Wanting to unfriend a "friend"

The fact is you were worried about your feelings towards your friend which is why you reached out on here. If you were an uncaring person you wouldn’t have done that…x

So sorry to hear about your cousin, Bluebell.

Hi SpinDriftCoastal.
I guess with hindsight a lot of people could be more tolerant but we shouldn't feel guilty I suppose. We are just trying to deal with what's happening at that time, if that makes sense.

Hi everyone.
I will update when I know more. You have all given me food for thought and I appreciate all your kind words.
❤

Oh dear I ve been following this thread and hoping you didn’t ditch her
I m pleased you ve found out and hope you ll be able to help her over ( what might be last months ) my cousin had a brain tumour and it was very quick a matter of months between diagnosis and death
Poor lady

Many years ago I was in a position of authority. There was lady who was supposed to deliver certain items at certain times. Sorry, I have to keep this vague as I don't want to identify anyone. She kept forgetting and sending me apologies. She then developed terrible headaches and was sent for an examination. It turned out she had a brain tumour and died six weeks later. I still feel guilty when I look back 30 years and think of how intolerant I was.

Butterbean - I am glad you now know what was happening to your friend and are able to support her. What a sad story, don’t feel bad though, you couldn’t know why her behaviour had changed. All good wishes to you and to your friend.

And bless you for supporting her too.

Hi everyone.
Just to thank you all for your support and comments again. My friend has been diagnosed with a brain tumour. I feel so bad about my feelings towards her. Not sure if this may have contributed to her behaviors but I will support her through this. I just wanted to update. Bless you all.

Your friend may have found retirement difficult as she no longer has work colleagues. She could be struggling without social contact every day.
Or she is just plain annoying.
I would post her a Birthday card, making sure to post second class a good week or so before her Birthday to ensure it arrives on time.
As for meeting up for lunch, how about meeting in a park instead. You can amble around and try to steer the conversation to the trees, flowers etc.
Just don't arrange any more lunch dates.

Hurrying indoors from the cold,dark and the wet my friend managed to catch me .She began the list of how busy she is and she can't stop to talk to me .
It always the same .

Sometimes ,
I think that she trues to justify her existence.

I thought it's a shame that I didn't say that during the first twenty something years that I knew you.
Gardening in the front and back gardens were impossible listening to your endless chatter. and then , we'd have another installment as you came round for a cup of tea .
And certainly,outstayed your welcome !

Butterbean

Thanks again everyone. There's a lot to think about here. AmberGran yes she has a husband but they are always falling out and a son who lives 20 mins away from her. I forgot to mention earlier that she has started to go to bed at 6am "because she's not tired" and doesn't get up until 2pm. Her husband is exasperated. The more I think about things, I think something is really wrong. I suppose it could be the start of dementia. However, I had a nervous breakdown 12 years ago trying to care for my Mum and Mum didn't present with these issues although I know everyone is different. Like I said, so much to consider here. Thank you all so much.

I’ve always been nocturnal but worked round it when I was still working and now that I’m retired I’ve become totally nocturnal. I seem to wake up and want to do things @ 9pm.Things like catchup tv and box sets don’t help. I don’t get to see many people ( being nocturnal doesn’t help!) and when I do I can’t stop talking. I’ve always been terrible when it comes to card giving. I don’t like to buy cards in advance ( think it’s bad luck) and quite often can’t find the right card for the right person so I put a lot of effort into trying to find the right card and then they don’t get one at all. Maybe your friend struggles with having her husband around all the time and can only do the things she wants to do ( with me it’s tv programmes I want to watch) after he’s gone to bed?

I would be the bigger person, send her a card for her birthday and if she is such a trial maybe just say when the next meal is due that you cannot go.,She sounds very lonely and maybe ill. I would meet her coffee, just the two of you some time. Pity to think the friendship is dwindling down. I regretted not seeing one of my oddest friends as she had an affair with a man in his twenties when she was ill with cancer.,"

The older I get, the more I appreciate that one of the greatest gifts one can offer to others is listening - active listening. Excessive talkers can be an awful trial.

