Please help! (grandchild being locked in bedroom)

Aveline

I remember being concerned to find a lock outside one of the bedroom door of a house we once bought. Needless to say we removed it at once. The people we bought the house from seemed so nice too.

It may not have had any worrying connotations tho.When our twins were young, one of them used to like going upstairs and turning out the contents of cupboards and drawers and smearing herself in face cream and so on.We put bolts on the outside of all the rooms up there which stopped the mess.
I don’t know what the people thought who then bought the house, never gave it a thought!😲

To the OP, do ask your son if this is true.

Totally unacceptable whatever the reason given. If this is raised at the school it will automatically become a safeguarding issue. You must speak out and determine if this is true or not.

It's possible her parents use "go to your room" as a simple calm-down measure. Separating two over-excited/ fighting children into different rooms for a few minutes, is often the best way to de-escalate quarrels. It's harmless and effective.

I’m not saying that locking children in a room is a good thing (many would be terrified) but which law is being broken?

I have 4 and 5 year old grandchildren and from experience I tend not to believe a word they say...

fancyflowers, this was the case in the house which I described up thread. The bedroom doors had bolts on the outside.

Argymargy, I am the absolute opposite and always believe children at that age.

fancyflowers

I don't see how a bedroom or a bathroom door can be locked from the outside. There's a handle to get in but no lock.

So unless the parents have had locks fitted on the outside of the doors, it isn't possible to lock children in.

The child likely means being sent to their room with the door closed.

All my bedroom doors have lock and keys on them It’s a Victorian house So yes it’s very possible to have locks on bedrooms doors They were already there and I ve never removed them and I ve no idea where the keys are but perfectly feasible

Basgetti

sixandahalf

Three children aged 2, 3 amd 4 must be a challenge. Do they live nearby? Can you help out at all and do you want to?

So the answer is to lock them up? Good grief!

Where did I say that please? I said it must be challenging and the family might like support.

NotSpaghetti

Does she actually mean locked?
I would be worried too.
Do the rooms actually have locks or is the door just closed?
You can't usually lock bathroom doors from the outside.

I'd believe her but also check the actual situation re locks and also speak to your son.

In an old house with old fashioned handles and locks, you could lock a bathroom door from either side. But with children that age in the house, the keys should be kept well out of reach.

Our nearly four year old GS tells us that the nursery staff attack them with swords and that the neighbour kidnapped him in the night and then made him eat poo.
It could be silly talk but should be taken seriously by the OP until she can determine what is actually the truth of the matter.

watermeadow

When I was a child it was common for naughty children to be sent to their rooms but not 4 year olds and they were not locked in. I think this is probably illegal.

I used to be sent to my room at 4, I think. It wasn't locked, but a 4yo can't reach the handle to get out anyway.

But times move on. Definitely have a word with your son. It's not something that comes up very often now, but it does seem very out of tune with how most parents these days would raise their children. You can't ignore your grandchildren's possible hope that you might help, for fear of being estranged.

It should be fairly easy to check if the doors have locks on the outside if you are in close contact with your son and daughter in law and visit their home, which it sounds as though you do from your post. If they have an upstairs bathroom that you use when you visit, just looking at the other doors will give you a clue.

I don't agree with argymargy - children should always be listened to in the first instance and there are so many examples of adults not believing what young children are saying that have led to tragic outcomes. But having said that, we all know that young children's understanding and interpretation of everyday family interactions can be quite different from what has actually happened.

Our old house had locks on every door, the old fashions kind that could be locked from inside or outside with big old keys. But that was because it was an Victorian house and all the doors had keyholes. We never used them because most of the keys were missing anyway, except for the bathroom one and that was used from the inside only. I'd hate to think that the people who bought our house thought we regularly locked our children in their bedrooms!

I used to send my children up to their bedrooms as a punishment, but not for very long and I never, ever locked them in, the idea of doing that never even entered into my mind. They took themselves upstairs and usually, sat and played uite happily with their toys, DD, even as a toddler, uite often went upstairs of her own accord to play games by herself in her bedroom

I had a friend whose parents kept their own bedroom door locked, whether they were in it or not, but children?

I might add. The handles on all our doors were at a height that the children could operate even as toddlers, so they could take themselves upstairs and then come down again without needing adult assistance.

Doodledog

I’m not saying that locking children in a room is a good thing (many would be terrified) but which law is being broken?

Unlawful Imprisonment? Pretty sure that if an adult were locked in against their will it would be illegal.

My 1930’s house has the original locks with keys on all rooms so they can be locked from inside and outside.

My 6 year old grandson has a little friend, who is a great story teller, for example : ‘my Dad was ill and I had to drive him to hospital ‘
‘my mum doesn’t like cooking - so sometimes we don’t have food at home ‘
I love listening to him, but it takes some doing, not to laugh 😂

Suki70

My 1930’s house has the original locks with keys on all rooms so they can be locked from inside and outside.

Thankfully, we’ve moved on.

M0nica

I might add. The handles on all our doors were at a height that the children could operate even as toddlers, so they could take themselves upstairs and then come down again without needing adult assistance.

We have a DC who would stomp off to her bedroom f she was told off and worked out how to take the handle off the door so no-one could get in.
We did warn her about the risks of fire etc.

We have traditional locks on some of our Victorian doors but it's unusual in my opinion for people to fit them in modern houses.

Chocolatelovinggran

fancyflowers, this was the case in the house which I described up thread. The bedroom doors had bolts on the outside.

I have only ever lived in fairly modern houses so have no experience if this.

I can't see the point of a bedroom door with a bolt on the outside.

In the house that we have just moved into, we have a small bolt at the top of every single door, upstairs and down, including all cupboard doors. All bolts are on the inside of room doors.

Possibly adults locking themselves in rooms away from the children?

If school heard this I’d expect it to be seen as a safeguarding issue. Social workers often check no locks outside bedroom doors. Fire risk, very inappropriate behaviour management techniques, which rarely stand alone