know what to say to me. So my advice from someone who has been there, is to be honest, say you are thinking of them at what will be a difficult time, and maybe recall a happy memory of their daughter that you have eg, I remember that one Christmas when she did so and so... because contrary to belief , a bereaved parent wants to talk about and remember her child that died, remember the happy times, not everyone try and avoid the subject like it is taboo for fear of upsetting the parent because it makes us feel very isolated and alone in our grief.

I would write something along the lines of , 'giving you our love as always and thinking of you both and {daughter's name} and hope you find happiness in memories that you have all shared.'

I went to look for Christmas cards which did not say “Merry Christmas “ or Happy New Year” and there weren’t any. Most older people will know friends or family for whom Christmas is a sad time. I’ve lost two close relatives in the last week and cannot send the usual cheery greetings to their families.

I’ve just found out-via a post on FB-of the death of the father (try to keep up!) of the young woman who is the partner to my French school penfriend’s son.
I do see the young woman from time to time when we visit from UK but don’t know her particularly well.
When sending the Christmas parcel with cards to everyone I sent one with a view of our town wishing “peace at Christmas” so I added a few words expressing our sorrow on hearing of her loss. Do hope it’s well received-thinking it’s better to say something rather than nothing.

Well merlot sprang to mind as soon as I read the OP, and she has generously contributed to the thread. I can't think of anyone better placed to advise, so I too would listen to her.

I think what Harris has suggested is perfect.

Ditto WWM2

Merlotgran

Listen to merlot

I think the avoidance of Happy or Merry is the main thing. Best wishes and Love are enough. I didn't really like the cards that were too different, that said 'Thinking of you' or mentioned the name.

Yangtse1007, I think sending a thoughtful greeting in a card, is a good thing to do.
My personal experiences of grief and loss are that small acts of kindness can be of great comfort.
You are a good soul to think so carefully about your wording and I am sure your cousin and his wife will be glad to receive your best wishes.

‘You are in my thoughts’.

But, as you know Merlot you do not have to be reminded.

I think it's important not to turn a Christmas card into a sympathy card. Those should be sent at the time of bereavement with appropriate messages of love and support.

Christmas is hard enough without being reminded of your loss even if it's well meant.

I had this dilemma a couple of years ago, a family we’d known very well when our children were young lost their son.

I was genuinely shocked and sad, I enclosed a letter saying what happy memories we had of him, and how we couldn’t imagine their sadness, it wasn’t too gushing, but I wanted them to know how much we cared.

merlotgran, thank you that is perfect and what I cam going to say.

merlotgran ? for you, this first Christmas without your darling girl.

The cards we are receiving don't say anything at all. Just love and best wishes from...….

I'm grateful for that. Sometimes less is more.