Hi Everyone.
Thank you all for your thoughts and kind words. I never expected all these replies. I will update when I find out if anything is wrong and I will support her if she is ill. It's not until I think back to many other scenarios over the last few years ie: never on time for our lunch dates leaving me sitting in the car outside her house for up to 40 mins, monologuing about random things, all sorts of things but no interest in others. Ringing me at 11pm because "she knows I'll still be up". Its when I add it all together and, thanks to everyone here, I now think it's a bigger issue.

I'm with Lathyrus. I'm wondering if there is a physical cause. Does she have a partner or other relation whom you could carefully contact and mention your concerns ?

Agree with OldFrill - do some background research if you can, this friend is obviously in some sort of cognitive decline and that may happen to you too Butterbean at some point.

If you get no response from family and/or others who see this person more regularly than you do, try communicating with her privately, ask her if she's having difficulty remembering or realises she's showing signs of obsessing over new friendships, or repeating the same story. Just take it from there to see if she needs help. Don't we all want more than just Fair weather friends as we grow older?

Butterbean -
It's very difficult when you've been great friends to come to terms with the relationship changing in such a negative way.
We all need to offload ,but when one person offloads without listening to the other person it starts to irritate .

I saw my ftiend very briefly last night .
I said that I was in a rush ,before the monologue about her new friend began .
I'm sick and tired of hearing about it .
I'm sure that other people are too.
Neither do I want to go out with her .
I just don't feel 100% having been ill for about six weeks and I need a break from stress.
Perhaps I've changed-maybe I'm less tolerant thsn I was before .
I've wondered about dementia or some other mental health problem over the last couple of years .
Her GP has told her that it's an adverse reaction to the menopause .
I don't think that I noticed that she was so self engrossed before.
Perhaps I didn't want to .
I can see that she doesn't give a damn about me . I feel like an option if she wants to go out an no one else is available .
It's sad .
I've had a tough time trying to deal with it .

I hope that you can come to terms with it .

Judy54

How do the other friends feel? It is only 4 times a year, if it were me I would be inclined to carry on meeting, it is regular but not often. It also sounds as though she may have health problems and is becoming forgetful, turning up at strange times etc. I would not resent someone like this but try to understand their behaviour.

Maybe so. She doesn't sound in great shape. Try and find out more about her health before making your decision.

I have a dear friend, and I know I'm important to her, who has been diagnosed with dementia. She chats away and I hardly get a word in, and she tells me things several times. Her short-term memory is very shaky too.
But we go to concerts together, she comes to stay the night, enjoys a good meal. She has a,good family but is anxious.
It's just one of those things and I hope she at least remains stable.

Turning day into night and vice versa could be a sign of dementia

I am in the same boat. I have known a friend since we were 11. She sends me messages every day full of doom and gloom. When I said that my family were going to Cape Town she said 'heck no. People have been warned not to travel at the moment. Let's hope they arrive back safely'. She also sends me links to websites saying that statins and blood pressure tablets (both of which I take) are dangerous and that Putin says he will cause the end of the world and that there will be a war soon and we will all be blown up. I am a terrible worrier anyway and really don't need all that negativety.

Thanks again everyone. There's a lot to think about here. AmberGran yes she has a husband but they are always falling out and a son who lives 20 mins away from her. I forgot to mention earlier that she has started to go to bed at 6am "because she's not tired" and doesn't get up until 2pm. Her husband is exasperated. The more I think about things, I think something is really wrong. I suppose it could be the start of dementia. However, I had a nervous breakdown 12 years ago trying to care for my Mum and Mum didn't present with these issues although I know everyone is different. Like I said, so much to consider here. Thank you all so much.

Hi Butterbean. As it’s not a regular visit from your friend of 30 years, I’d just see her if I’m free. She must’ve been a good friend for your friendship to last all them 30 years. I’d send her a card and be nice to her, she may have some health issues. If you can remember some great times with her, then please don’t dismiss her now. Just take the time with her a few times a year. Wishing you all the best.

I had a friend like this. Her behaviour became erratic. I limited communication to letters and texts. She died last year from cancer. I really regretted not keeping in touch with her, when she grew ill, and when she suddenly died, but I couldn't cope with her. You have to live with whatever you decide.

Most of these so called friends that have been discussed on here sound incredibly selfish.

It seems a few of us always seem to have one person per group who can be terribly annoying and selfish.

I’m afraid I couldn’t be bothered with people like that.
Let them go of into the sunset and annoy someone else.