Do you share financial derails with your partner?

Each to her own, but what did she contribute?

I can't imagine not sharing the joys and troubles of finance (and other aspects) of married life, but then I never had an 'allowance'. We were an equal partnership from the start. Sometimes I earned more, sometimes he did, and his pension is way more than mine for various reasons (most of them surrounding outdated sexist legislation), but we have always been happy to share and share alike.

It is very important that people know how their finances will be impacted by the death of a partner, as well as how they would manage if s/he left the relationship. Being a hostage to fortune is not something I would ever have contemplated.

Sorry if this is stating the obvious, but I was talking to my mother recently, and she had no idea that women no longer inherit their husband's state pension. She is very financially savvy usually, but this change had passed her by, as she and all her friends all have a good income that comes from their husbands' pensions, SERPS and so on, so she had never needed to know. This all changed in 2016, so it may be worth checking if anyone is expecting to do likewise and inherit a spouse's state pension.

Most of our accounts are joint ones and if not, we can access each others.

Ours are joint accounts except the isas

She was busy looking after the children and later the elderly parents. She had a variety of part time jobs but nothing with a pension.

It depends when her husband reached State Pension age.
She could still inherit a proportion of his pension.

moneyweek.com/personal-finance/pensions/state-pensions/state-pension-inheritance-widow-rules

She should contact HMRC and the Pension Tracing Service for any private pensions he may have had.

Surely there must be some documents in the house relating to bank accounts, savings, investments etc.
Did he leave a will?

It matters not now if it was coercive control or if they were both happy with the arrangement, what matters is sorting out her finances for the future.

Agreed on all counts, Allira.

I know that some women can inherit, which is why I suggested people should check if they are relying on that.

Regardless of individual arrangements, which are as varied as there are couples, I still believe that everyone should know what's in store though.

I don't understand it myself, but some women have been happy to let their OH take charge of all the finances.

Coercive control? I couldn't comment on that with such limited information and, knowing someone younger who is being subjected to that, it is far more complicated.

Oh dear, I have my own account.
Perhaps I should make it joint?

Why?

We had a joint account where our salaries and, eventually pensions, went. We also had a private account each and an allowance was paid into these monthly from the joint account. It worked really well. I wanted the private accounts for each of us because I didn’t want to buy my husband a birthday present out of our joint money - I wanted gifts to be bought out of our own money so they were personal.

When we married, we kept our own personal bank accounts, and set up a joint one for mortgage repayments, which were paid out of my salary. I gave DW a monthly allowance for housekeeping (she was working as well), and when credit cards came in she shopped with them instead, and I paid the monthly bill. No secrets, and it worked very well for us.

It sounds to me like a very "traditional" arrangement from many years ago. I remember my mum telling me that when my parents married she expected the same arrangement as her parents had ...her mother was handed housekeeping every week and had no idea beyond that of the finances. However my dad (clearly well ahead of his time I think) flatly refused that arrangement. They had a joint bank account; his earnings went in and Mum took out what she needed as did he, after agreed monthly outgoings were accounted for. This was 1945.

Doodledog

Why?

You're right!
I'll keep it.
Not that it's a secret from DH anyway.

If she was a strong feisty woman it is unlikely to be coercive control and it seems unfair to say that of someone that has recently died.

It sounds like they had an old fashioned marriage where she stayed at home and he was the breadwinner and dealt with the finances.

It must be very difficult not to know how much money you have, particularly in later life when there is less chance that you can work.

Maybe she knows, but just didn't want to talk about it? It's quite a personal matter.

Never discuss money or politics!

Except on Gransnet.

He gave her an allowance when they married and never reviewed or added to it.

How long were they married?

When we first married we both worked what "allowance" we each should have as we were both working and saving hard for a deposit for a house.
I had £11 pw which paid for rent, food and £1 for me for frivolous things (like makeup etc!). 😀

We always had a joint account right from the start, I do the day to day finances perhaps because I worked in a bank after leaving school. I have tried to get DH to take over for a while but he says I am better at it than him, I have written down key details in a book for him if necessary. Two years ago we combined our separate savings accounts, the only assets we have separate are our Premium Bonds.

Initially DH took the old fashioned view that he was the provider, which worked for awhile until I got a permanent job. We then had a joint account which we each paid into for household expenses, but each had our own separate current and savings accounts. It worked for us, particularly as we both had children from previous marriages.
I was a saver, DH was a spender - on his collections and hobbies. I had no idea what his collectibles were worth until they were sold after his death, but I wasn’t dependent on that money.
We didn’t really discuss our personal finances, only that joint costs were covered. Now I benefit from half his teacher’s pension and part of his state pension. It all helps towards running the house, catching up on overdue renovations.

I hope your friend has support to find out her financial position. Her husband’s attitude was very traditional, but those days are long past. Each person in a couple needs to know what’s what, financially. Many wives are content to leave it to their husbands, then are totally scuppered if he dies first.

Never had any joint accounts. Neither knew what the other earnt exactly or how much we have in accounts/savings.
I pay some bills and he pays others, we share the weekly shopping bill.
I buy anything I want and he buys what he wants. Sometimes put together for more expensive things.

Elowen33

If she was a strong feisty woman it is unlikely to be coercive control and it seems unfair to say that of someone that has recently died.

It sounds like they had an old fashioned marriage where she stayed at home and he was the breadwinner and dealt with the finances.

Not uncommon in earlier generatioms.
My retired bank manager next door neighbour died and his widow rang me in tears; A) she couldn't find his Will B) she had absolutely zero clue about money; how much they had, how to pay for anything. He literally handled ALL their finances, throughout a marriage that lasted 70+ years.
That marriage was the very opposite of coercive control. More like "adored princess living on a feather cushion".

We found the Will filed under W in his filing drawer which it had never occurred to her to open. . On the envelope was a note saying "The Bank will handle everything; ring them on this number ". I rang the number which turned out the be the Bereavement Service Team, and they handled everything.

Just a very different way of married life. For the first 40 years they lived in India and Africa, with a household of domestic servants to do everything.

I think it must just have been an old fashioned type of marriage.He looked after everything and she didn't think to query it.. I'm sure he will have provided for her.

When I was married we had a joint account which we both paid into for household expenses, looking at our salaries at the time it was roughly a 60/40 split as he earned more than I did.

We then had our own separate personal accounts.
My son and his partner do the same now and it seems to work well for them.

Yes we share all financial details.