The loneliness on losing a partner

I am very lucky to have a wonderful caring partner in my life. We have only been together 2 years, I had been lonely for a very long time before and I am well aware one of us will face lonliness in the future. For so many of you suffering such loss and sadness I truely empathise. GN is a wonderful place to receive friendship and comfort, it doesn't replace or repair the loss but it really does help to understand there are so many others in the same situation. Sending big hugs to all our GN family ???

Hi June.
Sorry for your loss ?.
I haven't lost a partner but understand loneliness and mobility issues. I know that some libraries have a service where they send a mini bus to collect people who are unable to get there under their own steam and take them home again. It's a social out let that's invaluable to some. Could you see if there's anything similar in your area? Local community centres sometimes do something too.
I wish you well and I'm sending you a virtual hug ?

I'm also trying to sell my house as finances are not that great, so that's another trauma to face. I look around the house and know that we bought everything together. I appreciate that we have our memories of our lovely husbands but it doesn't make up for the sharing of all those years spent together.

We will never forget them but I hope that we can all make a worthwhile life without them.

I wish all the ladies on Gransnet in this sad situation courage and love to carry on and to try and engage with whatever we can to bring something positive into our lives. x x x

Sorry for the weepy... but thank all ou GN for being out there! Smile

Sending a big virtual hug to you x

To all out there. My husband had a stroke 22 years ago.... he went into hospital as my husband ..but came out as someone different. His job went.. most of his friends went ( all friends were job -related)... his earnings went...and his self esteem went ...all in 2 weeks. In fact he LEFT me!! I used to think this sounded dramatic when I thought it inside my head... but it's not!! My husband 'left' me 22 years ago. I have to look after him..fetch for him ...pick him up from the floor when he falls( at least twice a week) and he's over 12 stones. We have no physical contact as he hates me even touching him, apart from when he needs help!! no outings, no holidays, no life. I finished bringing up my kids ...they both left home as soon as possible because of his behaviour toward me ( although he was never cruel to them).Now the kids are gone... Our grandkids can't stand to be in his company ( I know this dos they've told me) and he doesn't care whether he sees them or not! I look after this man for 22 years and not once has he ever thought what this existence is doing to me...not once. Lonely...??? I've been lonely for all this time and nobody who surrounds me ( my extended family) knows it. They come for a visit...they go home... I close the door on them and my prison engulfs me!!! I do know what all you lonely people are feeling I really do.I think one day ( if it all drags on too much longer) I'll just open the door and walk away from it all.

Dallas, Venus, Noreen3
It is good to be able to “open up” isn’t it - even if the tears start afresh- however kind people are, they don’t really understand. I’m not sure I always understand myself.

Moved by your post JuneS and the subsequent ones that followed. I perceive there to be support here on GN and hope that is some comfort to you and others in your position

Oh what sorrow here. I am in tears for you . And courage.

My husband died at 51 two years ago at the end of this month. He had had heart failure for just over two years having had a major heart attack two days after a benign tumour was removed in a 7 hour operation.
I have my daughter, her partner and my grandson living with me. She found out she was pregnant the week before her dad’s funeral. She’s also expecting again in about three weeks. My son, his wife and my granddaughter live on same street. Even so I still feel lonely at times. Especially as I have been diagnosed with breast cancer and had surgery two weeks ago. My husband should be here to get me through this as I was there for him. We were together from the age of 19 and married nearly 30 years.

What a sad post - I am so sorry,*June*, that you have such loneliness to contend with, and also the other ladies here who have to live with such feelings. As ever, GN is a wonderful place to let emotions out.
This seems to be a lovely day beginning, and I hope the golden September sunshine warms everyone . xx

MAWB-you hit the nail on the head with "inner loneliness" I lost my husband 7 years ago and he was my soul mate. Time is a healer, but you never ever get over the loss of your soul mate, best friend and confidant. I have a wonderful DD, SIL and DG, but the feeling of inner loneliness never leaves you.

I agree with Milliebear,I miss being able to share memories.my husband was in a care home for 5 years,but we were still a couple,he died in May.People think it's easier for me,as I was already living by myself.I go out and about a lot,but I miss having my husband to talk to.I feel so sad if I'm somewhere he would have liked and I can't tell him about it.I read a quote somewhere,"I miss the person I used to be when you were here",I find that so true.

My husband passed away ten month's ago and every day has been difficult. I have two sons, one with four small children, who are very good but the lonliness in the evenings and especially Sundays, are hard to cope with. We were married for nearly 52 years and it would have been his 78th birthday on 12th September. My daughter-in-law has asked me round for dinner on that night.

I have tried going to a few socials to meet other people but it just made it all seem worse. Although some of them were bereaved, others divorced or single, I felt more depressed meeting them. Eating and watching TV alone is the worst for me. He wasn't ready to go and went downhill in a week.

I hate the term 'widow' and although my family are good and come round every Saturday to see me, they are a different generation and don't understand everything. My four grandchildren are lovely and, although still young, say that they miss their grandpa very much. He was a devoted family man to whom family meant everything. He also had devoted his life to caring for others in his role as a pharmacist. My husband has left a huge void in our family circle that can never be replaced.

On 14th October, we will be gathering to consecrate a memorial stone in is honour. A difficult day.

