Quik question (daughter w new baby)

I'm the opposite - we didn't have any of our 3 in bed with us, in fact they were in their own rooms by about one month old (short corridor and doors wide open). This was the 1980s - and they all slept on their tummies, which I know would horrifying today's young mums. It's completely different with my grandchildren, the family are fans of co-sleeping, but the oldest is now 8 and still spends half the night in with mum and dad 😕

ginnycomelately , how right you are!
Starting a bedtime routine early is the answer. Parents rocking babies to sleep are asking for trouble ! A good sleep habit started early will extend into childhood. When our children were small I gave them my all during the day but bedtime was bedtime ! and my time.
I am sad knowing that many parents are experiencing such much trouble getting their children to sleep - cant imagine how they cope and go out to work too.

RN from America- the incidence of SIDS plummeted in societies that implemented "Back to Sleep"; baby put down to sleep on his/her back, on a firm mattress, without stuffies or blankies. Tell your dear dtr that getting baby to sleep requires a lot of experimentation- and some babies (like our 3rd grandchild) are a huge challenge- although she "sleep trained" (a new thing) thereafter amazingly well. "The things that make you cry will one day make you laugh." ...And I treasured those times when I rocked Grands to sleep! ...Btw, I and all my siblings, and our many children, were placed on our tummies. But- as with seatbelts- we were lucky. ...May God bless you all at this wonderful season of life!

OP have a read of MN for what not to do or say.
Worth it to maintain good relations.
Re the sleeping. Has she tried a side sleeper attached to her side of the bed.
What about a sling ?
I think co sleeping isn't worth the risk.

So hard on parents TG. I never ever wanted our children in our bed, can't imagine anything worse! Like you our children were in their own rooms very early on . I went into their room to feed during the night and always has a flask of tea waiting for me. The room was dimly lit and I remember enjoying that closeness with my baby.
Will be shot down in flames I know that but a healthy sleep habit for a baby begins at birth !! I very rarely had to bring them downstairs in the evening, although it did happen occasionally!
We had 3 hapoy contented babies . As they grew older the routine changed of course - but a routine there was. Bath, tether clean, toilet. Followed by story , bedtime cuddle , night light on then a quick " night night see you in the morning " followed by a quick exit. It worked for me.

Teeth clean!

When I was a student midwife a baby died in parent’s bed suffocated by mum she rolled on him. My heart bled for the poor parents never share a bed with a baby!

1.Swaddle them.
2. slowly and lightly stroke head from top of crown to tip of nose (start with hand finishing with just one finger on the nose).
3. Circle finger on palm of hand. done at a slow speed.
4. Rock them in front of a motor such as cooker hood, hair dryer, washing machine. The drone sends them off.
All tried and tested methods and they work! You do what you have to and forget those who say ooh don’t do that or this. It’s called keeping sane 😉. BTW I don’t mean do all three, I unless you need to. 😀

Co sleeping is not new, it’s been around since the dawn of time (no cribs or separate nurseries in caves). We co slept with all 3 of ours but if mum doesn’t want to do it then she will have to try other means of getting the baby to sleep. As someone said earlier, it’s natural for babies to need contact with their mum at such a young age and only gradually to learn to sleep alone. It’s certainly not easy.
Mumsnet might be a better forum for advice .

Swaddling worked for all my five, I totally agree with napping when baby sleeps too.

My three were in their own room from the start. When they woke for a feed I went into their room and had the light on very low. If they had trouble sleeping and were fed and clean, I would do the leave them crying thing. It was never for more than a few minutes. Generally by the third visit to their room they would be asleep. I remember the Hoover trick. Elder son often nodded off when I put the Hoover on!

I used to put Murder She Wrote on in the morning when I had my dear Gd and she fell asleep as I did after a night shift. My daughter phoned one evening when I was away to ask the name of the program as she couldn't get the baby to sleep. An hour with Jessica Fletcher and she was sound.

My 1st born slept on their stomach, 2nd slept on their side, 3rd on their back. The advice changed over the 14 years.
The feeds were always 4 hourly and the first two weeks I slept on the sofa with baby in a crib on a stand next to me. Had a strict routine of 4 hourly feeds, morning baths, pram outside for a couple of hour, last feed at midnight etc. All my 3 slept through at 6 weeks or so. I'm convinced a strict routine gives security and helps babies know what's happening next.

