My daughter's partner

I'm not going to call my GSs 'boys' any more. They were lovely boys years ago.Now they are in their 20s, grown men - two of them have children!

I'm disgusted with them and ashamed of them.

I heard today there have been no further problems at the cemetery.

It's so nice to get up and find more messages. Two I read at 4 in the morning

The death of my daughter is still very emotionally raw and of course this latest bereavement has brought it back in full.

Her sons don't seem to have thought that she would have been absolutely disgusted with them.

I've just seen this thread Alie, I'm so sorry.

You are often in my thoughts too, Alie

Thinking about you alie, sending love and hugs.

Please don't misunderstand me. Of course, you're angry at the threat and angry at your sister for trying to excuse it. I'm just suggesting that grief might magnify your anger, especially since nothing actually went wrong.

I guess the 3 older gss didn't like Kieron? But, obviously, that's no excuse to threaten to stop somebody funeral. I'm sorry you had to even hear anything like that.

I love what you read at the funeral. It was genuine, from the heart and brought tears to my eyes.

(((Hugs)))

My deepest sympathies, Alie.

Your anger is understandable, but also probably part of your grief. Hope it feels better to be able to talk about it all here.

Thanks for all the messages.

Think everything has hit me this evening, I keep bursting into tears.

I am just wishing today that my sister could be more supportive. She emailed me today after I told her about the threat at the cemetery and sounded as if she was excusing my GSs for what they had been doing.
She never asks for details - and then says things that always seem to invalidate my feelings.
She can be very supportive in other ways, but if I am upset, she can't deal with it in any helpful way!

I am actually really angry with them for this and the way things have been since Jayne died...I can't say this to her.

Alie what lovely words to read out, you're really brave to have done that especially as you had some anxieties about who would be there etc.
It sounds like you have some complicated family situations to cope with as well as the sadness you feel. I hope there are folk to care for you in the midst of it all

You spoke from your heart Alie, that was brave and kind
I am so sad for you that your family can't unite over this tragedy. I assume your GS's are Jayne's sons. What a pity they feel this way towards the man who made their mother so happy.

Dear Alie such troubled times for you lately, and still a while to wait for the inquest I believe. Your reading sounds just right and I hope gave comfort to those willing to hear. Such additional stress at the cemetery when you least wanted it. I do hope tensions have calmed and wish you well

That was a lovely piece you read out Ali

Just sending you lots of love Alie and talk to us again if it helps.

Glad that it went well yesterday Alie. Time for some healing for yourself now.

Me too.
I have had an anonymous call before I turned my phone on this morning - but that could be anything.

I am glad that it went as well as it did Allie - after all this trauma over the last few years I hope you will now have time to really look after yourself and recharge your batteries. X X x

However.
The ceremony in the cemetery actually passed off peacefully. Thank goodness.

Before it started, I was speaking to the cemetery manager, and he told me that there had been a threat to stop the funeral!
From his description it was clearly my three oldest grandsons who had been there and said they would stop it. The manager had things in hand, had mustered his employees near, and was ready to phone the police if anything happened.......nothing did while we are there.

I am hoping nothing did later.
Bearing in mind that this is in the public domain, I'm not naming anyone here.

This is what I read in the church:

I have had so many letters from you, all from prison. One of them says about the future “I’m going to be a decent person for once, when I get out.” I wish you had made it. It’s so sad to think what you could have been and really wanted to be, in your heart.
You would have been my son-in-law, but my daughter Jayne died, and the drugs took you over. Believe me, we all tried very hard to help. I’m just so sorry that enough help wasn’t there, and what there was you couldn’t take. You were not a strong man, you were very messed up – but you were a loving man, and you made Jayne happy for a while.
I loved you for that. Thank you.

Hope tomorrow goes peacefully for you Alie

It's tomorrow. Thanks for thinking of us.
No idea who will turn up, and some may not be wanted....

Sounds mean, but things have happened with two separate lots of people when they should not have done.
Kieron did have some dodgy friends...it's worrying.
You never know how people will react to each other.

However. I went to the funeral place yesterday to leave a small box of mementos to go in the coffin.
I met the funeral director and she used to be a bouncer!! and assured me that she is used to dealing with anything that happens at funerals. Sounds better.

I have written a short letter to Kieron which I will read out.
Not worried about that though.
Thanks again.

Alie, are you OK, I think you said said that the funeral is to be sometime this week. All my thoughts go to you, and doubtless, all the other supportive GN's here.
Love and hugs.

We still don't know, however, if it was intended in this case....

I did know Kieron had texted me about suicide..... seems nobody else wanted to believe him, I saw him go further and further downhill over two months, although he left here and at the last was only communicating by texts, the last three days before.

What I have heard about him two days before, fits with what I have read - that once the decision is made, the person seems happier.