My heart goes out to you, I lost my first husband whilst quite young, and now I'm losing my lovely second husband. He was diagnosed with Mesothelioma 3 years ago and given six months to live, we have had a few times where he has been so ill we have been told days but he is still with me. He is now really poorly and we know it wont be long. I sway between wanting his pain to end but knowing the only way it will end will be his death so not wanting it. I also know what awaits me afterwards, I dread it, I know you can go out and join clubs and with friends etc. but who wants to be constantly out, it's the quiet times at home which are the worse times, no one there, no one breathing beside you in the dark at night, no one to discuss the news with or films you can't watch because it's too scary on your own (yep I'm a wuss) no one to hold your hand or seeing husband, anniversary cards etc in card shops and knowing you will never buy one again, life changes completely. I have lovely grown up children who will always help but my son in law has just been diagnosed with Leukemia so my daughter has so much to cope with a very young child to care for as well, and my lovely best friends husband is having tests to confirm if the shadow on his lung is lung cancer, life is so hard at times.

I’ve had tears in my eyes reading so many sad experiences and feelings on here. I still have my husband but it’s really been brought home to me how much I should appreciate his presence. It’s so good that GN exists for those who need to express their thoughts and feelings and to find empathy.

Have read this this morning and my heart goes out to you all non of us knows what we have to face in later life and I feel blessed that even though we hardly see each other as we are still working long hours we still have each other. My thoughts are with yous all.x

I know what you mean Aggie. One of my daughters has taken me out and away overnight a few times now, usually to see a show. It`s lovely, and I`ve enjoyed the outings, but keep thinking I shouldn`t be out and enjoying myself without David. I came into a bit (a real bit) of money when I found I was entitled to a state pension and had been for 7 years, I got 7 years back pay on it, so had some necessary jobs done on the house that we`d never been able to afford, but then kept thinking it wasn`t fair of me to be enjoying having things put right when David couldn`t enjoy it as well.

Jim died on May 20th , I can't believe it is so recent yet can't believe it was so long , We were with him when he slipped away , such a release for him , but what a black blank feeling for me , I try to go out , but I have been so involved with caring for him for 4 years , that it is hard to realise I can go out and stay out . My sisters are very good taking me shopping , and the village group I belong to is going on a few days break and I am joining them . I dread it and look forward to it in equal measure . Caring acquaintances mean well , but I dread them saying how glad they are to see me out and about , making me feel I shouldn't be there , I am full of contradictions , not lonely in one way , but in a vacuum , turning to share something on the tv , and no one there , trying to remember what to do about something and no one to ask .Eldest DD is a gem , My DS and DGS were here putting up curtains for me and stayed chatting , filled a hole for a while , he calls most days as do thegrand children , the AC not at home ring most days , it is hard on them all too

Like Menowpaws, I am full of admiration for you ladies and how you are coping. I have only had a glimpse over the past year of what the future might be without DH and I didn't like the look of it one little bit.

Just wanted to send all who posted about their loss (or impending loss) much sympathy. June, and others, you have written about bereavement and illness so poignantly and your sense of loss really hits home. Gransnet strikes me as being a (mostly) very caring community, and I hope it provides some small solace to you all.

It's made me think about losing the OH, or him being alone if I go first. I'd miss him so much. It's the little things and the day to day companionship that we perhaps take for granted, isn't it?

Hugs (through the ether) to you all.

Hello June, my husband died nearly 2 years ago. I`m not on my own, my eldest, but disabled, daughter lives with me, but she spends every waking minute on her laptop, isn`t into conversation, so I feel as if I`m on my own. I often think about asking David something, somewhere along the lines of "What happened to...…?" or "Who was it who...….?", then I remember that I can`t, so have to remain in ignorance of the answers.
I have 4 other children, all living locally, but as they all go to work and have their own homes and families to see to, I don`t see them quite as often as I`d like.
My husband`s death was particularly hard, because 18 months earlier he`d been discharged after being the hospital`s longest patient in ICU, and he`d seemed to be well on the up, then illness struck again and he was gone 4 weeks later, it just didn`t seem fair. When we all left the hospice on the night he died, I said "When we arrived I had a husband, was married", one of my daughters said "You`re never going to take that ring off mum, so you`ll always be married." So true, but I still need someone to talk to from day to day. Thank heavens for the lovely folk on Gransnet.

What a lot of proud and caring women you all are, I take my hat off to all of you. Things have eased for now but I have spent many a quietly tearful night imagining the worst and believing I will cope but reading the words of obviously strong women makes me realise the reality of it all, thank you all for your honesty, when it affects me I know where to turn

I still have Dh but wanted to send (((hugs))) to those of you on your own - the thought of losing DH is terrifying.

I feel for you too - I am in that limbo situation where, a year ago, I was told that my OH was dying. He is still with us and slowly deteriorating and his quality of life is pretty poor, in spite of all our best efforts. He is quite difficult company to be honest and I am torn between wanting this all to be over (how dreadful is that?!) and`not wanting to be lonely and lose my life's partner. It is a weird situation and quite emotionally draining.

I do not want widowhood - but neither, if I am honest, do I want this. Very difficult to live with, as I know that others on here fully understand.