Hi OP, yes new parents now are different to new parents when we did it, and we were different to how our parents did it! It's a steep learning curve, but we all need to learn it.
It's just times moving on, and the important thing to remember is that this is their baby, not yours, and that they have every right to bring the baby up as they wish. It doesn't matter how you did it, she will have her own opinion on how she wants to do it. If she asks for advice, of course tell her what worked for you, but you must respect her wishes for her baby. It is her decision, and her turn to be 'in charge', just as it was yours when you had your children, and I bet you had something to say about unwanted advice from your own mother-in-law at the time too!
That's the best advice I can give, having learned the hard way!

ginnycomelately

The secret to get any babies or toddlers in fact to sleep , are no rocking , nursing , or feeding to sleep, sadly you have to gradually teach them to fall asleep , without , any of the above, it really does work , just a gradual process , amazing , because if you do any of the above , they wake pretty quickly and need rocking nursing or feeding to sleep , again the process must be where you want them to sleep , not the sofa , on your lap , or in your bed , the earlier you do it the easier it is , .In my experience , parents become so sleep deprived they will do all of the above , to create good sleep for all ,

Not usually if you "plonk" them down as if you are just changing position - as you might put them up on your shoulder from cradled in your arms.

Do it quite quickly. Hold a hand on him/her briefly so they think you are still holding them. The baby may "start" initially but generally settles after a deep sigh...

Our babies were all nursed to sleep and this worked for most of them most of the time.

My daughter-in-law was nearly driven to distraction with her first born. This way worked for him too.
🤞

I would never have done as you suggested ginnycomelately.
Some others will be OK doing this, I admit.
Different ways to parent...

Obviously there are lots of methods.
I suggest give her suggestions of what might work.
Do not pretend to know anything!

As others have said, the past was a different country!

Congratulations to you and the new little family.

I think your way , co sleeping but only till baby goes to sleep sounds good. The pram at the end of the garden also very sound. However your daughter is not going to do either of those unless she gets desperate.
There is a plug in rocking cradle with white noise/ whale noise/ nursery rhythms etc that worked well with my daughter in law.
Mostly it’s follow your natural inclination and survive as best you can.
I’m sure you will be a huge support. Just tell her she’s doing really well.

All my four were just put in their carrycot at nap time and their cots in their own rooms at bedtime. There was no getting them to sleep and they all seemed just to drift off to sleep. I was lucky I suppose, I think it's just luck of the draw, if you have a baby that needs soothing to sleep just go with the flow. My eldest used to drift off very quickly if I got the vacuum cleaner out, I think he found the hum soothing.

Granarchist

at the far end of the garden in a pram with net over it - under a tree - regardless of weather - works a charm. My own mother remembers pushing the snow off my sister's pram!!

Granarchist - belly laughing here ;-)
If I tell my daughter that, she might think I am off my rocker....but thanks! Maybe it was just the fresh air

Congratulations on your grand daughter and on having a daughter who actually wants your advice, They are thin on the ground in Gransnet.

Change the child's nappy, feed her as you suggested, and when she starts to drowse put her in her cradle or pram, and then your daughter trys to take a nap.

Some babies sleep best in their pram, near an open window, others need extremely quiet surroundings for the first ten or twenty minutes after dropping off, so no loud noises or washing up during that time.

Others prefer lullabies.

Above all, tell your daughter not to fuss or worry about it. Babies have a radar that tells them when Mummy is worried and they react to that.

The baby will undoubtedly sleep when she needs to - the trouble about that is that her mother will be worn to a frazzle before that happens, as like as not.

It may be wisest at this early stage to try and work out what the child's sleep-waking ratio is, then later when your daughter is more confident in her new role as Mummy she can gradually shift towards what suits her better.

My DIL never asked for advice from anyone not even her own mum, she knew it all! Having said that she is a very good mum to a now teenage child who seems to have survived not being potty trained until school age.

Keep well away until it's adult, it's easier

Mine were born in the 70's was advised never to leave them in your bed as you may roll on then and suffocate them. I never did purely because I dint want them in my bed. There was a case a few months ago of a baby being suffocated in parents bed although it may have been located locally,

I never ever slept with a baby beside me in bed and I never ever left a baby to cry itself to sleep . That goes for my own children and the babies I fostered from a week old . I did lie them on their side to sleep which is frowned on now but was the advice 50 years ago . They were also well swaddled in a shawl that is supposed to help . I spent many an hour walking the room singing Wee Willie Winkie and did the same for the grandchildren .

nightowl - thank you for the tip on mumsnet. I just sent a link to my daughter.
<3